Archive for About Me

Can you see me?

A friend asked me yesterday what I saw when I looked at her face in person not by looking at a photo.

We were sat only a coffee table width away from each other, so not far from each other.

As someone who has always had poor sight (although not as bad as it is now) I have no ‘normal’ memories of sight to refer to.

I usually explain it as. I can see the shadow of your eye, but not the colour or even the white in them.  I can see the darker colour of your mouth, but no detail or if you have food in your teeth.


But this doesn’t really help.

So, a quick look for an app at that App store and this is what I came up with.

A photograph of my face blurred to look the way I see it.

Can you see me?

Print page

A simple question

Watching the Para-athletics, makes me wonder:

Would I be a Climber if I could see?

It’s a simple question; but honestly not one I can answer.

Simply put, it doesn’t matter about ‘can I?’ ‘Would I?’ or even ‘Should I?’ Because I can’t see and I can climb.

My sight & hearing loss has made me who is here today, it’s not about what I can’t do.

it should ALWAYS about what I CAN DO.

Yes I like most have wishes and hopes of things I want to do; but as yet haven’t.  I am also human and long for the day that I can see and I can watch my children playing on the other side of the park.  But, I am a realist and know that there are some hopes and dreams I will never have come true.

But life is for living, something that I can’t do if I sit too long and dwell.

Print page

A Sprinkle of Magical Pixie Dust

As a parent myself, I thought hard about the names I gave my children, their father had his opinions.  We went through baby books, baby names and even google to help us choose.

My parents, named me Theresa-Claire, as the second born I was afforded a middle name where my sister Samantha wasn’t.  I was also afforded the same initials as my father; Trevor Clive.  Was it hoped that I would be TC Jr?

I am not in a position to ask these questions.  I am however able to tell you how, for as long as I can remember I was called many alternatives to my actual name.

These included ‘Top Cat’ – ‘TC’ – ‘Tessa’ – ‘Tuppence’ and for the majority of my adult life ‘Tee’

When I married I took my husbands surname, when we separated and then divorced to revert to my maiden name would have cost me the fee of a deed poll.  So, with my new partner I chose to double barrel his surname on the end of mine.

Becoming Osborne-Bell.

I had never liked my married name, I never made any secret of this.  Despite my daughter having my ex-husbands name, I couldn’t and didn’t want to keep it and as we were married when she was born, Osborne never formed part of her name as it has my sons.

Families have their differences, arguments and even irreversible consequences.  But I am not prepared to denounce any of my ‘chosen’ name.

But I have found a new ‘nickname’ off the back of it.

Dropping Osborne-Bell to O-Bell.  And altering Tee to Tink.  And now I am my very own magical, mythical pixie Tink-O-Bell.

Known often just as Tink !

In this past year I have been improving myself, admittedly half-heartedly with the support of my coach and cousin Charlie.  I have been working on creating the best version of me.  Loosing weight, improving my nutrition and sports performance through the use of Herbalife Shakes, supplements and products.

And this is where my name is key; for my favourite example of Tinkerbell isn’t in PeterPan, it is in Moulin Rouge (played by the singer Kylie) where she is the little green absinthe fairy.  Full of fun.

I am now looking to take my involvement with Herbalife further, I am now looking to use my own product result and increased energy with Herbalife to the next step.

….. That’s a whole other chapter that is only just beginning !!

But either way, it is with this involvement of the colour green that I am going to truly become my own version of Tink-O-Bell !!

Print page

I don’t have baggage… I have a full matching set of cases

I may have written about this before, many years ago a friend referred to my past and my baggage as a complete matching luggage set.

Recently I have been undertaking counselling for my anxiety and depression,  which in turn has lead me to get this lovely (not) large set of cases out of the dark parts of my mind.

And I have not been enjoying dusting them off or opening them up.

However, the past can have its uses.

It can on the surface have perfect vision.

It can also offer comfort.

However, one thing to remember is that the past is somewhere you once lived.  Not somewhere you can revisit to alter.

It is behind you with no re-entry allowed.

It is interesting to think that it can hold the keys to unlocking the future though!

Yes, this post is full of metaphors, but what can you expect at 2.30am after an evening of reflection with friends?

It was not an evening fuelled with alcohol, although maybe too much ginger ale Fizz?

Anyway, I digress…….

As part of my current therapy sessions I am looking at and deconstructing my own core beliefs, my rules, my ‘coping mechanisms’ and eventually this will lead to breaking habits of a lifetime and learning to change, learning to give myself some slack and to (probably most importantly) be able to spot when I am falling into old habits; being able to break them.

After all ‘rules are made to be broken’ (last metaphor I promise!)

Anyone who has undertaken the NHS’s iTalk therapy will have an understanding of what I am talking about.

It is based on CBT – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.  A therapy that I did learn of during my own counselling courses, but not one that I followed in great detail…. for the NHS is is a good therapy, it is one that can be provided on either a face to face basis (which I have) or over the phone, saving many ‘man hours’ overheads along with additional anxieties for some who are in receipt of the telephone consultations.

CBT is largely known as a talking therapy, it has many different ‘formulations’ so can be tailored to an individual needs much easier and quicker than some other therapies.

Diagram showing the 3 points of CBT. Thoughts, emotions and behaviours. The diagram explains how any one of the three can start an anxiety, but how no matter which of the three, between emotion, thoughts and behaviour they can easy feed from each other and create a downward spiral.

It is a fascinating therapy and one that I am only just learning.  However it is one that I can already see as a great working theory that has so much to teach me.

So, watch this space……. I may find a way to expand on this soon.

Print page

One moment can change it all.

Yesterday a chance meeting with someone suddenly enabled me to put together the mess of a jigsaw I have been living for many months.

A polite, kind and welcoming woman who was absolutley besotted by Fizz, asked me a question I have never been asked before, there was no malice in her words or ulterior motive for asking what she did, in the way she did; she asked me one very simple question.

How do you feel about having a disability?

I can imagine as I type these words that several of you will be taking an inhale of breathe through your gritted teeth!!  Maybe even muttering “you can’t ask that!”

Honestly though ….. YOU CAN.

Why can’t you?

I grew up with the saying “there is no such thing as a silly question.”  A phrase that I stand by even now as a parent, a friend and most of all as ME.

The answer to this question was out of my mouth and I could hear my own words as if I were listening to someone else say them.

My answer was simple;

I feel guilty.

I feel as a parent I am holding my children back,

I feel like I am a burden to my friends.


Rationally I know the answer to my own guilt is me, I have just never put it into words.  And WOW didn’t those words hit me like a 500 tonne truck!

Not because my own words shocked me, not because they upset me, not I was cross with myself for saying it; rather because hearing the words made me realise my irrational and unfounded fears and how they held me hostage in my own thoughts.

I have no need to feel guilt; I did not cause my eye condition and hearing loss.  My disability isn’t the result of anyone’s actions.  It just is.

So, if I know rationally I have no need to feel guilt, doesn’t just stop me feeling it.  Nor does it stop me thinking these thoughts.  It just gives me the realisation that to move forward I need to understand it.  Work through it, and most of all admit it.

After all, isn’t there a plagiarised quote on Facebook, Pinterest and Intagram that says:


Print page

What does depression look like?

Depression is a ‘hidden’ disability.  And yes it is a disability, anyone who has ever suffered with it, medicated or not will explain how on a ‘low’ day, even getting up to go to the loo is unbearable. Therefore, disabling….

So, if depression is a hidden disability; what does it look like?

it looks like this ……

Headshot of me, my hair is down, I am smiling and am chewing on the end of my glasses leg

Yup, it looks like me!

I don’t often put up the bits about me, but my depression is part of my sight loss, it is part of me and it isn’t something that can be fixed quickly with medication and ‘telling someone how you feel’.

As a trainee counsellor I more than most understand where my depression stems from and it isn’t just one thing, it is a lot of little things, some from my past, many of my present and also fears of my future.

Just because I know the WHY, doesn’t me I can fix it.  Depression is partly an imbalance of chemicals and to support me I take medication, but this isn’t the cure.

Just like knowing how your car works; it doesn’t mean you would know how to fix it if it broke….. I am not finished with my training yet, a good counsellor NEVER is.

We don’t always know what is going on on the inside, a reminder to be kind and understanding.  What may seem protective, controlling or even shying away may have a hidden meaning.

I wanted to share this, I do all I can to smile and ‘put a brave face on it’ but it doesn’t always work, also I have a really annoying best friend who knows me TOOOOOOOO well and he won’t always let me hide away.

Print page

Blind doesn’t mean I can’t see

A blurred image of a woman's eyes and the bridge of her nose.

Read more

Print page

Statistically I am pretty insignificant

Read more

Print page

Its been a long time

Hello All,

It has been a while, it has been a busy time, it has been a sad time, but it has also been a happy time. It has been a time of challanges, both personal through choice and personal through others makings. This is my blog for me to write down not only the good stuff, but also the different, the difficult and the emotional.

I had shyed away from putting it all down before, but its time to use this blog for the reason it was designed. To allow me to put myself out there…. Some posts (propably most actually) will be written with humour and quirks of my days as a VIP, but some may also be a personal and emotional view into my life, afterall, life can’t always be humour and giggles.

I will publicise my funny tales through my facebook and twitter accounts, the others will be published on my blog, but left for you to find.

So keep popping back and feel free to have a good look around.

As always your comments are very welcome, feel free to be honest, this blog is all me and honest, it is my opinions. as such the opinions are true to me, this does not mean that they may be true to you and that is all good. Feel free to challange my opinions.

Your thoughts and comments will be read, considered and as long as they contain no inapporpriateness or abuse, they will be published on for all to see and add to.

Thank you for reading.


Print page

Archimedes would be proud

As a VIP, I have little tweaks in the way in which I do things to enable me to feel like I am as ‘normal’ as everyone else. (Even though the strong independent part of me knows that I don’t need to be the same as or normal like everyone else!)

One of my tweaks, is to fill my bath to a successful level by using the timer on my iPhone. First the hot water, then the cold. Of course this isn’t fallible, sometimes the water is still too hot or often too cold.

Either way, I am not flooding the bathroom or even close to washing the floor!

As a busy mum, who has increased her classes and time spent at the gym, it has actually been several weeks since I last had a bath (having showered instead, so I am clean and not smelly)

So imagine my surprise yesterday evening, upon filling my bath as my usual tweak, checking the temperature and getting in that I discover that the water didn’t cover me as much as before.

I stood up and used my hands to measure the level of the water, it was the right amount of water, give or take…. So, there was only one answer for it.

There is less of me in the bath to displace the water !!!! YIPPEE

All that time at the gym and eating lovely seasonal fruit is paying off.

And now back to the drawing board on the timings for the water level?

Or, as I did last night, sit in the lower level bath and fill up when I am in it to get the desired depth and temperature.

Either way, I am a very happy bunny.

Print page
Page Reader Press Enter to Read Page Content Out Loud Press Enter to Pause or Restart Reading Page Content Out Loud Press Enter to Stop Reading Page Content Out Loud Screen Reader Support