Archive for Blind Blog

08 Oct 2013
Blind Blog • Training & Fitness

Joining the Gym

Just over a year ago, I signed up to a swim membership at my local leisure centre. I aimed to go several times a week to improve my fitness.

I was able to swim alone if I chose my times carefully, but to keep up my enthusiasm and to help me with my swim technique I roped a friend into coming with me.

The swimming was going well, I still go. But I felt that as the colder, wetter, darker weather was due to set in, my opportunity to get out on my bike, for a run or just an incredibly long walk was reducing.

I also needed to admit to myself that I needed to train more if I were going to actually achieve something out of the great south run.

So….. Joining the gym seemed the obvious choice.

To say I was nervous was an understatement, I was petrified.

The instructor Stephen, who did my induction with me was incredibly fit and I felt incredibly unfit and fat. Yes it is his job,, and isn’t that the whole reason I was joining, was to improve both my fitness and to reduce my weight.

I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to use the machines, but those fears were soon quashed. The display on the cardio gym equipment was HUGE…. It was also incredibly simple and easy to use.

I would if I wished even plug in a set of headphones and watch my own tv programmes if I wished, without disruptions from any kids. I asked if I could move in, but they said “no” !!

Stephen was very clear in his explanations of how to use the different programmes on the machines and where I could find everything within the gym. For now I am only looking to use the cardio machines.

Since my induction last tuesday, I have already been 3 times.

I like the fact that on the treadmill I can run at different paces, without having to do it at a time that suits someone else. The gym is open from 6am to 11pm, that is the only restraint on when I can go, that and childcare too.

This has made me feel incredibly good about myself. Help is on hand, but for the majority of the time I am independent. I can run, walk, ride, row, all by myself.

In addition to the gym, I have also joined a class. Its called BodyBalance and is a mix between Pilates, Yoga and Tai Chi..

Carol the instructor is incredibly descriptive with the position and movements, it is a very slow although energetic I felt able to keep up, even if I need to work a bit more on my balance and coordination.

But I survived and will be back again tomorrow for another class. It will take time to get up to a more flexible standard as some of the others that go to the class, but then thats why I am doing this.

To improve my fitness for me.

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05 Oct 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

Life

It happens around us, it creeps up around you and before you and before you know it, lots has happened and you haven’t written a single part of it down.

So here I am, writing it down.

Bear with me, there is training for the great south run to catch up on, a new gym experience, my guide dog, gained independence, the fun of benefits and me finding out about me. So over the next few days there will be a fair few updates, some will be archived depending I when they occurred, so have a good look around.

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17 Sep 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

My guide dog & me

As a guide dog user my guide dog is an extension of me and my Independence. This wasn’t a concept that I truly understood until we had worked together for several years.
When I applied for my first guide dog back in 2009, I knew that it would make a difference to my life, but to what extent I was not aware. There have been both good sides and low sides to having a guide dog. The biggest thing for me of having a guide dog is the emotional, love and soppy side that officially guide dogs don’t tell you about. When applying for a dog and training you are told all about how important the bond within the partnership is, for that reason it is key to have a period of bonding with no interruptions from anyone else before the training starts.

For me, both my daughter and my partner went away for the weekend, Vicky arrived on the Friday afternoon and we spent the weekend together, just playing and spending time in the garden. I groomed her, tickled her tummy and fell in love with her.

I was very nervous about starting our training and if I would be able to do it, but she seemed to sense this and just kept on nuzzling me as if to say “it’s going to be ok”. The very same way she still does now when I am down or upset. Without this connection I do not feel that we would have the working relationship and connection that we do today.

She has enabled me walk with my head held high and regain my posture that had slowly been being lost as I had began to look at my feet so much to watch my step, rather than my surroundings and where I am.

There was a very steep learning curve with Vicky, I made mistakes, we made mistakes together and we gained a wonderful trust for each other, that only strengthened our working bond.

A working bond that appears to be coming to an end.

It is with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I write this blog, my sight is slowly deteriorating, but with Vicky by my side my independence is at its highest, allowing me to improve my health and my fitness. But at a time when she is slowing down and asking not to work so hard or so much.

Vicky has had her own health issues during our time together, for which she has an inhaler to help to open her airways to increase her breathing, which she has responded well to. But, with her Eighth birthday approaching next week she has been hinting that it is time to hang up the harness.

She is well, she is very happy and will allow me to put the harness on and work, but she is also holding back, she has reverted to working in a way that we did at the beginning.

She is wishing to walk me close to walls, shop fronts and buildings, which with it brings an unsettled and troublesome result. Walking and working in this way means that the walk is a start-stop, we have to continually walk back out to walk around obstacles like a-frames, bins, posts and even people.

Initially we had trained this way, but as both our confidences grew, we moved more into the middle of the path, for Vicky to revert back to this shows a sign of unhappiness and possible stress or lack of confidence in what she is doing.

So, with great discussions with her and my guide dog mobility team we have taken the step to look at her retirement and me moving on to work with another dog.

I will take the time over the next few weeks and months to open up more about this, but for now, before my heartbreak over takes me I will end this post here.

Thank you for reading. Please feel free to ask questions xx

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09 Aug 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

Employment and support allowance

Having suffered with my employer and my depression caused by my continued battle with getting to grips with my deteriorating eye condition and having to learn to use a new form of accessible software that I didn’t feel ready for, I had been on long term sick leave since October 2012. In February this year, after a lot of thinking, adjustments and not very successful adjustments, I was let go from my position on medical grounds.

This did not in fact cause me any great upset, as I had come to the conclusion that my current role was not the one for me.

It was the thought of accepting my eye condition and applying for the government benefit, for people like me who are unable to work…. Employment and Support allowance, often referred to as ESA. Read more

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29 Jun 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

Different views

When at a family wedding recently I realised that my children have a little more freedom than I thought I gave them.

let me explain….

As a VIP mum I often feel that I protect my children a little too much (is there such a thing?)  As I have mentioned before I have a 7 year old and a 3 year old, since my sight has noticeably deteriorated since 2008 when my daughter was just 2 years old I have continually question my own parenting and compared it to my friends.  for example, living in a bungalow I have a clear rule with my children regarding toys, I will tread carefully when walking in the kids rooms, but if they leave toys around the house they may be moved without warning or worse if trodden on, they risk being broken.  So my children learnt very quickly to be tidy with toys outside their rooms.

When walking between the church and reception venue in Hamble recently with my parents, I discovered that I actually have my children more freedom and trust than my mum had expected or could understand.

Working with a guide dog, we are trained together using voice and right hand signals to convey information, so I am limited to carrying or holding things in my right hand the majority of the time.  Resulting in my children learning to walk with or slightly in front of me without holding my hand, when crossing the road they will put their hand on my leg so that I know exactly where they are. Walking on a wide path by a busy road, my daughter was happily walking ahead with chatting with her cousin, my son was walking and skipping about 20 foot in front of us, my mum was continually asking him to walk with her and hold her hand.  He struggled with this and it didn’t last long before he got bored and ran off ahead a little.

My mum found this naughty behaviour (which I fully understand) but after me explaining that this was different to what he was used to she seemed to understand.  However, I feel that she found this difficult to understand eclectically as my sight is so poor.

The children do have rules when we are out like this, they do not cross roads without me, they do not walk around corners without me and if I feel they are walking off to far I will shout STOP and they are to stand still until I catch up with them.  To check the distance, we often make a game out of it on walking to the next lamppost or telegraph pole. as the reader, what do you think?

Am I too trusting of them? I would appreciate your feedback x

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03 Jun 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

Fun Fairs

Lots of blogs this week, but I get to break from the usual boring home, study routine when my two children are home.  As I said before, I won’t let me being a VIP affect them or the fun they get to have.

So, on Sunday as a birthday treat we went to the fun fair at Hayling Island, I have never been there before, but friends had raved about it & how much fun the kids could have (big & small!)

They weren’t wrong.

With a 3 and 7 year old it is often difficult to find the balance on somewhere they can both have fun and do things together or with me.  Of-course my faithful GD came along too although she didn’t partake in much of the fun, just the run along the beach afterwards.

For me, I got to drive! only on the bumper cars, but didn’t I make the most of it, first with my son, then with my daughter and then they had their own car and I got to go alone.

 

We went on the halter skelter, the log flume, the balloon ride, even the rickettly old roller-coaster (I didn’t want to ask if it was part of its design or age that made it that way)

I know many people do these sorts of rides with their eyes closed, so most can guess what that feels like, but how about if your eyes were a blurry haze?

It makes things seem there that aren’t, it makes it feel that you will hit your head or that the cart your in will come off of the rails.

Also with no depth perception I have no ability to judge the hieght of a climb or the steepness of a drop….. But for me that adds to the excitement.

So to say that I had just as much if not more fun as the kids would be an understatement …….. We loved it!

The weather was just right and like all good funfairs I got to enjoy an old family tradition of having my bucket of pennies and playing on the slot machines too, dropping the coin at just the right time to not fall on top of the pile, put to push some of the coins down into the winning bit.

Who says sight loss has to make you miss things, it just makes it a different experience, but having never had brilliant sight I can’t say is it were a better or worse experience, my children had a fabulous time and that was the whole point of the day.

Me getting to join in so much was an added bonus!

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31 May 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

What’s in a saying?

We all have little ways of saying things, little phrases that we all use every day, without thinking.

The most common of these are:-

” Have you seen this?”

“Look at this.”

“did you see that?”

my response to aloof these is no, but I have never, nor will I ever take offence to them.  I myself usually end a conversation with ” See you again soon,”

They are common sayings and I even do it, if I’ve been to a film having listened to the audio description, I still say ” I saw that…….film the other night, have you seen it?”

I also say that I’ve read a great book book lately, even though I listen to it.  “I’ve just listened to a great film/book” just doesn’t have the same ring to it!

The reason I am writing this blog about this is because yesterday when out with a good family friend and all our kids, he went to show me a photo on his phone and stopped dead and then apologised for saying the classic “look at this”

As the day went on he continued to say ” come look at this” again apologising after each time.

This unsettled me, not because he had said these things, because he was just saying the same things that we all say (me included) but that he felt anxious by the thought that he had upset me.

How perverted would it sound if I started saying “I’ll feel you later” ! Or my friends said to me, ” Come and touch this!” I know I would probably run in the opposite direction.

So, I will continue to tell my friends that I look forward to seeing them soon and do not want my friends to cringe or feel anxious when they say ” come look at this” or “have you seen this”

So, these are just typical English sayings and part of each and everyone of us.  I can’t talk for every VIP or people with other disabilities, but I doubt they would take offence either.

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27 May 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

Walking in the woods

A gorgeous bright sunny bank holiday Monday is just what everyone wishes for.  Me too, but with bright sunny weather comes other issues For me.

Taking my son out to a great little play park in the Forest of Bere, this means that I can also free run my guide dog in the woodlands, she loves finding sticks and jumping in the streams and puddles.

Today as we got a lift up to the forest, it appeared that most families had had the same idea, there was nowhere to park, so a thankfully we were just getting dropped off.  But being a veteran of these woods I knew that this would be ok.

Walk just 10 minutes past the park and adventure playground and your have tranquility.

maybe the odd group of older children making a camp, oor the odd dedicated dog walker, but none of the families enjoying their picnics while the Kids play in the parks.

But although I know this area very well, but with the puppy out comes the long cane.  In an off road track this isn’t ideal, but its better than nothing.

As I said earlier, bright sunny cloudless day’s are a struggle.  For me this comes in stopping me from using my remaining sight, relying purely on light and dark and shadows and sounds.

Vicky free runs wearing a play collar, this collar has a bell on it the makes a noise every time she moves (fantastic when she disappears off into the woodland)

My son is a little chatterbox and loves to sing woodland songs, so with strategically dressed bright clothes that contrasts when he runs into the woodland too to find twigs & bugs. So I know where he is too.

But on brighter days my concentration to keep safer safe and be aware that I’m not smothering him in Cotton wool is exhausting.  Mix this with panics over shadows of the trees That are created by the sun above suddenly appearing out of no-where and its quite a tricky walk in comparison to doing it on a cloudy day.

I still enjoy it, but when we get home the dog isn’t the only one who is exhausted.

Would you be able to navigate around rough terrain if your vision was clouded so you could only see the light against dark or shadow?

I would love to experiment with a few friends, wrapping scarves around their face just to let the light in, but no view….

even if you read this, but don’t go that far, I hope this post has helped you understand seeing my way!

 

 

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17 May 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

Another ending

My condition is such that it often alters very little over time, so on a daily basis I may not notice any difference from the day or week before.  But when I go to do something that I did some time ago, that it when I notice it.

This recognition that something has changed, often hits me like a smack in the mouth!

When I started working for my employer in 2011 I had been using my home computer and work computer on a much lower level.  By this I mean that in my previous role my work was split up between dealing with clients, the computer and general office work.

The new position was all computer based and telephone connection with clients.  No more face to face contact.  Isolating yes, but this meant that I could work from home in the evenings after the homework was done.

Working from full spreadsheets I started to notice problems, through a scheme ran by the government called ‘access to work’ I was able to apply for a grant for adaptions to my computer, this included zoom text software to magnify the screen and allow me to move around the page with ease, this worked well.

But like all companies, the software and processes that they used changed.  I moved from a spreadsheet to an up to the minute online calling system, all the information was there in front of me, the computer also did an automatic dial to the client.

The new system was a struggle.

 

I work very well with order and sequence, with the new system this wasn’t always the case depending on the needs of the client.  This was not a design fault of the system the company used.  It was an issue I had due to my sight loss.  The programme was very simplistic and easy to use, were you able to see it all on one screen, which with the magnification, I couldn’t.

Work were more than happy to offer support and to aid me with my work I was able to work at a reduced rate without financially missing out while I went through a transition phase working with the new system.

It was in this period that I began to struggle personally with my sight loss and its implications, as a person who has a very strong work ethic I felt that I was letting myself and the company down.

It took months to actually admit this, during which time I struggled on.  It was at my breaking point in June 2012 that I admitted my struggles to my doctor, who was very kind, understanding and started to work with me to get the help and support that I required.

I also contacted my employers accessibility team and explained my issues, they made an assessment and felt that moving away from magnification and moving to a screen reading technology would be better for me.  So back to ATW I went with my report and all of my needs, including a brailliant (a computerised braille reader) I was able to start on the road to doing my job in a different, new and exciting way.

In theory anyway……..

Because of the way in which screen readers read a page on the computer and the layout of the software used, the two were not compatible.  An issue that was not of great concern for me as I was to move back to working with the spreadsheets, a preference of mine.  They included more data so that I was not disadvantaged over my colleagues.

But I broke.

I have been using a Mac for a long time and using the built in accessibility and with the help of my voice Lily, I have got on very well with it when I have needed it.

Having some useable sight I struggled to let go of that completely and with that I developed an eye strain that had a great affect on my levels of concentration for which I need to take eye drops on almost an hourly basis if I am using the computer or even watching tv or a film.

In October I took the step to visit my doctor again and explain these issues, she felt that it was important for me to understand my depression and how to deal with this and in turn my altering eye condition.  So she made an alteration to medications and put me forward for counselling.  Oh, and she signed me ‘unfit to work’

Having undertaken many changes in my life, some positive, some not so  I attended a final stage sickness review with my employer, and on Monday my contract with them was terminated on medical grounds.

I had always hoped to return to work, but this position was one, that even with assistive technology and support I would not be capable of, not through lack of knowledge or an imcompetance, just through circumstance.

This I think is a decision and understanding I had come to by myself long before the meeting, after all to get to stage three, I had been through stages 1 and 2, an in-depth report from my own doctor and an independent medical assessment.

It is heartbreaking to say goodbye to this job, today was the final ending as my ,ine manager collected all 6 boxes of computers, technologies and the hub that they had installed on the start of my employment.

This equipment has been boxed up for a few months to save it from the kids and dust, but the space it has left caused a tear or two.

I see this a defeat, I HATE to fail, to let people down.  To let myself down.  It is always hard for anyone to walk away from something when it is not working.  But hopefully this is one stress crossed of the list and will enable me to move forward.

Wish me luck.

 

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07 May 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

I will never argue with her again

Every guide dog owner can tell you of a time when they have had to deal with SDS (stubborn Dog Syndrome).

A good gd is well trained, a great gd is able to problem solve and think outside the training. But no matter how good or great, there is a key factor that many people forget, they are still dogs and as such have a very active mind of their own….. Many a gd owner who has had a retriever, will tell a tale or two about their stubborn streak, their dislike of walking back on themselves, so if you forget something in the supermarket aisle, you have to con them by walking in a round route down the next aisle to get back to where you actually started.

This stubborn streak can also come out when you do the same walk, say to the corner shop that they do each and every day, all gd’s retrievers or not are dogs and have a very loveable and funny sense of humour.

This evening on my way home from a friends, after a very stubborn day from my gd I was reminded that she is my guide, my protector and that she has an extra sense, that even with full sight I would never possess.

Tonight my puppy saved my life.

We were heading home, Vicky had taken me to the crossing that we had used so many times before, I pressed the button and awaited the beep to say we could walk. The beep started, but she refused to move. She was in fact backing up, as if to says he wanted to go back where we had come from. So of course, I corrected her and tried to move her forward. It was in that milli-second that the truth came out.

The crossing was still beeping, yet I heard and felt the air where two rather loud, turbo charged cars whooshed right in front of me.

If she had let me cross, we could have been severely hurt if not worse.

I was so shaken that I just sat down on the path and grabbed her in a big hug. A women walking on the opposite side of the road had seen the whole thing and rushed to see that we were ok……

We were both fine, although I was a little shaken by what could have been.

Guide dogs are trained not to walk in front of cars when they have their engines on, unless on a designated crossing, but it is never the gd’s responsibility to say when it is safe to cross the road, that is always down to the owner. They are trained to stop for cars and bikes and not to cross, but as I said as her human, it is always my responsibility to say when to cross or not, because some dogs loose the ability to judge traffic if they don’t use it. Which I can say since training Vicky has only had to do it once (not bad in 4 years!)

But I couldn’t even hear these cars approaching the lights, a sound of gear changes that I have come to understand to tell when a car is slowing down, and judging by the speed in which they’d went past, they hadn’t been close by before the lights had changed.

I have heard stories of this happening before, one Guide dog was even awarded a medal for doing the very same thing for his owner on a busy street. But I couldn’t believe my luck when I discovered that my very own Vicky was capable of this and had as a result saved us both a lot of pain.

Tonight I am a very proud gd owner & will think twice before arguing with her at the crossing.

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