Tag Archive for VIP

11 Dec 2013
Blind Blog

The pain of my cane

A few weeks ago my faithful Guide Dog had to temporarily hang up her harness to have a lump removed (just a ‘older age’ cyst, very routine) With her doing this, I had to dust of my long cane. I have kept up my cane skills and on occasions have used it when it has not been practical to use Vicky. However, it has been a long time since I have used it on this scale….. Even when I trained with it, my independence wasn’t what it is now, so team this a decrease in my usable sight and it has been a hard 10 days.

I managed the first few days of her being off work with doing very minimal trips out, mostly because she was very groggy from the operation, so I daren’t leave her too long at home. I then managed to time things in with when I was seeing friends who could come with me.

But there is only so many times I could do this, not to mention, wanted to do this! I was struggling with the dependancy I had on others.

So off I went alone, with only a few of the normal ‘cane jabs’ recieved from uneven paths, or missing a curb edge. These are part of ‘the norm’ any long cane user will tell you about.

On Friday, one week after her op, Vicky was delivered to a boarders, where she got to enjoy some doggy company and rest, while I went up to London to see my eye specialist and professor for a dna trial I am part of.

A trip I dislike at the best of times, but without my faithful friend I felt lost. I had a friend with me, but the concentration needed in London increases ten-fold even with a guide dog, with the cane it was horrendous. Even before I had my eyes dilated and could see even less.

Thankfully my friend drove to help ease my stress. But the concentration needed even for the much shorter walk from the car to the hospital was too much. (Thats another post though.)

By the time we left the hospital four hours later my eyes were heavily dilated and what little I usually see was much smaller and incredibly painful. At this point the cane was used purely to role infront of me and I linked in to my friend for support.

Saturday morning I headed off to collect my son from his friends house where he had been enjoying a sleep over. Hearing the bus coming up the road, I started to run, resulting in me going over the top of my cane having caught it on a drain, flying forward through the air and landing on the palms of my hands and my knee.

Ouch…… it stung, but the embarrassment was much worse, especially as it was actually the bus driver who had seen my fall and got off his bus to help me up and check me over if needed.

 

Thankfully, grazes, bruises and a damaged pride were all I suffered. I couldn’t stop, the day was getting away with me and I still had to pick up Vicky after Lawrence, so there was no time to hang about, go home or even feel sorry for myself.

It was just one of those ‘blind fails’ as I call them.

 

So on I went, enjoyed the rest of the day and soaked my wounds in a warm bath later.

Having used a long cane for some time, I am used to the odd bump. Either from me bumping into something, or a poorly laid pavement causing my cane to ‘stab’ me.

But I could not cope without it when my guide dog isn’t available. Because without either cane of dog, I could not cope on my own in the great outdoors.

I was not prepared for the bump I had on Monday on my way to college though…………

I had negotiated my local station, no problems. With the odd ankle sweep for people who thought they could nip in in front of me to cut me up. (One of the enjoyable sides of using a long cane over a guide dog!!!)

Generally as usual, people were very helpful. I was asked upon reaching the station I required, if I needed any assistance, to which I politely thanked them and said (knowing the station well) that I would be fine and headed for the stairs.

Up the stairs, across the bridge no problem, almost down the stairs on the other side when it happened.

When walking up stairs, I hold my cane upright in front of me, in the middle of my body, so that I can use it to judge the depth and height of the treat on the stair and also to be able to feel when I have reached the top step.

On the way down though, this is different. On walking down steps, having swept the ground on the initial step to find the first step down, I then hold my cane like a pencil, so that it crosses my body on a diagonal, so that the ball tip can run along each of the steps again so I can feel the depth and also feel when I reach the final step.

My cane is no more than my shoulder width while doing this, so that it is not sticking out, but enough to enable me to feel if an obstacle is in my way.

So, almost at the bottom of the staircase, I had already negotiated the 180 degree return half way down, the commuters with suitcases and bikes rushing up the stairs to get to their platforms.

When I felt someone rush past me very closely also coming down the stairs. Someone who caught the ball of my cane with their foot, causing it to move out from where it was rolling along the step edge. In the split second it took for me to recover it back to the step I had missed the bottom two steps and landed on right knee with my right hand again taking the brunt of the floor.

 

A kind women helped me up, while another bought a guard over. They were concerned and checked my hands for cuts and any sign of breaks.

I felt (yet again) very embarrassed by falling and was doing all I could not to cry or get upset in front of these strangers.

When the guard arrived, I shoe’d the helpers away. I was stood up again and just wanted to get to college and away from people.

The guard asked me how I was and what had happened, I explained that it was ‘just one of those things’ and that I was more embarrassed than anything. To which he suggested that next time I use the lift, or had assistance in the station, “after all, you are disabled and shouldn’t do these things alone.”

I think this upset me more than pain in my hands. I did all I could do, which was to thank him for his help and left the station.

 

I made it across the road before bursting into tears, I had to hear a friendly voice, so using Siri on my phone (as I always do) I called a friend….. It took a few attempts as Siri had trouble understanding a blubbering me!

My friend was fab, calmed me right down and checked that I really was ok. Even making me laugh at a silly joke.

 

By the time I got to college I was composed and ready to face the day.

I daren’t share what happened with any of my college group for fear it would set me off again.

Having managed to escape any further bruising to my knee, but having my right palm take the full brunt of it, I am now wearing a padded support on my hand and wrist to help relieve the pain that I am in and also to cushion my wrist and palm, so that I can still use my long cane and try and not put myself into a forced hibernation until my trusted guide dog is ready to return to work.

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08 Dec 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

It’s official, I am annoying !!

Last week saw me attend my 9 monthly checkup at Moorfields eye hospital.

My condition LCA is grouped in with RP, retinitis pigmentosa, as it includes many of the se characteristics like night blindness, loss of peripheral vision. With LCA – Labers Congenital Amarosa, I also suffer with myopia (severe short-sightedness) and nystagmus (involuntary eye movement that is continual)

I am now down to finger counting in both eyes, when I used to get the top line of the eye chart stood at half the distance in my rift eye.

Given that six years ago I was between the second and third line on the eye chart (depending on the letters)

I have an incredibly strong prescription lenses, which is what gives me the sight I explained above. Without any glasses it is purely light and colour I can see without holding something above the top of my nose!

Please don’t be reading this and feel sorry for me, my sight is what it is, yes it may be worse than most, but it is much better than some.

So, up at Moorfields for my nine monthly check, I have noticed many little issues in the past few months and with the puppy being off work, I was even more aware of differences from the last time I had used my cane like this.

The long and the short of it, after four hours seeing a consultant, an eye scanning team, a retinal photographer, a registra and then my Proffessor, I have an increase in my cataracts (but not enough that they would risk laser surgery with my nystagmus) I have more noticable ‘floaters’ parts of my retina that is moving around in the eye jelly, a deteriation of my peripheral.

I can no longer do the peripheral eye test where you stick your head in a white bowl like test machine, stare at the red dot in the middle and press the button when you see a green dot.

Now they use the images they get from the scans and photo’s to tell me about my percentages. I have a difference of 21% from eighteen months ago, which sounds significant, but when I have less than 10% periferal it is even more…. I am not a mathamatitain, but even I can work out that that is a lot.

The cataracts are causing everything to feel as if it is either darker than it used to be or is unbearably bright when I have been in a darker environment.

So, the main reason I go to Moorfields is because I am part of DNA study to help with genetics for RP and LCA. So far they have found and researched 14 different genes…… And then there is me!

I told the registra that I liked to be different, he said I wasn’t different I was annoying. He actually called me annoying.

But then the Prof came in to see me, telling me of another study that I could be part of, very simple blood sample is all they need. He reminded me that my condition was definately not ticking any of the right boxes at the moment and making his and the research teams work ever harder. But that at the same time, he still found my scans and photographs magical.

So, I am offically annoying.

And that is exactly what is now written in my hospital notes too !!!

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08 Nov 2013
About Me • Days Out

Fireworks

This week saw me with my family go and watch a firework display with my daughters Cub group, after navigating in the dark from the car to the camp site where the bonfire was crackling away.

We sat around enjoying campfire songs, I was mesmerised by the flames, watching the little flecks fly off into the night sky, thinking how this looks to others, do they see the flames as I do?

This was when I began to think about what a firework
Actually looked like when it went off
In the sky?

For me it is just a burst of colour, but I wondered if ‘sighted people’ saw individual flecks or different colours?

So after the camp songs & warming up by the fire we walked up to where the fireworks were being set off from & I divided that I would film some of the fireworks on my phone so I could see it as others.

This was what I filmed

trim.7E8F77EA-0B71-4C7D-84F7-FABCEE0497A4

The film shows almost perfectly what a saw from the embers that were coming off of the fire, little fuzzy balls like those I spoke of in an earlier post (looking through raindrops)

Looking at the practicalities of using an iPhone to film fireworks that are roughly 100 feet in the air won’t give you the clearest image, but actually the ‘poor film quality’
Allows me to explain more to you about how I actually do see.

Maybe you can have more of an understanding as to why I was mesmerised by the little embers flying off the fire rather than the fire itself.

This has given me the chance to let you literally ‘seemyway’

I hope you enjoy?

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04 Nov 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

Learning to forget to look…., Not ready for that yet!

Although I am registered as ‘blind’ I do have some sight, all be it distance vision that doesn’t even get me the top line on the eye chart and central vision with a peripheral of less than 10%, a figure that has recently reduced by 17%…. Feel free to do the math on that! To me it means just one thing

“my remaining sight is deteriating and quicker that I really would like”

Making the most of my remaining sight is key, and by actually using my eyes I am causing no harm, nor am I strengthening them. The deterioration of my retina is uncontrolled and unmapped.

So, by now you may feel confused by the title of this latest blog, well let me explain. As my sight has deteriorated, my eye’s and the period for which I can use them to concentrate on anything has reduced dramatically. In theory anyway, I say this, because I can still spend hours watching a really good film, of which without the aid of audio descript I miss a large percentage of it.

But for this I suffer.

As my eyes tire from the concentration, they in fact become dry, and difficult to close without seeing vivid flashing images on my eyelids.

As I said above, having missed a large percentage of a film, I now rely fully on Audio Descript and do not strain or even try to see what is actually happening on the screen. This has given me back my love of the cinema in recent months, so that is a bonus!

But there is one part of my life that I can’t stop over concentrating on and overworking my eyes, that is my phone, my laptop and my iPad. All of which have fabulous built in accessible software, after all Steve Jobs insisted that technology was assessable to all, not as an after thought, but as part of its design, hence why all my tech is Apple…. That and the fact that originally my training before my sight loss was in Design and if it was design, it HAD TO BE Apple.

Anywho, I digress. I have dragon and Siri that enable me to speak to my tech for it to then type my words. I have magnification, I even have voice over. And yes for you techno-phobes, it even works on touch screen. Even more so since the IOS 7 update!

But the thing is….

I have SOME vision and I can’t help but use it.

I can touch type and thankfully have been able to do this from a very young age (I think I was about 8) so I don’t have to look at the keyboard or technically the screen either, but I do like to proof read what I have written, especially when it comes to emails, letters and more recently college assignments.

It is a college assignment that has in fact lead me to write about this. You see, it is currently 4.15am on a Monday morning, having been working on my latest assignment that is due in at 9am THIS MORNING. I am now not able to sleep, even though it would be a really good idea if I could as I have a 4 hour lecture and a gym class later today too!

The question you are probably asking right now as you read that last paragraph, is what the….? Yes, I did leave this assignment a little later than others, but actually that isn’t the reason why I am up so late with it.

The REAL reason I was working on it so late, was because of my wish to see what I am doing and the light levels. You see even with the daylight lamp on, if it is too dark in the rest of the room, I struggle greatly to focus on all of my work, as the light level varies from that under the lamp to the rest of the room.

With the darker evenings (which in fact cause the darker days) I am able to sit down with a suitable light that illuminates the whole room at about 6pm.

This is slap bang in the middle of feeding time at my zoo, then comes baths, books and cuddles before bed for my 2 little monsters. So that 6pm soon becomes 8pm and I’m sure you can see where I am going from here?

I have tried and tested myself with this, so that I can understand what I can do without suffering and what I can’t achieve without the suffering.

The short answer is not much.

Once I hit 2.5 – 3 hours thats it, I can look at spending at least that again letting my eyes settle down. The good news is that if I extend that to 5 hours, that doesn’t increase the ‘down time’ that I need.

So, to save my sanity, especially in the winter months I need to start to stop looking.

But its hard, emotionally more than anything….. The reason is because, one day I wont ACTUALLY be able to see it, so while I can why shouldn’t I?

If your sight were or if your sight is deteriating would you want to stop seeing all the things you can see now knowing that in the future you will have no choice but not to see them?

This is a tricky argument that I have had with a few people, you see the one point I struggle with is that apart from the lack of sleep, I am not causing myself any harm, I am certainly not causing my eye’s damage.

This I have checked, double checked and yes, you got it TRIPLE CHECKED!!

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03 Nov 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

Blind Dating

I have explained before that I have a wicked sense of humour….. This blog post shows this off perfectly.

Sitting yesterday with a friend having a much needed catch-up over a leisurely Sunday brunch at a popular Italian American restaurant, the following occurred.

As usual, my trusted guide dog was laid on my feet under the table waiting for any food to drop. Me and my friend had been talking about how life had been for me since seperating from my long term partner earlier in the year. She knew that I had struggled with others opinions about being a single parent, she also knew that I had taken the decision to end the relationship and that it had been a happy decision for me.

This led us to talking about dating and how after having been in a relationship for so long you would even start going about this. At this point, a couple were seated in the booth behind us. I remember this point as the woman in the couple was sneezing continually, so I passed a packet of ultra-balm pocket tissues behind me to her partner.

Me and my friend continued talking about dating, she commented on how I could try internet dating or speed dating. This tickled me, so I made a joke of how she was fundamentally suggesting that I went on a ‘blind date’ as I went on to say, my days of catching someones eye across a crowded pub were behind me, I would be lucky to even catch the eye of someone stood right beside me. The irony of ‘blind dating’ continued and she by this point was looking on her phone and discovered that there were dating sites just for disabled people. I made a joke of how a guide dog had a great pulling power, but how to train them to seak out single guys for blind people would take real indepth training…..

 

At this point I was aware of uncomfortable mummbles from the couple in the booth behind us. Me and my friend continued to speak about how a blind person would go about dating, when the ‘gentleman’ in the booth behind me turned around and commented, (these words have stayed with me….

“You really are being quite rude and insensitive, talking about poor blind people who can’t possible have as enjoyable and free life as you ((me))”

To which I was shocked, so I said all I could which was, “I beg your pardon?”

“Well, you two are sat her enjoying a nice leisurely breakfast, probably off to do some shopping laughing about those less fortunate than you who have a horrible disability and can’t even think of coming out for treats like this. Whilst you both sit here poking fun at them for not being able to date, you both have such freedom, people like you make me sick.”

At this point my blood was boiling and I’m sure my friend could sense this too, as she reached across the table and asked me if I wanted to leave, which no I did not.

I was not going to be accused of being insensitive, rude and worst of all being called a ‘poor blind person’.

 

I kept my cool (dog knows how!) and out came the sarcasm……

 

“I’m sorry sir if my ‘private’ conversation with my friend has upset and sickened you, I am so very sorry that you feel that ‘poor blind people’ don’t have such freedoms as to go out for a long breakfast or enjoy shopping. I am so very sorry that you feel that I was insulting those with horrible disabilities. I was in fact talking about myself and how ‘ironic’ it was to use the word ‘blind date’ you see because for me now that is what it would be, I am sorry for that.”

At this point he stood up and called over the waitress, he said “I can’t believe the nerve of you ((me)) now pretending to be blind, while you clearly aren’t to justify and make excuses for your terrible behaviour, I wish to be moved. (Directed at the waitress)”

I was close to tears at the point and the waitress was about to speak, the very same waitress that had seated me and my friend and made a fuss of Vicky before she had curled up under the table.

I myself now stood up and turned to the gentleman, a term I use very loosely as he was about the same age as me, and definite not gentle!

“It’s ok, no need for you to move, we were just finishing up and off to enjoy some carefree shopping, I will even go to the till to settle up my bill as to not upset you a moment further, if you would just be so kind as to give me a minute to get my guide dog in her harness?”

He sniggered at this, but he soon stopped when I woke up a sleeping Vicky and got her out from under the table….

In fact his face was so red with embarrassment, even I could see it!

 

I finished putting her harness on and walked toward the till. My friend was talking behind me to the man and his girlfriend, but At this point I just wanted to leave.

She came and joined me a moment later to tell me that on the girlfriends insistence her boyfriend would be paying our bill for us, he hadn’t spoken another word apparently, just stood there shocked and embarrassed.

My friend said that she had explained that I was clearly upset by his insults and assumptions of ‘poor blind people’ and that it was incredibly rude to earwig on others conversations.

His girlfriend was very apologetic, but still he said nothing.

As we left the restaurant, my friend said she could see through the window that his girlfriend was clearly shouting at him.

To be honest I didn’t care…. I was using every muscle in my body to stop me from breaking down in tears, I was so shaken by it that we didn’t go shopping, without a word spoken, we got in her car and we went straight to the nearest pub for a large whiskey (for me anyway)

We had been having such an enjoyable time and only a true friend would laugh with me while we spoke of blind dates and meeting someone new. She knew instantly that I had been upset by those cruel words, but that I wouldn’t scream and shout, but calmly and with sarcasm allow that horrid man to be left thinking about what he had said and done.

I am not a ‘poor blind person’ with a ‘horrible disability’, I am me Tee, with a visual impairment…. I have plenty of freedom to go shopping and enjoy long breakfasts with friends, I am also privileged to have such wonderful friends that won’t talk over me, but know me well enough to know that I am fully capable of speaking my own mind. Also just like on that day, also know when I need a stiff drink and a huge hug.

 

And to answer the question you may be thinking by now…. No, I haven’t and nor will I be signing up to an iNternet dating of any kind !!!

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31 Oct 2013
Blind Blog • Challenges

My personal journey that was the Great South Run

Having said I would update you on the training and how I was getting on, I let the side down. This wasn’t that the training wasn’t happening, it was just that life got in the way of me writing my blog.

So Sunday 27th came and so did the severe weather warnings!

I have to admit that throughout the training it was the rain I was worried about, not the wind. A very foolish misconception, after all the last 2 Miles of the race where along the sea front at Southsea, with no shelter. And as you will be aware if you have been anywhere near the great outdoors on that day, it was windy…. Very windy.

After an issue with my guide runner, the dog costume for the guide runner and everything coming together at the 11th hour I didn’t have the chance to be nervous about anything other than being able to finish the race.

My original guide runner was too tall for me, making him too fast in stride even at his walk pace. So, thankfully I was able to twist the arm of a friend, to join me. As a former partner, he is aware of my eye condition and my preferred way of being guided and having things explained to me. He also had a good understanding of what it meant to me to be doing such a challenge. Although I don’t think he had a full appreciation for what doing a 10 mile flat open air course would be like with a giant dog suit on!

The dog suit was another issue, the events team at guide dogs was arranging for me to have one of their costumes as the one that I had used from my local Southampton mobility team was already being used by someone else. With just 10 days to go before the race it arrived, a dog costume that looked nothing like the fat little puppy I had borrowed from Southampton, it was a very sad looking dog, with several sewing issues.

So, I went back to Southampton and asked for their help, the fundraising team were fab, they tracked me down a puppy costume that was in good condition, although missing its hand gloves, they arranged for it to be driven down from its home in Leamington and it arrived on the Thursday before the race.

It was a fat chocolate lab puppy costume, that with a guide dog race vest on looked the part. My guide would be able to play the role of being my dog after all.

top dog

top dog

So, it was all in place and race day came. On recommendation and for ease we travelled over to Portsmouth on the Gosport Ferry, and then walked the 2 miles to the charity village for a warm up before starting in the ‘green’ heat at 11.05.

It was only once arriving on site and getting the puppy ready, putting my own cane away that the emotion of the day hit.

And oh yes, it hit…. I was in an absolute panic. Not about running the race, not about even completing the race. No, it was something that unless you have trouble with large groups or very little vision will be hard for me to explain in a way that is easily understood.

The volume of people, more that 2500 of them were also taking part, yes we were ranked in different colours depending on ability, the green rank that I was in was the busiest and saved for the casual runners, walkers and those who had never done such an event before.

I was attached by an elastic strap on my wrist to the puppies wrist and when we had trained I had done so to hold his arm between his elbow and wrist. We had trained to work at a good pace together, none of this was of concern, this I had prepared for, trained for and had control over. All the other runners though, well they were a completely different story, over them I had no control, no understanding and nor did they of me.

In such a vast crowd no-one realised that I had a visual impairment or that the dog was my guide, not just a guy dressed up for the fun of it.

So we warmed up together, moved up to the start line together and then it all started, no more time for panic, no more time to think, just time to put my complete and utter faith in my dog.

But in a way that I had never put my faith in Vicky before, I couldn’t not do it now, there were several hundred people behind us, to the sides of us and in front of us and there we were, 2 people with no where to go but forward.

My senses were on ultra high, I could sense all of the people around us, especially those behind us, but I couldn’t judge their speed or distance and with a giant puppy head, vocal commands from my guide were non existant, instead it was all done through feel, touch and gentle gestures…. That we hadn’t practiced or used before. Where he went, I did, I gave up on trying to look forward, the movement of me and others was too hard to focus on, so I put my head down and watched his giant brown puppy paws instead and followed their rhythm.

We had trained together, to run together, but like I said, nothing prepared me for this. I felt like I was a failure, another thing that I couldn’t do, but then there were the people cheering and David attached to me and I WAS DOING IT, even if I had had to walk the whole course, I would have still have done it.

The race really knocked me down, yes I should of trained more, then maybe I wouldn’t have hurt so much after, but no amount of physical fitness prepared me for the emotion and the me part of the day.

I am struggling to explain this, but it was a very large marker for me, on how I do see things differently and how I feel about them. I have never and will not shy away from doing things like this again, in fact I am already thinking of next years challenge. Which not be a running event that is for sure!

I suppose that the reality that I was only able to do such an event by being with another person, not being able to just jog through the crowds and run my own race, I had to do it with a guide. A guide who was very happy to help and happy to go with my pace without complaint. But nether the less, a guide.

The great south run for me was another realisation that I can’t just get up and do things by myself, I am different and in this instance that has caused me upset.

Its been one of the highest moments for me to say YES I DID IT, but a low also to think that I wouldn’t be able to do it alone.

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17 Oct 2013
Blind Blog

Getting a handle on things

As I have mentioned before, my guide dog has given me so much freedom and Independence, more than I feel I would have if I had continued to use my cane on a daily basis.

Vicky, however has decided that she is getting tired of her role as my guide dog and in recent months has slowed her pace considerably, to the point sometimes that I feel like we are standing still… She has had several health issues and in the past two years having suffered with a growth on her tonsil she has been receiving daily medication in the form of an inhaler. This has enabled her to breath easier. She is happy working and has been assessed several times as I would not wish to work her if she were not happy.

She is still very happy to work, her tail is testament to that, it is just that it is at a slower pace, a pace that is too slow for me.

Having celebrated her Eight birthday, thats Fifty Six in dog years!

The decision was taken last week to retire her from service, when a suitable replacement has been found or she decides she is no longer happy to work, which ever comes first.

This decision has been one that has been at the back of my mind for a little while now, so was not as a complete shock. But as she is such an amazing part of me and my family it is still one that fills me with upset.

I had commented before that when Vicky was to retire I would go on to work with a new dog, which I am still going to do. But I was not prepared for what happened next at the guide dog assessors visit last week!

To be matched with the ‘right dog’ it is important that the guide dog team know as much about your lifestyle as possible. This includes your usual day, places you visit, hobbies, interests, other family members, other pets, etc etc.

I had thought about this bit, I had even written a list, a list that is four times longer than the list I had when applying for Vicky, a list that impressed the assessor as it gave her a very detailed account of my life and what I would need from a dog.

This was all good….. Then E, my assessor invited me to do a ‘handle walk’ This is where she would hold the harness and work with me as if she were the dog.

This is a way of her understanding and judging my pace, stride length and most importantly control and balance, which are key for matching me with the right dog.

So off we went for a walk down my street, where all my neighbours know me and just in time for the mums at the pre-school to be walking past on their way for lunch pick ups.

I vaguely remember the handle walk from when I applied for Vicky, but this time it felt completely different, because I knew what I was doing, well….. In theory that is!

So, off we went. E told me that she was sniffing and I was to correct her, this is the same with a dog, (although with the dog on the harness you can feel them putting their head down to sniff, Vicky doesn’t actually talk to me) It is a vocal correction, where tone is key, if this doesn’t work then it is a correction using the harness, not to hurt the dog, but to stop them. This must be carried out with the correct verbal warning, where timing is crucial. Followed by immediate praise when the dog responds, which again is a different tone.

Then came the praise. Me walking along the street with a grown woman holding the front end of a harness, while I held the harness, telling her she was a ‘good girl’ as one of my daughters dinner ladies walked passed.

Another part of the test was my instructions. E had to find the crossing having been targeted to it, I then had to praise her with a soft yet exciting warm tone (thankfully she was happy for me to forgo the ear rub that they encourage in a new partnership!)

It was back to basics, time to put in place all of the commands that I use daily with Vicky, foot positions that have become second nature, so much so that when E asked me to stand in the ‘starting off position’ I FROZE. I couldn’t remember what this was or how I did it. E understood my hesitation and reassured me that I had used the correct position when we had taken Vicky on her walk earlier. But with E stood beside me I couldn’t remember it. Thankfully she came to my rescue and reminded me of what to do, a simple foot position that sets you off to walk forward or turn left or right in a fluid motion with the dog.

A motion that had become so fluid in fact that when I had to think about it, I couldn’t do it.

We worked on my preferred pace, my pace with the children and my ability to follow. This assessment was the same as the one I had had to complete when I first applied for a guide dog, because having had one dog did not automatically qualify me for another.

I have been assessed as fit to work with a new dog, awaiting medical conformation, which is standard practice. When received I will be put on the waiting list for my next dog.

This is a scary, yet exciting prospect. But one that will only help strengthen me for my future.

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11 Oct 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

Looking towards the future

Part of me as a person, is someone who works and earns my own money. Being on benefits for me is a failure of my ability to do this.

I am currently in a position that I am reliant on the help that they offer. I am home looking after my two children, now on my own after my relationship broke down earlier this year.

But I want to do more……

It is not that I do not love being at home, or that I don’t love my children, but I need more. I have a strong work ethic and I want to be able to support my children more and allow them to have nicer things.

My career before my sight started to deteriorate was in design, a career that yes I could have continued with with the correct support, but one that I felt that my heart had fallen out of.

I have also worked within administration and with charities that deal with sight loss. But although I ave an eye condition and I enjoy the volunteer roles that I have with Open Sight and Guide dogs, my sight is just part of me.

So time to look to the future and to see what I can do for my next career.

Last year I started this ball rolling by doing a taster course in counselling. I fell in love with it as a subject and as a possible career move. And despite my initial concerns my sight loss has no affect on me being able to support others. It just means that I need to do things in a slightly different way.

This year I have been working towards my ABC certificate in counselling. Class makes up just 4 hours with 8 hours at home, however for me this is more like 12.

Studying and all that comes with it has been a learning curve in more ways that just the subject! I have learnt a lot about how and when I can use my eye’s and sight to get the most out of them, without creating negativities for myself.

An example of this, is using the computer. As I have said before, I am a Mac user and as such, have a MacBook Pro and iPad. Both of which offer fabulous accessibility as standard. (maybe thats another blog in the making!) But when I can use my Macs is becoming limited.

If I want to be able to close my eyes and wind them down to sleep, I must not be using them after 9pm in the evening. Even with the speech software, I still try to use my remaining sight, its a natural reflex. If I have reading to do, this must be done even earlier in the evening or preferably during the day.

So, study is nothing like the all-night, stopping only to use the loo sessions that I had when at university just 10 years ago. Which is a real marker for me of the deterioration that has occurred.

So, my work is done with an hour here, an hour there and also a stopwatch. Because as with most people when I am deep into something, time can run away with me and with my eye’s I do not feel the affects immediately, but it is often a few hours after.

But this has not put me off.

Just this week, went in the application for the DipHe in Counselling. Its a whole day at Eastleigh with 2 1/2 days of home study. The ‘perk’ of this course is that I can apply for assistance in the form of a scribe for the time in college. I can also apply for a grant to help me to upgrade my Mac, to a larger screen as my existing mac is becoming a struggle. Its not going to be easy. This I am in no doubt about, but this is where I want to be.

So, as I can no longer do late night studying, I will have to give VERY early mornings a trial instead.

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05 Oct 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

Life

It happens around us, it creeps up around you and before you and before you know it, lots has happened and you haven’t written a single part of it down.

So here I am, writing it down.

Bear with me, there is training for the great south run to catch up on, a new gym experience, my guide dog, gained independence, the fun of benefits and me finding out about me. So over the next few days there will be a fair few updates, some will be archived depending I when they occurred, so have a good look around.

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17 Sep 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

My guide dog & me

As a guide dog user my guide dog is an extension of me and my Independence. This wasn’t a concept that I truly understood until we had worked together for several years.
When I applied for my first guide dog back in 2009, I knew that it would make a difference to my life, but to what extent I was not aware. There have been both good sides and low sides to having a guide dog. The biggest thing for me of having a guide dog is the emotional, love and soppy side that officially guide dogs don’t tell you about. When applying for a dog and training you are told all about how important the bond within the partnership is, for that reason it is key to have a period of bonding with no interruptions from anyone else before the training starts.

For me, both my daughter and my partner went away for the weekend, Vicky arrived on the Friday afternoon and we spent the weekend together, just playing and spending time in the garden. I groomed her, tickled her tummy and fell in love with her.

I was very nervous about starting our training and if I would be able to do it, but she seemed to sense this and just kept on nuzzling me as if to say “it’s going to be ok”. The very same way she still does now when I am down or upset. Without this connection I do not feel that we would have the working relationship and connection that we do today.

She has enabled me walk with my head held high and regain my posture that had slowly been being lost as I had began to look at my feet so much to watch my step, rather than my surroundings and where I am.

There was a very steep learning curve with Vicky, I made mistakes, we made mistakes together and we gained a wonderful trust for each other, that only strengthened our working bond.

A working bond that appears to be coming to an end.

It is with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I write this blog, my sight is slowly deteriorating, but with Vicky by my side my independence is at its highest, allowing me to improve my health and my fitness. But at a time when she is slowing down and asking not to work so hard or so much.

Vicky has had her own health issues during our time together, for which she has an inhaler to help to open her airways to increase her breathing, which she has responded well to. But, with her Eighth birthday approaching next week she has been hinting that it is time to hang up the harness.

She is well, she is very happy and will allow me to put the harness on and work, but she is also holding back, she has reverted to working in a way that we did at the beginning.

She is wishing to walk me close to walls, shop fronts and buildings, which with it brings an unsettled and troublesome result. Walking and working in this way means that the walk is a start-stop, we have to continually walk back out to walk around obstacles like a-frames, bins, posts and even people.

Initially we had trained this way, but as both our confidences grew, we moved more into the middle of the path, for Vicky to revert back to this shows a sign of unhappiness and possible stress or lack of confidence in what she is doing.

So, with great discussions with her and my guide dog mobility team we have taken the step to look at her retirement and me moving on to work with another dog.

I will take the time over the next few weeks and months to open up more about this, but for now, before my heartbreak over takes me I will end this post here.

Thank you for reading. Please feel free to ask questions xx

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