Today marks Five Fabulous Years since I was signed off as having qualified with Vicky, my guide dog. In that time, she has given me so very much, at a time of sadness, sorrow and increasing darkness, she has given me love, support, companionship and above all else….. Independance.
Without her guid are readding ing me, protecting me, showing me the way, I honestly feel that the darkness would have taken over, and it is propable that I may not even be here today to tell you these tales.
I know you, you are reading this thinking “she has sightloss, its not terminal.” Which yes is true, but with my sightloss, came depression. And if not treated, it can become all consuming and that can be a terminal illness.
I’m not here to talk of that though, I am here to talk about how much I have gotten from my gorgeous guiding girl.
She is a dog, YES. But actually, she is a walking, breathing, living mobility aid.
Without her by my side, I wouldn’t be leaving the house. I wuldn’t be able to take the kids to the park, I most deinately wouldn’t be contemplating returning to Uni next year.
As my guideing star, a friend has nominated Vicky for an award with Guide Dogs. She is in the final 3 for the ‘life changing award’ to be decided at the annal Guide Dog Gala Dinner, to be held in December in London.
Me and Vicky have been invited to the awards ceremony, which if she wins her catagory, she will also be put forward to be crowed as Guide Dog of the Year.
I am very excited, to win this award wold be fabulous recognition of all that she has done for me. I already know all of this, so if the judges don’t pick her, it won’t change my ove for her and my appreciation for having her by my side for the past five years.
We are having some beautiful sunny hot weather here on the south coast at the moment. So having taken my beautiful black long haired guide dog out for a good walk earlier this morning before the heat picked up, I needed to pop into town.
So out came the good olde faithful cane….. And off I went.
I have to alter how I use my cane in some shops in town, with their lovely smooth floors no-one can hear me if I use the roller tip and glide it along. So I need to go back to the basic ‘tap tap’ figure of eight so I can be heard and noticed.
Having done my shopping in the store with the big W on the front! I was walking to the exit when a kind gentleman asked if I needed assistance locating the lift, as the store is set into a hill at the back.
I thanked him for his offer, but asked if he could he so kind as to navigate me towards the escalator instead.
He sounded surprise at my request! And was concerned for my safety, so offered to come down with me. I did explain this was not necessary, but he insisted.
So down the escalator we went together (it’s on about half a flight of stairs long)
When we reached the bottom I thanked him, he then went to go back up the escalator to continue his shopping (as I hadn’t realised he wasn’t actually leaving!) So I politely and quietly followed him back up to the store.
When at the top, he asked if I was ok? So I explained that I was perfectly fine.
I went on to explain that as a guide dog user, I was unable to use escalators when working with her, so in a ‘kid in a sweet shop’ kind of excitement I was making the most of the experience !!
It sent him away with a smile on his face and me with a lovely piece of advice from him,
“Take time to do the ‘silly little things’ in life, because they often sculpt you into the sensible person you become”
So yes, I was the grown woman who rose the escalators today. But it is a little thing that I miss, that many take for granted. So I made the most of it and enjoyed myself.
I can’t see if people where looking at me, and as such I no longer worry about what they are thinking !!
My guide dog has given me so much independence and confidence to do things in the 4 1/2 yeas we have been working together, she has also listened to all my woes and never told a soul.
She is now in a stage in her working glide where she is slowing down and her ‘stubborn retriever’ personality is overpowering her guide dog training. But she is still working, I have had to allow myself time to adjust to this slower pace, but a slower guide dog is still a much better option than a long cane. Definitely for me, although I am aware that isn’t the case for everyone.
When she was trained, Vicky also recovered additional ‘target training’ from her handler. This means I can say key words and she will find these for me, for me, this is key when out and about, she is trained for crossing buttons, bins, postboxes, doors, counters and lifts. Since being with me, she has picked up a few extras from the ‘usual’ places we go to. She can now find cash points, she can also find a costa coffee house, even in towns we have never visited before.
But tonight she surprised me totally with her target. Arriving in town we popped to the cashpoint, then leaving there I said “let’s go to the pub then” to which her posture stiffened and she was off, passed the ‘local’ pub that we were stood near into the nicer pub, which was the one we haven’t been in for months and months. But she knew!
The costa coffee I could put down to being a ‘far too regular a route’ but the pub? She didn’t just go to the one we were stood by.
Tonight, after what has been a challenging time with her has just affirmed how much more than a mobility aid she is. She has a memory, she can think on her paws and she does so much more for me than get me from A to B. She keeps me independant.
Oh and tonight she got me a free drink from a stranger while I waited for my friend!!! BONUS
I wrote a blog last year about good friend who was joking with me about dating, how it really would be a blind date in my case!
But as new year roles in and friends were kissing their partners, I got to thinking ….. How do the blind date ?
There is the world of Internet dating, you can meet hundreds of people just like you (so the adverts say)
There are even dating websites for ‘those with disabilities’ and there is the tv series on Channel 4 that highlight the whole thing with the documentary ‘The Undateables’
I’m not the sort of person who has ever gone out looking for love, it’s just always …happened! I’m not looking for it now either, I am happy as me, but I do miss being with someone when with other friends. As I am beginning to feel like a spare wheel, especially during the festivities.
So, how do I go about dating?
I suppose sitting in a pub with a guide dog is good ice-breaker! But my days of catching the cute guys eye are long gone….. I do t think I could even spot the cute guy, let alone catch his eye!
A friend offered to set me up with a friend, is that how it’s done?
I sound so naive, but my last partner was the best man at my wedding (it sounds like we ran away together when I put it like that-but that’s another story) I knew him for a while, we were good friends. I have always had more male friends, but there aren’t any of them that I would consider dating now, I know them all TOO WELL.
So, how do I date?
I have looked at the dating sites for the disabled, it’s not that I don’t want to date someone with a disability, but just as I don’t have a preference on hair colour or even skin colour I don’t feel that because I have my own disability that I should be defined by it.
Having said I would update you on the training and how I was getting on, I let the side down. This wasn’t that the training wasn’t happening, it was just that life got in the way of me writing my blog.
So Sunday 27th came and so did the severe weather warnings!
I have to admit that throughout the training it was the rain I was worried about, not the wind. A very foolish misconception, after all the last 2 Miles of the race where along the sea front at Southsea, with no shelter. And as you will be aware if you have been anywhere near the great outdoors on that day, it was windy…. Very windy.
After an issue with my guide runner, the dog costume for the guide runner and everything coming together at the 11th hour I didn’t have the chance to be nervous about anything other than being able to finish the race.
My original guide runner was too tall for me, making him too fast in stride even at his walk pace. So, thankfully I was able to twist the arm of a friend, to join me. As a former partner, he is aware of my eye condition and my preferred way of being guided and having things explained to me. He also had a good understanding of what it meant to me to be doing such a challenge. Although I don’t think he had a full appreciation for what doing a 10 mile flat open air course would be like with a giant dog suit on!
The dog suit was another issue, the events team at guide dogs was arranging for me to have one of their costumes as the one that I had used from my local Southampton mobility team was already being used by someone else. With just 10 days to go before the race it arrived, a dog costume that looked nothing like the fat little puppy I had borrowed from Southampton, it was a very sad looking dog, with several sewing issues.
So, I went back to Southampton and asked for their help, the fundraising team were fab, they tracked me down a puppy costume that was in good condition, although missing its hand gloves, they arranged for it to be driven down from its home in Leamington and it arrived on the Thursday before the race.
It was a fat chocolate lab puppy costume, that with a guide dog race vest on looked the part. My guide would be able to play the role of being my dog after all.
top dog
So, it was all in place and race day came. On recommendation and for ease we travelled over to Portsmouth on the Gosport Ferry, and then walked the 2 miles to the charity village for a warm up before starting in the ‘green’ heat at 11.05.
It was only once arriving on site and getting the puppy ready, putting my own cane away that the emotion of the day hit.
And oh yes, it hit…. I was in an absolute panic. Not about running the race, not about even completing the race. No, it was something that unless you have trouble with large groups or very little vision will be hard for me to explain in a way that is easily understood.
The volume of people, more that 2500 of them were also taking part, yes we were ranked in different colours depending on ability, the green rank that I was in was the busiest and saved for the casual runners, walkers and those who had never done such an event before.
I was attached by an elastic strap on my wrist to the puppies wrist and when we had trained I had done so to hold his arm between his elbow and wrist. We had trained to work at a good pace together, none of this was of concern, this I had prepared for, trained for and had control over. All the other runners though, well they were a completely different story, over them I had no control, no understanding and nor did they of me.
In such a vast crowd no-one realised that I had a visual impairment or that the dog was my guide, not just a guy dressed up for the fun of it.
So we warmed up together, moved up to the start line together and then it all started, no more time for panic, no more time to think, just time to put my complete and utter faith in my dog.
But in a way that I had never put my faith in Vicky before, I couldn’t not do it now, there were several hundred people behind us, to the sides of us and in front of us and there we were, 2 people with no where to go but forward.
My senses were on ultra high, I could sense all of the people around us, especially those behind us, but I couldn’t judge their speed or distance and with a giant puppy head, vocal commands from my guide were non existant, instead it was all done through feel, touch and gentle gestures…. That we hadn’t practiced or used before. Where he went, I did, I gave up on trying to look forward, the movement of me and others was too hard to focus on, so I put my head down and watched his giant brown puppy paws instead and followed their rhythm.
We had trained together, to run together, but like I said, nothing prepared me for this. I felt like I was a failure, another thing that I couldn’t do, but then there were the people cheering and David attached to me and I WAS DOING IT, even if I had had to walk the whole course, I would have still have done it.
The race really knocked me down, yes I should of trained more, then maybe I wouldn’t have hurt so much after, but no amount of physical fitness prepared me for the emotion and the me part of the day.
I am struggling to explain this, but it was a very large marker for me, on how I do see things differently and how I feel about them. I have never and will not shy away from doing things like this again, in fact I am already thinking of next years challenge. Which not be a running event that is for sure!
I suppose that the reality that I was only able to do such an event by being with another person, not being able to just jog through the crowds and run my own race, I had to do it with a guide. A guide who was very happy to help and happy to go with my pace without complaint. But nether the less, a guide.
The great south run for me was another realisation that I can’t just get up and do things by myself, I am different and in this instance that has caused me upset.
Its been one of the highest moments for me to say YES I DID IT, but a low also to think that I wouldn’t be able to do it alone.
As I have mentioned before, my guide dog has given me so much freedom and Independence, more than I feel I would have if I had continued to use my cane on a daily basis.
Vicky, however has decided that she is getting tired of her role as my guide dog and in recent months has slowed her pace considerably, to the point sometimes that I feel like we are standing still… She has had several health issues and in the past two years having suffered with a growth on her tonsil she has been receiving daily medication in the form of an inhaler. This has enabled her to breath easier. She is happy working and has been assessed several times as I would not wish to work her if she were not happy.
She is still very happy to work, her tail is testament to that, it is just that it is at a slower pace, a pace that is too slow for me.
Having celebrated her Eight birthday, thats Fifty Six in dog years!
The decision was taken last week to retire her from service, when a suitable replacement has been found or she decides she is no longer happy to work, which ever comes first.
This decision has been one that has been at the back of my mind for a little while now, so was not as a complete shock. But as she is such an amazing part of me and my family it is still one that fills me with upset.
I had commented before that when Vicky was to retire I would go on to work with a new dog, which I am still going to do. But I was not prepared for what happened next at the guide dog assessors visit last week!
To be matched with the ‘right dog’ it is important that the guide dog team know as much about your lifestyle as possible. This includes your usual day, places you visit, hobbies, interests, other family members, other pets, etc etc.
I had thought about this bit, I had even written a list, a list that is four times longer than the list I had when applying for Vicky, a list that impressed the assessor as it gave her a very detailed account of my life and what I would need from a dog.
This was all good….. Then E, my assessor invited me to do a ‘handle walk’ This is where she would hold the harness and work with me as if she were the dog.
This is a way of her understanding and judging my pace, stride length and most importantly control and balance, which are key for matching me with the right dog.
So off we went for a walk down my street, where all my neighbours know me and just in time for the mums at the pre-school to be walking past on their way for lunch pick ups.
I vaguely remember the handle walk from when I applied for Vicky, but this time it felt completely different, because I knew what I was doing, well….. In theory that is!
So, off we went. E told me that she was sniffing and I was to correct her, this is the same with a dog, (although with the dog on the harness you can feel them putting their head down to sniff, Vicky doesn’t actually talk to me) It is a vocal correction, where tone is key, if this doesn’t work then it is a correction using the harness, not to hurt the dog, but to stop them. This must be carried out with the correct verbal warning, where timing is crucial. Followed by immediate praise when the dog responds, which again is a different tone.
Then came the praise. Me walking along the street with a grown woman holding the front end of a harness, while I held the harness, telling her she was a ‘good girl’ as one of my daughters dinner ladies walked passed.
Another part of the test was my instructions. E had to find the crossing having been targeted to it, I then had to praise her with a soft yet exciting warm tone (thankfully she was happy for me to forgo the ear rub that they encourage in a new partnership!)
It was back to basics, time to put in place all of the commands that I use daily with Vicky, foot positions that have become second nature, so much so that when E asked me to stand in the ‘starting off position’ I FROZE. I couldn’t remember what this was or how I did it. E understood my hesitation and reassured me that I had used the correct position when we had taken Vicky on her walk earlier. But with E stood beside me I couldn’t remember it. Thankfully she came to my rescue and reminded me of what to do, a simple foot position that sets you off to walk forward or turn left or right in a fluid motion with the dog.
A motion that had become so fluid in fact that when I had to think about it, I couldn’t do it.
We worked on my preferred pace, my pace with the children and my ability to follow. This assessment was the same as the one I had had to complete when I first applied for a guide dog, because having had one dog did not automatically qualify me for another.
I have been assessed as fit to work with a new dog, awaiting medical conformation, which is standard practice. When received I will be put on the waiting list for my next dog.
This is a scary, yet exciting prospect. But one that will only help strengthen me for my future.
When at a family wedding recently I realised that my children have a little more freedom than I thought I gave them.
let me explain….
As a VIP mum I often feel that I protect my children a little too much (is there such a thing?) As I have mentioned before I have a 7 year old and a 3 year old, since my sight has noticeably deteriorated since 2008 when my daughter was just 2 years old I have continually question my own parenting and compared it to my friends. for example, living in a bungalow I have a clear rule with my children regarding toys, I will tread carefully when walking in the kids rooms, but if they leave toys around the house they may be moved without warning or worse if trodden on, they risk being broken. So my children learnt very quickly to be tidy with toys outside their rooms.
When walking between the church and reception venue in Hamble recently with my parents, I discovered that I actually have my children more freedom and trust than my mum had expected or could understand.
Working with a guide dog, we are trained together using voice and right hand signals to convey information, so I am limited to carrying or holding things in my right hand the majority of the time. Resulting in my children learning to walk with or slightly in front of me without holding my hand, when crossing the road they will put their hand on my leg so that I know exactly where they are. Walking on a wide path by a busy road, my daughter was happily walking ahead with chatting with her cousin, my son was walking and skipping about 20 foot in front of us, my mum was continually asking him to walk with her and hold her hand. He struggled with this and it didn’t last long before he got bored and ran off ahead a little.
My mum found this naughty behaviour (which I fully understand) but after me explaining that this was different to what he was used to she seemed to understand. However, I feel that she found this difficult to understand eclectically as my sight is so poor.
The children do have rules when we are out like this, they do not cross roads without me, they do not walk around corners without me and if I feel they are walking off to far I will shout STOP and they are to stand still until I catch up with them. To check the distance, we often make a game out of it on walking to the next lamppost or telegraph pole. as the reader, what do you think?
Am I too trusting of them? I would appreciate your feedback x
Lots of blogs this week, but I get to break from the usual boring home, study routine when my two children are home. As I said before, I won’t let me being a VIP affect them or the fun they get to have.
So, on Sunday as a birthday treat we went to the fun fair at Hayling Island, I have never been there before, but friends had raved about it & how much fun the kids could have (big & small!)
They weren’t wrong.
With a 3 and 7 year old it is often difficult to find the balance on somewhere they can both have fun and do things together or with me. Of-course my faithful GD came along too although she didn’t partake in much of the fun, just the run along the beach afterwards.
For me, I got to drive! only on the bumper cars, but didn’t I make the most of it, first with my son, then with my daughter and then they had their own car and I got to go alone.
We went on the halter skelter, the log flume, the balloon ride, even the rickettly old roller-coaster (I didn’t want to ask if it was part of its design or age that made it that way)
I know many people do these sorts of rides with their eyes closed, so most can guess what that feels like, but how about if your eyes were a blurry haze?
It makes things seem there that aren’t, it makes it feel that you will hit your head or that the cart your in will come off of the rails.
Also with no depth perception I have no ability to judge the hieght of a climb or the steepness of a drop….. But for me that adds to the excitement.
So to say that I had just as much if not more fun as the kids would be an understatement …….. We loved it!
The weather was just right and like all good funfairs I got to enjoy an old family tradition of having my bucket of pennies and playing on the slot machines too, dropping the coin at just the right time to not fall on top of the pile, put to push some of the coins down into the winning bit.
Who says sight loss has to make you miss things, it just makes it a different experience, but having never had brilliant sight I can’t say is it were a better or worse experience, my children had a fabulous time and that was the whole point of the day.
Every guide dog owner can tell you of a time when they have had to deal with SDS (stubborn Dog Syndrome).
A good gd is well trained, a great gd is able to problem solve and think outside the training. But no matter how good or great, there is a key factor that many people forget, they are still dogs and as such have a very active mind of their own….. Many a gd owner who has had a retriever, will tell a tale or two about their stubborn streak, their dislike of walking back on themselves, so if you forget something in the supermarket aisle, you have to con them by walking in a round route down the next aisle to get back to where you actually started.
This stubborn streak can also come out when you do the same walk, say to the corner shop that they do each and every day, all gd’s retrievers or not are dogs and have a very loveable and funny sense of humour.
This evening on my way home from a friends, after a very stubborn day from my gd I was reminded that she is my guide, my protector and that she has an extra sense, that even with full sight I would never possess.
Tonight my puppy saved my life.
We were heading home, Vicky had taken me to the crossing that we had used so many times before, I pressed the button and awaited the beep to say we could walk. The beep started, but she refused to move. She was in fact backing up, as if to says he wanted to go back where we had come from. So of course, I corrected her and tried to move her forward. It was in that milli-second that the truth came out.
The crossing was still beeping, yet I heard and felt the air where two rather loud, turbo charged cars whooshed right in front of me.
If she had let me cross, we could have been severely hurt if not worse.
I was so shaken that I just sat down on the path and grabbed her in a big hug. A women walking on the opposite side of the road had seen the whole thing and rushed to see that we were ok……
We were both fine, although I was a little shaken by what could have been.
Guide dogs are trained not to walk in front of cars when they have their engines on, unless on a designated crossing, but it is never the gd’s responsibility to say when it is safe to cross the road, that is always down to the owner. They are trained to stop for cars and bikes and not to cross, but as I said as her human, it is always my responsibility to say when to cross or not, because some dogs loose the ability to judge traffic if they don’t use it. Which I can say since training Vicky has only had to do it once (not bad in 4 years!)
But I couldn’t even hear these cars approaching the lights, a sound of gear changes that I have come to understand to tell when a car is slowing down, and judging by the speed in which they’d went past, they hadn’t been close by before the lights had changed.
I have heard stories of this happening before, one Guide dog was even awarded a medal for doing the very same thing for his owner on a busy street. But I couldn’t believe my luck when I discovered that my very own Vicky was capable of this and had as a result saved us both a lot of pain.
Tonight I am a very proud gd owner & will think twice before arguing with her at the crossing.
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