Archive for Blind Blog

What does sound sound like?

Tomorrow I have my NHS hearing aid fitting appointment.  My hearing aid assessment was very quick and limited; unlike the hearing assessment I had done privately.  My NHS assessment didn’t test how I hear (or rather struggle to hear) certain voice tones or in areas where the background noise was high.

I guess this has led me to feel that I may not gain the full potential from my hearing aids, and also because I am only having one for my right ear. And nothing for my left!

I am fortunate that as I am registered blind, I do receive a second right ear hearing aid.  This is so that should I drop one, or (as suggested by the audiologist) my guide dog EATS one.  I am not left isolated while a replacement is sort.

The NHS Choices website states;

Hearing aids are designed to help you hear everyday sounds such as the doorbell and telephone, and improve your ability to hear speech. They should make you feel more confident when talking to people and make it much easier for you to follow conversations in different environments. They might also help you to enjoy listening to music and the TV again, at a volume that’s comfortable for those around you.

I guess I find it hard to feel confident.  For as long as I remember I have worn glasses and it was actually a feeling of loss that I felt when I was told I didn’t actually need to wear them on a day to day basis, when I changed my prescription for reading glasses.  I tend to just wear them out of habit and the ability to hide behind them.

How will I feel wearing a hearing aid?

 

Envious of the mundane

Sat waiting for a friend to arrive and watching (as best I can) the people coming and going with their shopping.

And a very mundane task struck me.  People were walking with shopping bags in both hands.  Sounds rediculous, but in that small insignificant moment I became upset.

And the reason for it?  The realisation that from now and forever I will always walk with one hand full; as I will either be holding a long cane,  a guide dog harness or onto another person’s arm.

It sounds silly, but having to consider what you are buying when you go out, to either contain it in a back pack or worst case over my shoulder.  It is very difficult with Fizz to have a bag in my right hand, she works off of tap que’s and a gentle reminder from having her lead in my right hand at times.

I guess for now I shall just add it to the list of ‘no longer possible’ and carry on by focussing on the ‘can do’ list.

“Stop rubbing your nose against everyone”

For any dog owners reading this, be it a guide dog, assistance dog or family pet I only have to say one word for you to understand what I am talking about …. HALTI !!

Fizz is a Labrador first and guide dog second.  She is incredibly well trained and it goes without saying that she is fantastic at her job.

But…

She is often led to distraction by the smell of something more interesting, someone greeting a friend, a rough pidgeon or even a leaf!

And this is where her ‘naughty nose’ works so very well.  It enables me to hold more control over her and as a dog is not as strong in their noses as they are in their necks, it allows me to keep her focused on the direction I want her to go.

However……

As a dog, she will take any possible opportunity to get it off her nose!

This means, if I stand still she will rub against my leg, or more embarrassingly; she will use the leg of a stranger.

I have commented before about my love of coffee, a love that Fizz now associates with standing in a queue.

It would just so happen, a queue is the ideal opportunity to rub her nose against strangers.

And she won’t do this at a point on their legs where they can see her.  No, she will sneak behind them and nudge at a point of their legs that will cause the oddest of sensations and some times even fear to them.

Although, this fear is probably greater in the summer months, when a wet nose touches bare flesh!

Yesterday while in such a queue, Fizz introduces herself to a man infront of us.  He was very chatty and would not allow me to apologise for her behaviour.  He joked about how he was wondering about what explanation he would have to offer his wife; thinking he was being propositioned by me, not the daft dog!

We spoke for a few moments while I waited my turn, and when it came to it I ordered my coffee as usual only for the gentleman to offer to pay for it.  I tried to stop him from doing this, but he was rather insistent, he said to think of it as a thank you.  I asked him why he should be saying thank you to me, to which he replied

I am thankful to Fizz, for her enabling me to meet an inspirational young woman who has made me smile at a time of sadness in my family.

I didn’t know what else to say, other than

Your welcome.

A little over SIXTEEN climbs isn’t THAT much!

… In one day, with each of those climbs topping out at 14m, doesn’t make a 225m climb sound TOO difficult, does it?

Or is it wishful thinking on my part?

Either way, there is no backing out now.  The posters have been printed, the wall booked and my climbing partner (in crime) has agreed.

So, on May 3rd I shall be climbing the equivalent height of The Cheesegrater; otherwise known as The Leadenhall Building, the 225m office building that towers over its closest neighbour (and another building who’s height I have climbed) The Gherkin, 30 St Mary’s Axe.

Time to ‘earn’ my hearing aids.

Poster reading "Climbing a cheesgrater, having conquered a Gherkin."

If you would like to show your support, you can donate HERE

Blinded by the light

…. isn’t that a song title?

Whether it be the Manfred Mann Earth Band in 1975 or The Streets 2004 hit that springs to mind, it felt like the perfect title for this piece.

Today at a Multi Level Marketing Meeting in a lovely Portsmouth hotel, I found myself being blinded by the light.  Only in this instance it was from the bar.  A bar that, having visited several times before I had never noticed before, and from the picture you will hopeful quickly see why.


The entire bar looks like it is sat on a light box, here in this google photo it looks beautiful, but in the cold light of day in a bar where the main lighting was coming from this.  It meant that I was literally ^blinded^ by it.

Thankfully I have a guide dog who I can target with “find the bar” she managed to navigate me to a gap between the bar stools and I waited for someone to serve me.

And after what felt like Fifteen minutes, but was probably more like two the staff member who was stood behind the bar spoke!

It turned out that she had been stood their The entire time and was waiting for me to order, she hadn’t seen me approach the bar, so was not aware of Fizz, we spoke and she was very apologetic.  Asking me to take a seat and she would bring my coffee over.

So, back to my seat me and Fizz went, when just a short moment later she arrived with my coffee and apologised AGAIN (and I quote her here)

….for not introducing myself as your server and asking how I could assist you.

And explained that my coffee would be free of charge, as way of her apology.  I insisted I would pay for my coffee and she had more than made up for the mistake, but she insisted her manager had agreed that I was not to pay for my drink.

I took a photo of the view I had from my seat, I had ensured we moved away from the bright glaring light of the bar, while taking the photo I managed to get the image in a way that I ACTUALLY saw the view, along with a clear photograph of it too.

Clear photograph of bar interior looking out towards the hotel entrance

Blurred interior view from the seat I had at the bar interior looking out towards the entrance to the hptel

Next time I find myself at The Marriott Hotel, I shall ask one of my friends to go to the bar for me.  Because as mush as I like my coffee; I feel guilty for accepting one free of charge.

And on the subject of the soundtrack to this post, despite being in my 30’s, I am most definitely more a Manfred Mann fan than A Streets fan, so will leave you with this little bit of fun……

 

Planning, plotting, working and wondering …….

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Raw

There is no witty title for this one, no sarcasm and no humour; I am without.

This is one of those few blogs where I just open my heart up.

This weekend has been full of emotion.  It was a weekend that had been planned to be fun, full of laughter and enjoyment with my daughter, my best friend and his son; thankfully they appeared to enjoy it, although maybe by the end of the time away my upset began to show.

It would appear; if only to me that by hearing less I am actually not able to see as much either!

My sight has not changed by any great degree, but when I find myself struggling to hear in a situation, I also find seeing more of a struggle too.

Maybe it is because I am not getting the sound clues that I rely so heavily on to fill in the gaps that I miss with my vision.  Maybe it is totally in my head (as some have suggested)

All I know, is that which ever it is.  It has completely thrown my idea of the world upside down and has left me feeling RAW and unable to cope.

I have cried, I have screamed and I have hidden it all from my daughter.  She doesn’t understand, mostly because I am not sure that I even do.

How do you explain RAW to a child?

And if you do know, can you please explain it to me ?

One moment can change it all.

Yesterday a chance meeting with someone suddenly enabled me to put together the mess of a jigsaw I have been living for many months.

A polite, kind and welcoming woman who was absolutley besotted by Fizz, asked me a question I have never been asked before, there was no malice in her words or ulterior motive for asking what she did, in the way she did; she asked me one very simple question.

How do you feel about having a disability?

I can imagine as I type these words that several of you will be taking an inhale of breathe through your gritted teeth!!  Maybe even muttering “you can’t ask that!”

Honestly though ….. YOU CAN.

Why can’t you?

I grew up with the saying “there is no such thing as a silly question.”  A phrase that I stand by even now as a parent, a friend and most of all as ME.

The answer to this question was out of my mouth and I could hear my own words as if I were listening to someone else say them.

My answer was simple;

I feel guilty.

I feel as a parent I am holding my children back,

I feel like I am a burden to my friends.

 

Rationally I know the answer to my own guilt is me, I have just never put it into words.  And WOW didn’t those words hit me like a 500 tonne truck!

Not because my own words shocked me, not because they upset me, not I was cross with myself for saying it; rather because hearing the words made me realise my irrational and unfounded fears and how they held me hostage in my own thoughts.

I have no need to feel guilt; I did not cause my eye condition and hearing loss.  My disability isn’t the result of anyone’s actions.  It just is.

So, if I know rationally I have no need to feel guilt, doesn’t just stop me feeling it.  Nor does it stop me thinking these thoughts.  It just gives me the realisation that to move forward I need to understand it.  Work through it, and most of all admit it.

After all, isn’t there a plagiarised quote on Facebook, Pinterest and Intagram that says:

LIFE IS 10% OF WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU AND 90% OF HOW YOU REACT TO IT

How did people cope before Google?**

Or more to the point; how did people cope before assisted technology?

This weekend just gone, I attended a conference with colleagues, part of the presentation was a show, bright lights, loud music, all contained in a large conference centre, with about 1700 other people.

Enough to put anyone with anxiety off!  So add to that my sight issues and ever changing hearing and I was in a total panic mode.  I had my faithful Fizz with me and some fabulous friends, so knew I would be well liked after.  But having been to a similar (yet different) event with the company in the summer, knowing more wasn’t helping to make me feel better.

This was a BIG event, there were lots of whispers about information that was going to be shared, I knew o had to be alert and listen, while also taking notes.

And this is where the assistive tech came into play……

Out of my bag came my iPad and headphones, just one placed inside my left ear and my voice over switched on and I was all set.

Since I was 6, I have been able to touch type, so could happily type as the various speaker talked, using the camera on my phone to photograph the PowerPoint slides I thought would be relevant …. Even though I couldn’t actually see them at the time!

I have said it before that “I am a Mac” but over the weekend it became so clear just how much of one I am.

I have many a ‘shortcut’ set up on both my phone (iPhone SE) and my IPad, so with certain finger taps or multiply finger movements I can easily move around.

The one that got a lot of whispers was the ‘screen curtain’.  For those who don’t need it, I guess it is a feature you don’t know about.

The screen curtain does exactly as it suggests, it puts a black curtain over the screen, or an easier way to explain it; it turns the screen off, without turning off or stopping you using the iPad.

This feature works hand in hand with Voice over as I have no need to see what I am doing as I am able to hear it all.  Also in a conference setting, where the lights are dimmed and others are sat behind writing notes, it saves the light from my screen being of a distraction or glare to them while allowing me to conserve battery.

It did cause no less than three people gently tapping me on the arm and explaining that my laptop seemed to be switched off.  So, with a quick three finger triple-tap the screen curtain was turned off and they could see my document, which often then led to “wow” or “aren’t you clever?”  But like I said above, it’s all just part of the tech and my ability to get the most out of such a conference as others.

Over the weekend I wrote pages and pages of notes, which I have since edited and corrected the odd predictive text issue and been able to recap on my learning.

The conference was much more tricky than I had anticipated, I didn’t realise just how much my hearing had changed from the previous 6 months.  I didn’t anticipate the eye atrain, ear ache and headache that I would suffer after four hours.  So much so, that in the evening instead of putting on my new posh frock, I got into my pj’s and curled up instead.  Knowing that Sunday’s training was almost twice as long!

The team around me were concerned about my struggles from the previous day, so arranged for me, Fizz and a friend to sit in a better position, much closer to the screens, yet further away from the speaker, so the presentation was clearer, and not as loud.

I felt very emotional and suppressed my tears at this act of kindness, they did not need to do this, yet they did and it became clear when I returned to the conference just the extent hey had gone to.  A member of staff met us at the door and walked us in moving us through the crowds and seating us, checking if Fizz needed any water or if I needed a drink or anything.  This biggest part with them making these adjustments for me was that they allowed me to have a friend with me, my colleague who I was sharing a room with, who was more than happy to take Fizz out for a walk and a wee or get me anything I needed or showing me where the toilets were.  This simple act allowed me to relax, to know that I was with someone I knew and trusted and that didn’t have to worry about a thing.

So at our next conference in February I shall be keeping a tally on how many comments and ‘gentle nudges’ I shall get about typing or pretending to type on a switched off iPad ….. Watch this space !!

The one thing that this weekend has shown me is how much I am loosing my control on my disability, how much it has changed and thankfully how much I am now surrounded by people that are happy to support me.

 

**DISCLAIMER:  Other search engines are available

Crowdfunding and me

So, it would appear crowdfunding as aposed to charity fundraising comes with a limit… Not a monetary limit, rather a time limit; of just 120 days !

So having been keen and set up a page (as detailed in my previous posts) we have had to change the name slightly and create a new page.

The £95 that was raised on the original page is being moved over and the link for the new one is:

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/HelpTinkHear

so, the 120 day counter has been reset and from today we have 3 months to raise this.  So, even if it is just £1, if you can help it would be greatly appreciated.

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