Tag Archive for Memory

Blind doesn’t mean I can’t see

A blurred image of a woman's eyes and the bridge of her nose.

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Manchester Madness

“It’s about time we met up for that coffee?’  a friend said several months ago.

All well and good, I do enjoy my coffee, but when the friend in question lives over 200 miles away, not so easy.

But who am I to let a 4 hour train journey stand in the way of catching up with an old friend and drinking coffee?

So, the planning began !!

Having spoken about it with friends (this end of the country) they suggested making a break of it, make it a city break to somewhere I haven’t been before, somewhere close to my friend.  So Manchester was decided upon.

Train from Southampton direct to Mancester Piccadilly.  Premier inn right in the heart of the city, booked.  My children were excited about the mini-break they would be having with the dad too… So, with times and dates put in place, me and google spent many hours together planning the time.  What to do, see, how to travel around and where to eat.

I can bore you with the details about me and technology, but that’s for a different post!

So, the day arrived.  A good friend agreed to get up rediculously early to drive me to the train station, my suitcase was packed along with the pooches essentials.

And off we went!

The train journey was made even more comfortable when a guard moved us to First Class so that he could make me a decent coffee.

By the time me and Vicky arrived in Manchester our plans had changed.  The ‘friend’ we were meeting wasn’t available on Saturday.

So, we were in this big, noisy, smelly city and no idea of what to do.

Firstly, we had to negotiate the trams…. Not using them, rather, walking on the path without being ran over by them…. Even Vicky struggled with the metal lines embedded in the concrete, her step was so gentle, like a small child trying not to step on the cracks.  It wasn’t easy.  But within a few attempts, she had the hang of it, sitting back from them as if they were a curb edge.  Then waiting for my command before walking on.

She was a star, an absolute star.

The hotel, being a premier inn, was very well concealed in a building line, with just a small sign and a single glass door with intercom to enter.  But with the helping arm or a stranger, we found it.

It was nice enough, exactly the same as any other premier inn and therefore perfectly familiar for me, regardless of  the distance from home.

The first walk after checking in was nerve-wrecking, where to go, what to do and where the hell was there some grass for Miss Vicky to do what she needed to do.

In went the headphones (just one ear) on went the Google map app and soon we were in Piccadilly Gardens sat in starbucks and watching the world go past.

By this point I was already tired out, especially my eyes.  I could feel the strain in them, but I didn’t travel all this way just to sit in a hotel room and ignore the city around me, so I started to plan!

Plan what I could do, where I could go and think of how I would cope if the coffee and catch up never happened.

Exhausted. Pained and feeling very vulnerable a dear friend answered their phone on the second ring, they calmed me down, they picked me up and they made me feel proud of what I had done so far, so if I did decide to spend the next three days in the hotel room, I hadn’t wasted my time, I hadn’t been stupid and I had faced a major hurdle for me.  After the pep talk, I decided it was time to do this, to be strong and enjoy my time, enjoythe being with me, enjoy knowing that regardless of where we were I was safe with my guiding girl by my side.  She wouldn’t let me down, no matter what.

…..

The coffee never did happen, but… The visit to The Lowry, The Imperial War Museum, The Blue Peter Garden, The big wheel and many more places did.

The downside of independance mixed with stubbornness like this, Is that when I did arrive back in southampton late on the Tuesday night I was so physically and mentally drained that I could hardly speak, let alone eat or even sleep.

It took five days for the eye strain to ease. For the headache to go and for the emotional wreck that was me to go away.

… … Now though, several months later as I write this (not feeling so raw) I realise that it was a massive thing for me and one that I can never forget.  In fact, it is a trip I hope to repeat, with my two wonderful children this time.  And we shall enjoy plenty of cake !!

 

Creative SparKs are Flying

Although I am only just writing about this, the things I am about to share with you actually started just over 18 months ago.  But it has taken this time to get the project to where it needs to be.

A friend of mine is a magician, children’s’ entertainer and balloon artist.  A role that he has played out for many years before I even knew him.  Many of his clients and party gig’s he got through word of mouth and his website and business card.  Both of which he admitted didn’t show his true personality.

He is known in the business as sparkey…..  A play on his main profession and surname, but with no definition between the two parts.

He mentioned that he was trying to redesign his image and website, to enable him to move forward in his role.  This is where my creative brain kicked in  And I asked him if he would mind me having a play around with his ideas.

So, I started with my brief and his name….. And off I went.

First things first, his name….. I wasn’t going to change it, but I did ‘alter’ it a bit.

So sparkey became SparKey.

And the fun really started to begin.

I am not going to bore you all with the sleepless nights and crazy ideas that flowed (due to me suffering with insomnia, not due to the stress of the brief!)  But I took the initial idea of a ‘burnt out clown’ and gave him The SparKey personality.

 

The brief was to work in fun, laughter, magic and balloon modelling into a single character.  The balloon magic was a challenge, although it didn’t need to have been, I was missing one key feature of the package.  SparKey always made and wore a 3 coloured balloon made top-hat.

The magic was simple with a traditional black and white magic wand.

The fun came in the form of 3 iconic metallic green juggling clubs that SparKey used within many of his shows from the very beginning.

The fun, from his oversized green and blue clown shoes.

But how to portray the laughter?

That took more work, that took many a drawing being scrunched up on the kitchen floor, over flowing the waste paper basket at the kitchen table.  It turned me into, what to appear to others, unaware of the project….. A First Class Stalker.

Several hundred photographs, videos and observations of the man behind SparKey.

As the time went on, my sight went away.  Graphics was part of my degree, part of my soul and a brief like this wouldn’t have taken me a quarter of the time before.  This with it, bought its own demons, its own dark moments and at the same time, its own moments of creativity that may not have come, had the brief been completed in a quicker time.

One part of the design was really challenging, it was the key to bringing the whole design and character together.  It was the laughter, the smile, the energy that came through from the man behind the costume that was SparKey.

At one point, I struggled to distinguish shadows and laughter lines on his face, so I even spent time, feeling his face.  Touching his mouth and sketching as I felt the ever so slight small lines that made the smile.  The smile that made SparKey the character come to life and also the smile, that on many a draft occasion made the character look more like a psychopath than a childrens’ entertainer!

Tweaks and re-draws filled yet more waste paper baskets.  Colours and rendering took time.  Then, just before Christmas 2013 SparKey was born, he wasn’t perfect…. But that was part of his charm, part of his fun and part of the cheeky personality of the man that lay behind the image.

The man that is Simon Key. A.K.A SparKey.

 

Sparkey-Vector-1000X1233

 

Then came the colour and the logo to match.

 

Sparkey-Vector-ColourSparkey-Worded-Logo

 

All in all not bad for a VIP like me !!!

The images above are the ‘computer tweaked’ images of my hand drawings. That have now been formed to make SparKey’s business cards and website. A website that you can find at www.thesparkeyshow.co.uk

 

(copyright 2014)

Archimedes would be proud

As a VIP, I have little tweaks in the way in which I do things to enable me to feel like I am as ‘normal’ as everyone else. (Even though the strong independent part of me knows that I don’t need to be the same as or normal like everyone else!)

One of my tweaks, is to fill my bath to a successful level by using the timer on my iPhone. First the hot water, then the cold. Of course this isn’t fallible, sometimes the water is still too hot or often too cold.

Either way, I am not flooding the bathroom or even close to washing the floor!

As a busy mum, who has increased her classes and time spent at the gym, it has actually been several weeks since I last had a bath (having showered instead, so I am clean and not smelly)

So imagine my surprise yesterday evening, upon filling my bath as my usual tweak, checking the temperature and getting in that I discover that the water didn’t cover me as much as before.

I stood up and used my hands to measure the level of the water, it was the right amount of water, give or take…. So, there was only one answer for it.

There is less of me in the bath to displace the water !!!! YIPPEE

All that time at the gym and eating lovely seasonal fruit is paying off.

And now back to the drawing board on the timings for the water level?

Or, as I did last night, sit in the lower level bath and fill up when I am in it to get the desired depth and temperature.

Either way, I am a very happy bunny.

Insight in to the future – I didn’t like it

Yesterday morning I ran out of hayfever tablets, and it wasn’t until getting ready to go to bed after my eyes had felt ‘scratchy’ all evening that I remembered. But within few short minutes it was too late.

The damage was done and there was absolutely nothing I could do.

My eyes started to weep a sticky kind of tear, my eye lids swelled and involuntarily my eyes were closed.

Painfully so, too the point that I had to physically pull them open to try to put drops in, but the pain was so great I gave up on that idea.

All of this is down to my hay-fever, not my eye condition. So I wasn’t overly concerned.

But I wasn’t prepared for what happened and how what followed made me feel.

Not being able to put the eye drops in, the only other option was sleep or try too.

But to get to bed, I first had to turn off the lights and ‘close-up’ the house for the night.

I can and often do walk around my house without the lights on and I know where everything is … Well, maybe apart from the odd toy, or worse a large dog smoked bone !!

But, this was very different.

If I close my eyes when all the lights are on, I can still see the brightness from the lights through my eyelids.

And this was exactly what it was like last night, only because of the swelling and pain, I couldn’t just open my eyes a see the shapes of the lights.

This brightness was very uncomfortable, and more upsetting than I though possible.

Walking around the house turning off the lights was something that physically I could do, but emotionally it was heart breaking.

It wasn’t until the house was in complete darkness that I was able to feel calm again.

There is likely to come a time in the not so distant future when all that I will be able to see is light from dark, with possible shadowing.

Lastnight was an insight (pun intended) to what that world will feel like.

And I don’t think it is ever a world that I will he ready for.

Although registered as severely sight impaired, which many class as ‘blind’ (even in the medical world) I can still see, all be it small amounts in little detail, this is enough, my brain and memory can fill in the rest.

How will my memory cope with filling in the rest when all I can see is light and dark?

How will I tell that my children are amiling if I can only see their shadows?

Will I ever be able to cope with the fact that my sight is ever diminishing?

Or understanding how I will fit in an ever shrinking world?

Any ideas would be grateful received.

Thank you.

The pooch surprises me again.

My guide dog has given me so much independence and confidence to do things in the 4 1/2 yeas we have been working together, she has also listened to all my woes and never told a soul.

She is now in a stage in her working glide where she is slowing down and her ‘stubborn retriever’ personality is overpowering her guide dog training.  But she is still working, I have had to allow myself time to adjust to this slower pace, but a slower guide dog is still a much better option than a long cane.  Definitely for me, although I am aware that isn’t the case for everyone.

When she was trained, Vicky also recovered additional ‘target training’ from her handler.  This means I can say key words and she will find these for me, for me, this is key when out and about, she is trained for crossing buttons, bins, postboxes, doors, counters and lifts.  Since being with me, she has picked up a few extras from the ‘usual’ places we go to.  She can now find cash points, she can also find a costa coffee house, even in towns we have never visited before.

But tonight she surprised me totally with her target.  Arriving in town we popped to the cashpoint, then leaving there I said “let’s go to the pub then” to which her posture stiffened and she was off, passed the ‘local’ pub that we were stood near into the nicer pub, which was the one we haven’t been in for months and months.  But she knew!

The costa coffee I could put down to being a ‘far too regular a route’ but the pub?  She didn’t just go to the one we were stood by.

Tonight, after what has been a challenging time with her has just affirmed how much more than a mobility aid she is.  She has a memory, she can think on her paws and she does so much more for me than get me from A to B.  She keeps me independant.

Oh and tonight she got me a free drink from a stranger while I waited for my friend!!! BONUS

Fireworks

This week saw me with my family go and watch a firework display with my daughters Cub group, after navigating in the dark from the car to the camp site where the bonfire was crackling away.

We sat around enjoying campfire songs, I was mesmerised by the flames, watching the little flecks fly off into the night sky, thinking how this looks to others, do they see the flames as I do?

This was when I began to think about what a firework
Actually looked like when it went off
In the sky?

For me it is just a burst of colour, but I wondered if ‘sighted people’ saw individual flecks or different colours?

So after the camp songs & warming up by the fire we walked up to where the fireworks were being set off from & I divided that I would film some of the fireworks on my phone so I could see it as others.

This was what I filmed

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The film shows almost perfectly what a saw from the embers that were coming off of the fire, little fuzzy balls like those I spoke of in an earlier post (looking through raindrops)

Looking at the practicalities of using an iPhone to film fireworks that are roughly 100 feet in the air won’t give you the clearest image, but actually the ‘poor film quality’
Allows me to explain more to you about how I actually do see.

Maybe you can have more of an understanding as to why I was mesmerised by the little embers flying off the fire rather than the fire itself.

This has given me the chance to let you literally ‘seemyway’

I hope you enjoy?

Missing the Obvious

I often feel silly and clumsy as I am totally and utterly able to miss the obvious.  My condition is such that my field of vision is reduced and then what is left in the reduced bit is incredibly short-sighted.  if I’m not focused on anything I can see a lot-or rather my brain tells me that that is the case.  But as movement into the mix and I actually see very little.

This is me, there is no hiding the fact, but it does mean that when looking at a bigger view I can miss the obvious because I’m focussing on the wrong part of it.

I can often miss someone or something right in front of me, often a friend or family member waving.  I can also be blinded by too much information and not see anything even though technically I can see it all.  This is where my brain and memory comes in..

But then that’s for another blog!

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