Archive for March 13, 2018

Silly Self-Consciousnesses

The sun is out and so are the sunglasses!

Hello Sun…….

This leaves me feeling a little ‘vunersble’ though.  You see I have continued to wear my glasses as a way of ‘hiding’ even though I gain very little from them when I am out and about.

It is a comfort, because I don’t like how my eyes look.  Having always worn glasses it feels like I have huge dark circles around them, that they are ‘sunken’ within my head.  And because it appears more ‘obvious’ that I have a sight issue when people can see the continual movement of my eyes.

Team these ‘anxieties’ with the fact that I feel that my hearing aids are ‘HUGE and OBVIOUS’ when really they aren’t and you can see where my self-consciousness comes from?

Today though, today was a small victory kinda day…..

Sat enjoying a cuppa, tea it’s Fizz curled up at my feet; it was only when a woman tapped me on the shoulder that I realised I was being spoke to.

You see, not only did I have my sunglasses on my head, butI also had my ‘Amplicomms’ personal T-Loop system around my neck like a large lanyard.

But to the ‘unknowning eye’ it wasn’t as ‘obvious’ !!!

Today for the first time in a long time I am also wearing my hair up in a ponytail (instead of the usual plaits) which to me makes it feel like my hearing aids are in full view of everyone; when in-fact they are hardly noticeable!

So, pausing the book I was listening to, I apologised to the woman for not hearing her and it was very pleasing to hear her reply

“I would have never guessed you had hearing aids in, or that you couldn’t see me, I couldn’t see you wearing headphones; I just thought you were ignoring me!”

Maybe I am the only one who feels self-conscious like this, or maybe this is a ‘common’ feeling amongst those with sight loss and hearing loss.

Either way, a strangers comments made me feel slightly happier with myself today.

Inspiration comes in MANY forms

Today marks International Women’s Day.  A day where social media and such goes CRAZY over ‘inspiring women’ well I am bucking that trend.  I think that inspiration can come from ANYONE.  Man, Woman, Human, Animal ….. You get the idea!

In recent months with my changing hearing and sight I have been working hard on myself.  On how I deal with a situation and how I do not allow my ‘disabilities’ to take away my sparkle, to rob me of my mood or emotions.

If I said it was an easy task I would be lying.  But it has been a task I have set about with great vigger and enthusiasm; not always successfully I may add.

Within my climbing, Be it with fellow Para climbers or (regular) climbers I am free, everyone at any wall is always happy to offer support or suggest a different move Or body position.  But some of my greatest inspiration has come from fellow Para-climbers.

From my very on CPiC who has Fibromyalgia and Aspergers, he is continually in pain or ‘foggy’ which high levels of medication can simply ‘reduce’ but not ‘cure’,  He finds a great strength from within to push through it and to climb his ass off, always pushing himself and yet still there to offer me continual support and help ME with my climbing.

There is also my dear friend Anoushé,  her ‘visable’ disability is that she has no arm from just below her elbow on her right side.  She also has many other health conditions that are ‘invisable’

Anoushé is climbing within a ‘chimney’ at Ratho Climbing centre, she is surrounded by pink jug and bicycles handlebar type holds, her left hand is about head hieght on a hold and she is just moving her right arm, which is covered in white tape at the end onto a similar hold

We first met in September 2016 in Ratho, the first paraclimbing competition for us both.  And we have grown closer upon each meeting and now regularly try to fit in training sessions together.

I look at Anoushé and feel humbled to watch her climb (mostly via videos or in photographs )  As a guide dog owner and a long cane user I am more often than not walking with either my right or left hand full (be it with a harness or a cane) but if I REALLY needed to use both my hands, I can.

I am not, nor will I ever compare my disabilities to another person (not even another hearing and visually impaired person) as just as humans we are unique; how we live with ‘differing-abilities’ is also unique.

My disabilities have been a platform for me to meet so many people from different backgrounds, and just as I believe there is something to learn from each of the people who have come and gone from my own life; I hope that others can look to me for those lessons and ‘alternative’ views.

So, today on International women’s day I want to say THANK YOU to all of those who have enabled me to grow.

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