Tag Archive for VIP

09 Aug 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

Employment and support allowance

Having suffered with my employer and my depression caused by my continued battle with getting to grips with my deteriorating eye condition and having to learn to use a new form of accessible software that I didn’t feel ready for, I had been on long term sick leave since October 2012. In February this year, after a lot of thinking, adjustments and not very successful adjustments, I was let go from my position on medical grounds.

This did not in fact cause me any great upset, as I had come to the conclusion that my current role was not the one for me.

It was the thought of accepting my eye condition and applying for the government benefit, for people like me who are unable to work…. Employment and Support allowance, often referred to as ESA. Read more

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29 Jun 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

Different views

When at a family wedding recently I realised that my children have a little more freedom than I thought I gave them.

let me explain….

As a VIP mum I often feel that I protect my children a little too much (is there such a thing?)  As I have mentioned before I have a 7 year old and a 3 year old, since my sight has noticeably deteriorated since 2008 when my daughter was just 2 years old I have continually question my own parenting and compared it to my friends.  for example, living in a bungalow I have a clear rule with my children regarding toys, I will tread carefully when walking in the kids rooms, but if they leave toys around the house they may be moved without warning or worse if trodden on, they risk being broken.  So my children learnt very quickly to be tidy with toys outside their rooms.

When walking between the church and reception venue in Hamble recently with my parents, I discovered that I actually have my children more freedom and trust than my mum had expected or could understand.

Working with a guide dog, we are trained together using voice and right hand signals to convey information, so I am limited to carrying or holding things in my right hand the majority of the time.  Resulting in my children learning to walk with or slightly in front of me without holding my hand, when crossing the road they will put their hand on my leg so that I know exactly where they are. Walking on a wide path by a busy road, my daughter was happily walking ahead with chatting with her cousin, my son was walking and skipping about 20 foot in front of us, my mum was continually asking him to walk with her and hold her hand.  He struggled with this and it didn’t last long before he got bored and ran off ahead a little.

My mum found this naughty behaviour (which I fully understand) but after me explaining that this was different to what he was used to she seemed to understand.  However, I feel that she found this difficult to understand eclectically as my sight is so poor.

The children do have rules when we are out like this, they do not cross roads without me, they do not walk around corners without me and if I feel they are walking off to far I will shout STOP and they are to stand still until I catch up with them.  To check the distance, we often make a game out of it on walking to the next lamppost or telegraph pole. as the reader, what do you think?

Am I too trusting of them? I would appreciate your feedback x

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28 Jun 2013
About Me

It sounded so simple…. Then you put me in the mix!

As well as blogging I keep up to date with friends and family via my Facebook account, the other day after what had started out as a fun conversation I put myself on the line and admitted to having been forced to admit that I had a limitation.

Yes…. I hear you all say, everyone does.  But this limitation wasn’t even something I had ever considered before, or even wanted to do.  And in the grand scheme of life is very unimportant and changes nothing.  But I started to bother me.

I thought the easiest way for you to see what I am talking about is to copy the post in below, including the comments.  As to protect the identity of my friends I have re-written the post and named them F1, F2 etc, etc.

I would be interested to follow on this conversation further, so feel free to comment yourself underneath on here.

THE STATUS:    An honest conversation with a trusted friend has made me realise that with my sight, there are some things I just won’t ever do….. Some I can get around, fudge through in a different way with help & support.  But today the realisation that there is something I won’t ever do, silly thing is that its only a small thing too…. But feeling 🙁

 

ME:  And it wasn’t even anything I though would bother me, it’s the realisation of limitation not the thing I can’t do.  Even my stubborn streak won’t get me through this one.

F1:  You will get through it hun!  Been there – spend some time wallowing in self pity and then equally important pick yourself up and get on with what you CAN do!

ME:  I know-its the kids, home, college, work is all that matters, but it’t limitations of not being able to do something so very simple for others——-even a small child can do it!

F1:  Yep!  Let yourself spend some time feeling sad, don’t try and ignore it.  Have a bath, get in you pj’s and bring out the chocolate!

F2:  If you don’t mind me asking, what is it?

ME:  Its very silly and ridiculous…….. Juggling!!!    Having looked after Miss Key the other evening while Mst Key & Simon Key did a juggling with scouts.  Mst Key came back telling how great it was & how his dad could teach anyone to do it, it never interested me, bit it set the challenge & the thinking cogs working.  So had a good talk about it & the answer was NO… I need to be able to follow the movement, although I do have some vision.  I have no ability to judge distance or quick movement.

Its not the juggling that is the issue, its the fact that it points out a limitation.  For example, I am not allowed to drive a car (legally) & have a driving license.  But  I can physically drive a car, on private property with the right support.  I know how to do it & can do it.  Its a silly thing, but its these little bits for me that stand out as a limitation.  That having discussed the options of making it accessible isn’t there, if I wish I could play blind football, blind cricket, if I so desired, silly isn’t it?

F2:  I don’t see why you can’t try??  Think of how much fun it would be.  Just make sure you use soft balls so not to knock anyone out though! 🙂  Nothing is impossible, we place on ourselves our own limitations so if you say you can’t then you won’t, if you say to hell with it I am going to have a go…. then you have got nothing to lose and if you prove yourself right they you can say hell at least I tried!!

F3:  I think the thing is that you have to have a base to start with.  If you know that it is something that might be nearly impossible to do before you start, then if you still want to try then you don’t set your hopes up too high.  The bonus is that i you did achieve it then it would make it all the more special. let me have a think, I’m sure Mst Key is right.  He tells me enough that he is 🙂

F2:  Nearly impossible! See not impossible at all 🙂

F3:  just have to be realistic.  Thats all I’m saying, what the hell, I have been learning 5 for 6 years !!!!

F2:  There is being realistic though and shattering poor Theresa’s juggling dreams.  I anyone can you can Mr Key 🙂 xx

ME:  Oh dear, what have I started?  It’s not the juggling that is the point here.

F3:  Well it kind of is and isn’t.  I think the point is that you wont know what you can and can’t do till you try……

F2:  Excellent!  I look forward to hearing your juggling tales Theresa and Mr Key.

ME:  It’s got taken all out of context, I don’t really want to juggle.  I hate the word ‘Can’t’ I know what you meant when you explained it, no it’s not impossible, bit it just highlights the fact that I can’t just grab a set of balls & get going.  You said yourself that you need to think about how!  It’s something highly skilled when you get to your level, but at the same time it’s very basic and simple at the start point.  And I can’t just get on and have a go.  This sees me start thinking & analysing other things I can do or can’t do & the spiral starts & thats why it was never about the actually juggling… Hence why I never put it in the start of this post!  I appreciate the support & kind words from you all.  I’m not as has been suggested (by pm) fishing for sympathy or compliments on what I can do or try.  I wrote this because it was how I was feeling & at that very same moment on looking at Facebook it just felt right to put into words, stop it just being in my head & driving me even more crazy!

F3:  Nope no taking it back now lol.

F2:  Nope, you can’t back out now.  Learn to juggle woman then you can pass your juggling wisdom to me 🙂

_____________________________________________________________

It makes for this being a rather long blog, but I hope it gives you an idea of my thoughts.  Juggling isn’t the issue for me, its not even something like I said earlier that is of great interest.  It merely highlights that for me to do some things, I need to set myself up in a very different way than others.  Have to alter the way in which I do things.  My friends were being helpful with their comments, I am always open to constructive criticism.

I grew up not seeing myself differently to others, but now I do…… I feel so very different.

And this is the point.

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18 Jun 2013
Days Out

Child’s Play

Today while at a friends house, their son was happily, quietly playing with Lego to make a old world village, I asked him if he would mind if I could build something with him.

He kindly asked if I needed him to help me as the parts where quite small and I may not see them, then he quickly told me that with Lego I didn’t need to see it, as I could just count the bumps on the top to feel how big and what shape the pieces are.

He then suggested that I built a church for his village. I asked him about the colours of the Lego as with them being so small I couldn’t see them and I was worried that it would be funny colours.

To which he simply answered ‘It doesn’t matter about the colours that’s the fun of Lego, the whole village can be all different colours and it doesn’t matter’

This bought back huge childhood memories for me, as a child me and my sister had built a huge pirate ship, it was built with whatever bricks we could find and was a giant rainbow.

Sometimes I think that as adults we aim for perfection too often, well I do anyway. Where as with kids it’s the fun of building and the game, not what you end up with in the end.

And also that as a grown woman I am never too old to sit down with a box of Lego and just build, sight or no sight as it is one of the first and still the most tactile toy available!!!

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11 Jun 2013
About Me

Feeling Isolated, yet surrounded by others.

Although I am a VIP, I pride myself on being independent and when I am within environments that I know or at least understand I am able to achieve this.

But move me away from my comforts and I struggle. I have often linked asking for help and needing support as a weakness and laughed it of as me being silly not being able to do things because of my eye condition.

After all,  lazy, I don’t like to just sit back and get others to do things for me while I am able to do it for myself.

A recent bought of bad health has seen me admitted to hospital. Which I am sure you will agree without adding in my eye condition is quite a daunting and scary thing.

But starting with the travel in the ambulance to get here, to moving from emergency medicine, to medical assessment to the current ward, I am feeling very low and lost.

The ambulance crew were fantastic, very descriptive and explained what they were doing and even where we were on our journey especially when we were travelling down the corkscrew of a slip road off of the motorway, which whil laying down and travelling backwards felt like a roller coaster ride!

Emergency medicine was very busy and nurses and doctors were rushing everywhere, I was really looked after and treated brilliantly, every time a nurse came passed my bed they asked if I needed help to get to the bathroom as they were all aware of my sight or lack of it.

Following hospital guidelines on time etc ( the politics of the nhs) I was moved to a medical assessment unit for further looking at. The handover on this ward was detailed about my eye condition, but sadly not passed over clearly to the next staff that took over, so having buzzed for assistance to go to the bathroom I was advised that if I couldn’t walk I was to use a commode…. So I corrected them that I was able to walk, but couldn’t see, which she argued over as I wore glasses, surely I knew where the bathroom was (don’t worry, the compaint went straight in to the staff the next day and the bed allocator who spoke with me about my preferences before I moved to the ward I am on now)

The porter that took me between the two wards was unaware and grumpy that she had been apparently stood by the side of my bed being ignored for 5 minutes, so she got a firm explanation of my eye condition and how it was polite to make people aware of her presence!

The ward I am on now was not able to accommodate me in, but I was given the next best thing. The ward I Amon with just 3 other ladies has a bathroom directly opposite me. The layout of the room was thoroughly explained as was the location of the bathroom, the rails and most importantly the help call buttons.

The odd slip up with cleaners moving my table or my glass from one end to the other has occurred, but the ladies on my ward have helped greatly, although immobile they have always explained the new location of the table or the glass perfectly. Just this morning they advised me of a wet floor sign just at the side of my bed that I would have kicked into.

Hospitals are not my favourite place and I know how busy the staff are, so hate to feel that I am making a nuisance of myself when taking up their time with silly little things.

The reaso sharing this with you is because, just this morning I had a great chat with the nurse. I explained my condition, my worries and had a really good chat, she then helped me sort out my clothes within the locker so I would find things easier. She briefed her staff about me and even got one of the assistants to help me plait my hair to cheer me up. She told me that all of the things I needed, whether that was medication or being told where food was on my plate wa all part of my care, nothing silly, nothing was because I was being stupid. She said that she would expect everyone on the ward to receive the care that they required with all of their needs, not just the medical issue that had bought them into hospital.

I sometimes need reminding of that. Just because I see my disability as a failing on my independence, others don’t and they would be failing within the job they were assigned to do if they did.

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03 Jun 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

Fun Fairs

Lots of blogs this week, but I get to break from the usual boring home, study routine when my two children are home.  As I said before, I won’t let me being a VIP affect them or the fun they get to have.

So, on Sunday as a birthday treat we went to the fun fair at Hayling Island, I have never been there before, but friends had raved about it & how much fun the kids could have (big & small!)

They weren’t wrong.

With a 3 and 7 year old it is often difficult to find the balance on somewhere they can both have fun and do things together or with me.  Of-course my faithful GD came along too although she didn’t partake in much of the fun, just the run along the beach afterwards.

For me, I got to drive! only on the bumper cars, but didn’t I make the most of it, first with my son, then with my daughter and then they had their own car and I got to go alone.

 

We went on the halter skelter, the log flume, the balloon ride, even the rickettly old roller-coaster (I didn’t want to ask if it was part of its design or age that made it that way)

I know many people do these sorts of rides with their eyes closed, so most can guess what that feels like, but how about if your eyes were a blurry haze?

It makes things seem there that aren’t, it makes it feel that you will hit your head or that the cart your in will come off of the rails.

Also with no depth perception I have no ability to judge the hieght of a climb or the steepness of a drop….. But for me that adds to the excitement.

So to say that I had just as much if not more fun as the kids would be an understatement …….. We loved it!

The weather was just right and like all good funfairs I got to enjoy an old family tradition of having my bucket of pennies and playing on the slot machines too, dropping the coin at just the right time to not fall on top of the pile, put to push some of the coins down into the winning bit.

Who says sight loss has to make you miss things, it just makes it a different experience, but having never had brilliant sight I can’t say is it were a better or worse experience, my children had a fabulous time and that was the whole point of the day.

Me getting to join in so much was an added bonus!

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31 May 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

What’s in a saying?

We all have little ways of saying things, little phrases that we all use every day, without thinking.

The most common of these are:-

” Have you seen this?”

“Look at this.”

“did you see that?”

my response to aloof these is no, but I have never, nor will I ever take offence to them.  I myself usually end a conversation with ” See you again soon,”

They are common sayings and I even do it, if I’ve been to a film having listened to the audio description, I still say ” I saw that…….film the other night, have you seen it?”

I also say that I’ve read a great book book lately, even though I listen to it.  “I’ve just listened to a great film/book” just doesn’t have the same ring to it!

The reason I am writing this blog about this is because yesterday when out with a good family friend and all our kids, he went to show me a photo on his phone and stopped dead and then apologised for saying the classic “look at this”

As the day went on he continued to say ” come look at this” again apologising after each time.

This unsettled me, not because he had said these things, because he was just saying the same things that we all say (me included) but that he felt anxious by the thought that he had upset me.

How perverted would it sound if I started saying “I’ll feel you later” ! Or my friends said to me, ” Come and touch this!” I know I would probably run in the opposite direction.

So, I will continue to tell my friends that I look forward to seeing them soon and do not want my friends to cringe or feel anxious when they say ” come look at this” or “have you seen this”

So, these are just typical English sayings and part of each and everyone of us.  I can’t talk for every VIP or people with other disabilities, but I doubt they would take offence either.

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17 May 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

Another ending

My condition is such that it often alters very little over time, so on a daily basis I may not notice any difference from the day or week before.  But when I go to do something that I did some time ago, that it when I notice it.

This recognition that something has changed, often hits me like a smack in the mouth!

When I started working for my employer in 2011 I had been using my home computer and work computer on a much lower level.  By this I mean that in my previous role my work was split up between dealing with clients, the computer and general office work.

The new position was all computer based and telephone connection with clients.  No more face to face contact.  Isolating yes, but this meant that I could work from home in the evenings after the homework was done.

Working from full spreadsheets I started to notice problems, through a scheme ran by the government called ‘access to work’ I was able to apply for a grant for adaptions to my computer, this included zoom text software to magnify the screen and allow me to move around the page with ease, this worked well.

But like all companies, the software and processes that they used changed.  I moved from a spreadsheet to an up to the minute online calling system, all the information was there in front of me, the computer also did an automatic dial to the client.

The new system was a struggle.

 

I work very well with order and sequence, with the new system this wasn’t always the case depending on the needs of the client.  This was not a design fault of the system the company used.  It was an issue I had due to my sight loss.  The programme was very simplistic and easy to use, were you able to see it all on one screen, which with the magnification, I couldn’t.

Work were more than happy to offer support and to aid me with my work I was able to work at a reduced rate without financially missing out while I went through a transition phase working with the new system.

It was in this period that I began to struggle personally with my sight loss and its implications, as a person who has a very strong work ethic I felt that I was letting myself and the company down.

It took months to actually admit this, during which time I struggled on.  It was at my breaking point in June 2012 that I admitted my struggles to my doctor, who was very kind, understanding and started to work with me to get the help and support that I required.

I also contacted my employers accessibility team and explained my issues, they made an assessment and felt that moving away from magnification and moving to a screen reading technology would be better for me.  So back to ATW I went with my report and all of my needs, including a brailliant (a computerised braille reader) I was able to start on the road to doing my job in a different, new and exciting way.

In theory anyway……..

Because of the way in which screen readers read a page on the computer and the layout of the software used, the two were not compatible.  An issue that was not of great concern for me as I was to move back to working with the spreadsheets, a preference of mine.  They included more data so that I was not disadvantaged over my colleagues.

But I broke.

I have been using a Mac for a long time and using the built in accessibility and with the help of my voice Lily, I have got on very well with it when I have needed it.

Having some useable sight I struggled to let go of that completely and with that I developed an eye strain that had a great affect on my levels of concentration for which I need to take eye drops on almost an hourly basis if I am using the computer or even watching tv or a film.

In October I took the step to visit my doctor again and explain these issues, she felt that it was important for me to understand my depression and how to deal with this and in turn my altering eye condition.  So she made an alteration to medications and put me forward for counselling.  Oh, and she signed me ‘unfit to work’

Having undertaken many changes in my life, some positive, some not so  I attended a final stage sickness review with my employer, and on Monday my contract with them was terminated on medical grounds.

I had always hoped to return to work, but this position was one, that even with assistive technology and support I would not be capable of, not through lack of knowledge or an imcompetance, just through circumstance.

This I think is a decision and understanding I had come to by myself long before the meeting, after all to get to stage three, I had been through stages 1 and 2, an in-depth report from my own doctor and an independent medical assessment.

It is heartbreaking to say goodbye to this job, today was the final ending as my ,ine manager collected all 6 boxes of computers, technologies and the hub that they had installed on the start of my employment.

This equipment has been boxed up for a few months to save it from the kids and dust, but the space it has left caused a tear or two.

I see this a defeat, I HATE to fail, to let people down.  To let myself down.  It is always hard for anyone to walk away from something when it is not working.  But hopefully this is one stress crossed of the list and will enable me to move forward.

Wish me luck.

 

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07 May 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

I will never argue with her again

Every guide dog owner can tell you of a time when they have had to deal with SDS (stubborn Dog Syndrome).

A good gd is well trained, a great gd is able to problem solve and think outside the training. But no matter how good or great, there is a key factor that many people forget, they are still dogs and as such have a very active mind of their own….. Many a gd owner who has had a retriever, will tell a tale or two about their stubborn streak, their dislike of walking back on themselves, so if you forget something in the supermarket aisle, you have to con them by walking in a round route down the next aisle to get back to where you actually started.

This stubborn streak can also come out when you do the same walk, say to the corner shop that they do each and every day, all gd’s retrievers or not are dogs and have a very loveable and funny sense of humour.

This evening on my way home from a friends, after a very stubborn day from my gd I was reminded that she is my guide, my protector and that she has an extra sense, that even with full sight I would never possess.

Tonight my puppy saved my life.

We were heading home, Vicky had taken me to the crossing that we had used so many times before, I pressed the button and awaited the beep to say we could walk. The beep started, but she refused to move. She was in fact backing up, as if to says he wanted to go back where we had come from. So of course, I corrected her and tried to move her forward. It was in that milli-second that the truth came out.

The crossing was still beeping, yet I heard and felt the air where two rather loud, turbo charged cars whooshed right in front of me.

If she had let me cross, we could have been severely hurt if not worse.

I was so shaken that I just sat down on the path and grabbed her in a big hug. A women walking on the opposite side of the road had seen the whole thing and rushed to see that we were ok……

We were both fine, although I was a little shaken by what could have been.

Guide dogs are trained not to walk in front of cars when they have their engines on, unless on a designated crossing, but it is never the gd’s responsibility to say when it is safe to cross the road, that is always down to the owner. They are trained to stop for cars and bikes and not to cross, but as I said as her human, it is always my responsibility to say when to cross or not, because some dogs loose the ability to judge traffic if they don’t use it. Which I can say since training Vicky has only had to do it once (not bad in 4 years!)

But I couldn’t even hear these cars approaching the lights, a sound of gear changes that I have come to understand to tell when a car is slowing down, and judging by the speed in which they’d went past, they hadn’t been close by before the lights had changed.

I have heard stories of this happening before, one Guide dog was even awarded a medal for doing the very same thing for his owner on a busy street. But I couldn’t believe my luck when I discovered that my very own Vicky was capable of this and had as a result saved us both a lot of pain.

Tonight I am a very proud gd owner & will think twice before arguing with her at the crossing.

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01 May 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

Playground Whispers

When I was younger and at school myself I had my fair share of taunts in the playground, but as an adult with two children of my own I did not expect tobe subjected to such hurt yet again.

i am (or try to be) a strong women, but yesterday when taking my daughter to school it took ever ounce of courage to stand in the playground an wait until she had gone into her classroom.

As a mum with two children to get up and dressed in the morning, a dog to feed and walk before the school run, I am lucky if I get to grab a quick shower and a coffee, so I am dressed, presentable and my children are ready for the day ahead.

I have never been one to wear makeup on a daily basis, a dab of Vaseline on my lips is as good as it gets.  That is just part of who I am, it has nothing to do with my eye condition.

But apparently it has a much greater bearing on my life and my capabilities as a mum than I had ever imagined.

My inability to see the importance of wearing makeup lead to me being hurt and upset by two women who should only be described as playground bullies.

Because what I lack in sight I more than make up for in hearing.

Within my earshot they stood chatting about “my poor children” “the state my house must be in” ” no wonder my partner isn’t with me anymore” ” what must it be like to have sex, with someone like that” (me that is)

Even writing this post I find the tears welling up again.  I am me, a person, sight loss or no sight loss I have feelings and comments like this hurt, the most painful is my ability to look after my children.

I’m not a perfect parent, I don’t think such a thing exists, but I am a bloody good one.  This isn’t just my opinion, this is also the opinion of family, friends and teaching professionals that have all come into contact with me and my children.

My children are and always will be my first priority, now you see I am feeling that I need to justify myself, because of these comments.

i don’t is the simple answer.

Being a VIP means that I often do things in a different way to others and it is with this blog that I hope to explain this to others.

My reasoning for telling you about this incident is to make you aware that little off hand comments said like this can cause great upset and hurt, even questioning a persons abilities and it doesn’t stop when you finish school, it continues throughout life.

I walked home from the school grounds in tears, then spent hours questioning myself, none of which I needed to do, but I did.

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