Nobody knew that when Fizz retired in November 2021 that I would be without a guide dog for so long. However, at the end of April I got to meet a very handsome young man.
He is a full golden retriever and all being well, he will be my third guide dog.
His name ins Ben and he was not even born when Fizz retired. He is a very clever pup and as such is only just 18 months old.
We are off on class in early June.
watch this space for many ‘snap shot blogs’ of our training and new chapter together.
There are very few instances where I would say my long cane is better than my living, breathing, thinking guide dog; however puddles would most certainly be on the list.
Why you may be asking? Well, it comes down to feedback.
Despite being a Labrador-Retriever Cross, my guide dog Fizz DID NOT like walking in puddles when she is in harness. Which you may think is brilliant for me, however that isn’t the case; as she has no issue with walking me through the puddle as long as she can keep her own paws dry.
So generally the first I know there is a puddle is when I find myself walking in it. The only time I get a heads up that it may be there is because Fizz will walk be either to the left or right of the path so she doesn’t have to walk in it.
This is where a cane is very different. And it can actually give me additional information too on how deep the puddle may be, or how much of the path it covers.
How? I hear you ask….
As a long cane works by sweeping the ground before you, roughly by one and a half steps ahead of me based on the sweeping motion, it can give not just feedback on the objects that may be in the in my path, but the texture and changes of the ground itself.
And when that comes to water, the sound and feel of the sweep is altered.
A shallow covering of water gives very little resistances; yet a deep puddle is like moving a spoon through thick custard.
And as I sweep wirh my cane around a puddle the sound also helps to give feedback on the depth; so that I can try and walk through the shallower parts or even avoid the puddle all together.
After filming with guide dogs about my eye condition project in 2021; which sadly didn’t go anywhere as such.
I was invited to help them further with this and become a cartoon.
The above video is the final edit and published on Guide Dogs Uk.
And here is the accessible audio described version for my readers who are visually impaired.
Recently Open Sight hosted an afternoon tea in my town. This saw many people visiting from outside the area. I was asked to help give directions for those coming in on both the train and the bus; because they are at opposite ends of town in relation to the venue.
Fareham has a funny one-way system that was put in place to elongate the traffic entering the town.
It was when explaining this to the visitors that I realise I know a little too much about light controlled crossings, which I just assumed was ‘common knowledge’ to all.
So, thought it was time I shared some of my geeky knowledge with the rest of you
Firstly, many people assume that the button controls for pedestrian lights are always on the right hand side; that’s not actually the case. The button control is always on the side of the oncoming traffic; it is just that on an ordinary road this places it on the right hand side. However, when you are on a one-way street the button control may well be on the left to indicate the direction of traffic.
In Hampshire (thanks to Hampshire highways only using Siemens traffic lights) all button controlled lights also have a cone under the yellow box; this cone spins when the green man comes on to indicate it is safe for visually impaired and blind people to cross.
Not all button controlled traffic lights have a beep; this isn’t because the sound is broken rather it is another tactic to support those who are visually impaired or even hard of hearing. If there are multiple sets of button controlled lights close to each other then the sound will be removed from them all. Especially if different lights run on different sequences. This is to make it safer for pedestrians; to save someone stepping out in front of moving traffic because they mishear the beep from a near by button controlled crossing.
So, here it is just some of the more interesting parts of my ‘geek knowledge’ when it comes to traffic lights and pedestrian crossings.
And don’t even ask me to start to explain the different types and styles of tactile paving !!!
It’s been six months now since the whirlwind that was my second guide dog Fizz retired. She is living her best life, enjoying her retirement and even living with another black lab who is also retired; but much younger than her called Ashby. So you could even say she has found herself a toy boy!
I have been missing her terribly in all honesty.
Not just as my guide dog, but as my companion.
The house seems too quiet when the kids aren’t home.
However a friends suggestion of a weighted blanket on my bed has certainly helped. Especially because in the last few years I had allowed Fizz to slip into the habit of sleeping on my bed. The extra weight on the covers really does help.
I could have used the excuse of reverting back to ‘Candy’ (my cane has red stripes to symbolise that I am deaf blind, thus picking up the nick-name candy the cane) as a way to shut off the outside world and limit (or restrict) my independence. Especially over the winter months when the darkness was greater.
But I didn’t …
I set myself the challenge of walking each day, some days this has been the 4 mile round trip to grab a coffee from Nero. (Other coffee houses are available)
When I am on a route I know well and is fairly quiet; like the route to town. I can feel quite free, quite confident and faster in my walking pace.
However, as I approach the shops, the busier areas and the unpredictability of people I can feel quite weak. I liken it to feeling like a small child. And I get even smaller when I come across the unexpected; such as building works, market stalls or additional outside seating for cafes etc.
However, I am stubborn. I refuse to let this weaken me. I just wished that my cane had sort of robotic system in it that I could say “let’s go to the bank” and it would navigate me there avoiding all the obstacles?
Oh wait … That’s a guide dog!
What I really REALLY really need is for “That Call” to say a possible match has been found.
I am (one of) the highest priories on the Guide Dog waiting list. However, as I have explained before. They look to match the personality and lifestyle of the person to the personality and workability of the dog. Along with looking at other things such as walking speed, the persons height and workload for the dog. Which all means that there may still be some time to wait for a dog that matches my needs.
So, for now it’s back ti my love-hate relationship with Candy and asking friends for a little more support.
And trying not to cause any more bruises from the regular stomach jabs or arm jars in the process.
Loosing control is just two words, saying them is the easy part; actually allowing myself to do them is a whole other story.
Control can mean many things to many people; for me control it is organising, planning and reducing the opportunity for me to feel ‘out of control’ in a situation, because when it comes to my sight and hearing loss I don’t have any control.
It is why I have been known to walk a virtual route of a new area with the help of Google Maps and Google Streetview. It is also how I can appear confident and independent; When actually most of the time I am neither, I am just simply prepared.
And for the most part, this tactic works.
Then……. Then I do something I never expected to feel out of control with and so ensued a moment of vulnerability. (Or rather a good 10 minutes) and I find myself overrun by emotion.
What was I doing? I hear you ask.
I was out for a bike ride on my tandem, something I have done many times before, in an area that I know incredibly well. Which maybe is why it hit me so hard.
We were on a cycle path, not the main road, yet as we approached a set of traffic lights the turn felt wrong, so I tried to stop it, which anyone who has ever been on the back of a tandem will tell you is damn near impossible!
So we wobbled, my feet came off of the pedals as did my pilots and although we didn’t come off the bike completely it could easily be classed as a ‘Near Miss’
Hence my upset and emotion.
Thankfully my pilot knows me well and in the middle of this simply said:
You’re in control of what you get to enjoy and feel relaxed about. You control the route we take, I’ll help with the rest.
We do all this as a team. I’ll brake, change gears and steer, I’ll keep us safe.
The worst part of it for me was that because I had panicked, because I had lost control, my pilot could have got hurt and when I said this mid snotty-sob he simply replied:
But I didn’t…. WE had it covered.
Which made me realise that as a team…. We did.
Because of my lack of sight and hearing, it only goes to follow that my balance and perspective is greatly altered. It was this that had sent me into my moment of panic. And from that point on, on the ride I simply listen to my pilot, pedalled harder on the up-hill and let the bike coast on the down-hill. All while trying to enjoy the view.
And now, back with both feet firmly on the ground I can reflect. And realise that this was an inevitable, because I needed to accept that being on a tandem IS a team effort, No matter how good my sight, even I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own. So rather than look at it as a ‘byproduct’ of my disability it is time for me to rethink cycling. Cycling is something I CAN do; I just CHOOSE to do it a part of a team.
After all, the benefit of being on a tandem is that you are only 50% responsible for getting up those steep hills!
Love it or hate it; one thing that we have all learnt during the pandemic is how to use the video conferencing app Zoom.
From conferences and Pub quizzes to Weddings, Zoom has enabled us to connect even when physically we can’t.
For me, with my visual impairment it was an incredibly steep learning curve to understand how to use it to its full potential.
I have hosted many a meeting with friends, colleagues and even the cub scouts who are all unable to meet face to face at this time.
When ‘Share screen’ goes on my own camera goes off. Then I can sit with my nose up close to actually see the content.
For conferences it has enabled me to join in when if I was at an event in person I may struggle due to the amount of people, the noise level and even at times the flashing lights. This all disappears on Zoom.
For other meetings it has enabled me to be in the comfort of my own home, rather than making a lengthy journey across the country, which in turn has enabled many more people to join the meeting who may have been restricted before due to location or time.
And as I said above, just Last weekend, I had the privilege of watching two wonderful friends celebrate and marrying each other; After the original ceremony was postponed at the very beginning of the pandemic.
Even though it was via zoom I dressed for the occasion, following the guidance that the couple had previously shared as their ceremony took place in a Mosque.
But why did I like this via zoom so much? I hear you ask.
The answers are very simple.
Because I was actually able to SEE my friends as they spoke. It was set up so that each of those within the Mosque that read out, sung or spoke were on a different camera to the couple.
Again it enabled me to momentarily turn off my own camera so that I could look closely at the happy couple and see the beautiful decorations that were set out before them and also the beautiful outfits they were wearing.
As this ceremony took place in a Mosque, had we been able to meet in person then this is where we would have continued the celebrations with food afterwards. Obviously there is no way to convey this via a video conferencing app, however it did mean that I was able to see up close as the happy couple cut into their amazing wedding cake.
Yes, I would have much rather have been able to be there with them in person to celebrate. To hug them both. However, for me because of my sight and hearing issues I feel that I was actually able to enjoy their special day more, because of the closeness of the camera to them, because of the way it was set up that when someone else spoke it flicked over to their camera. (Were I there in person I would have no way to see who was talking)
Via zoom for me, there is also no worry of the travel, the hotel arrangements, the concerns over coping without my guide dog, among other anxieties.
And more importantly it meant that two of my wonderful friends were able to join together and start this new chapter of their lives; as a partnership.
There will come a time when we can meet together, gather and celebrate. And that is most certainly a day I am looking forward to, sadly though I feel we are a long way off such at time at the moment.
I had used zoom prior to the pandemic, but only for meetings and the odd training.
Yet now, it is an integral part of my life and for me personally it helps me to overcome some of the issues that could hold me back because of my sight and hearing loss.
So, just as I love marmite I think I can honestly say, I am a big fan of Zoom. I know it isn’t for everyone, my own son for example absolutely hates it. But then he isn’t a fan or Marmite either !
Lockdown has not been easy for me from a mental health point of view. As someone who holds multiply volunteer roles I work better when my schedule is full.
They say
If you want something done, ask a busy person.
And for me that is most definitely the case. When I have all the time in the world to do something it never gets done. To the point that my diary schedule now also includes specific days and times for mundane housework.
I also need to find something to get me working out, gaining strength and becoming fitter; rather than just sitting in front of Netflix’s.
Along came a Facebook advert for a virtual challenge called ‘Race At Your Pace.’ Ever skeptical about just adverts I asked a few friends and they confirmed it was a genuine company and that actually many of them were doing a running challenge with them.
Social distancing for me with a visual impairment means that I am unable to run or cycle; given that I need either a guide runner to run with me or a pilot to ride my tandem.
Which left me with walking.
Not a problem, as I needed to exercise my guide dog Fizz, and this was a mix between ‘working walks’ for her in harness and ‘sniffy walks’ where she was on a longer lead and able to just be a dog, sniffing at each post to catch up on all the ‘Pee-Mails’
So, April’s challenge was set, I set myself the target of 50 miles of walking workouts. Which I new was a MASSIVE challenge for me, however with both indoor walks and outdoor walks counting I felt it was achievable.
Oh how wrong was I?
In April I did walk 50 miles, however it saw me going right up to the last minute with a 4 mile walk on the 30th April. Having always measured my distance in Kilometres, it was a bit of a shock to the system to measure in Miles.
However when this beauty arrived in the post I felt proud that I had achieved it.
And having gone right to the wire for April I knew I needed to work harder. So not only did I re-enter for May, but upped the distance…. This time 65miles.
A target that I not only reached on the 29th May with 2 days to spare but I discovered that I had smashed through it as only looking a ‘walking workouts’ on my Apple Watch did not include the 6+miles I had recorded as ‘Hikes’.
So yes, you have probably guessed by now, I am going again in June, I am again increasing my distance…. increasing to 75 miles.
But why?
I hear you ask, we’ll Lockdown has been a time of planning, and for now let’s just say when the world reopens I will be walking much much further than 50, or 65 , or even 75 miles……
