“Stepping through the door like a troubadour
Whiling just an hour away
Looking at the trees on the roadside
Feeling it’s a holiday
You and I should ride the coast
And wind up in our favourite coats just miles away
Roll a number, write another song
Like Jimmy heard the day he caught the train.”
Tag Archive for guide dogs
Days like today…….
I have a ‘Have Guide Dog, will travel’ attitude to life, today I decided in the sun to visit Winchester (alone) something I don’t think I will be in a hurry to repeat.
The rudeness, the sly comments & general ‘opinions’ that were continually thrust upon me resulted in a very short visit.
I am more than happy to accept and I do understand that not everyone likes dogs, be that an assistance dog or a pet.
I do understand that in some cultures dogs are not warmly accepted. But today the comments or actions of rudeness did not come from the here.
Today it came from,
A business woman looking down on her phone;
The art student with a VERY LARGE portfolio;
The man in the queue in Starbucks;
The woman behind me in boots who tutted at me when I asked the sales assistant to repeat herself for the 3rd time because I couldn’t hear her;
The van driver who got shirty when I waved him on because I wouldn’t cross in-front of him.
Were it not for the kindness of strangers I would have found myself fighting tears & heading for the nearest taxi.
it was thanks to ….
The window cleaner who moved his ladder so I would walk past;
Theassistant in Starbucks who offered me water for Fizz while pointing out to the rude man that assistance dog or not I had every right to enjoy coffee;
To the sales assistant in boots who guided me to a quieter area so I could hear what she was saying!
I know that I may stand in the wrong queue at times, I know that my guide dog likes to walk by the building line, which means we often walk right in front of the shop doors, I do understand that I take up more width on the pavement as I walk beside my guide, and she can’t tell me to “step in” the way a sighted person would if the path was narrow.
But at what point does vocalising your opinions change this? All it does is demoralises someone who just wants to get on. And could even stop a (less stubborn) person from going out and visiting other areas.
Today has been one of those days where I have felt isolated and hurt by the actions of others. But writing this now I am able to say that I won’t let it stop me, I share this with you now to raise awareness.
Because it can often be the ‘off-handed’ comment that you quickly forget making that can cause irreparable damage to someone. We never know what demons people are fighting; so just be kind.
It really is THAT simple.
Overheard in Costa (other coffee shops are available)
“you can tell your teacher tomorrow how you saw a guide dog being trained, that is a very special dog and once that lady has trained him he will look after a blind person.”
“Mummy isn’t that lady blind?”
“No darling that lady isn’t blind, she wouldn’t be out on her own in coffee shops if she was!”
This whole conversation tickled me and I shared it with my friends on Facebook.
I would usually correct the mum, but on this occasion I wasn’t feeling myself so didn’t.
For which I am now kicking myself; I also find myself asking
“Why can’t a guide dog user go into a coffee shop alone?”
Sleep tight baby girl
This post has taken me several weeks to write and I must warn you that it may cause you upset, tears are most certainly in my eyes as I type this. But they are tears of great memories, of funny stories and of achievements.
On January 2nd, after a struggle with an illness I said goodbye to my original guiding girl; my first guide dog Vicky.
Three years ago today (19.01.15) Vicky wore her guide dog harness for the final time. She walked beside me as I took the children to school in the morning. We took a longer walk home that day. She then sat wondering what I was upto when I took this photograph of her sat in the lounge wearing her harness.
And the reason for this final photograph? It was because in less than 30 minutes a GDMI (guide dog mobility instructor) would be coming to start my training with a new guide dog, my second leading lady Fizz.
I wrote about all that she had enabled me to do in The end of a (half) Era
When Vicky retired it was agreed that she would enjoy her retirement at home with me and the children, the home that she had moved into in 2009. The home that she had been such an import part of and had help to instigate so many changes within.
Most of all (among others) when she guided me both literally and metaphorically through my pregnancy with my son. When she ensured that both of us were safe while he was inside my tummy and while I carried him in his carrier. She had also allowed me to go out and spend time with my daughter (who was just 4 1/2 yo when Vicky arrived) So it goes without saying that she had captured an extra special part of my heart, that no other guide dog would be able to replace.
As my first guide dog, working with Vicky was scary. But also exhilarating!!
When I applied for her in 2008 my list of ‘wants’ was to be able to go to the local shops alone, to take my daughter safely to pre-school (and then school) and to be able to go back to getting the bus to work and being able to not have to rely on someone to drive me.
When ‘murmurs’ of Vicky retiring began in 2013 my list of ‘wants’ was so very different.
Althoigh I no longer, I now had a son. I now went horse riding. I now volunteered with various charities and had such a busy schedule between the children, volunteering and hobbies that it took 16 months to find a guide dog that could follow in the huge paw prints that Vicky had set out.
It was also at this time when I started training with Fizz that I discovered just how much Vicky had had me wrapped around her dew claw!
I had thought it was ‘usual’ to work in circular routes, not being able to just turn around and walk back the way we had come (in the supermarket for example) like when we had walked upto school, which was LITERALLY in the road next to the house, we had to walk up on one side of the road and back down on the other!
It was when training with Fizz I discovered that this was a ‘retriever trait’ and one that I had been allowing Vicky to get away with.
Anyway….. I digress …….
In September last year Vicky had a cyst removed from her hip, it was nothing of any consequence, it had just been a source of discomfort. So just weeks after when I noticed a lump on her side I took her straight back to the vets.
They weren’t overly concern. She had just turned 12 yo and when tested with a needle prick the results showed it was a fatty lump.
So, with the agreement of both the vet and guide dogs we would watch and measure the lump.
In November Vicky went off her food, the lump was measured and there was a sizeable change in it. Vicky was put on pain medication and further tests were agreed.
When I took Vicky in Forbes her X-rays in early December it was felt that actually she would benefit from specialist investigations that my vet could not offer.
Vicky was starting get tired. She was beginning to show her struggle. She was still very playful at home with Fizz, but our walks had become considerably shorter.
She was noticeably loosing weight and her coat was loosing its gleaming shine.
Her pain medication was increased and every hope was placed on her appointment with the specialist.
That was until she took a turn on New Year’s Day. It was heartbreakingly to watch her. The vets were brilliantly though. They put her on a drip and made her comfortable. They even managed to change her visit to the specialist.
So after staying with them overnight I was amazed to see a much brighter bouncy girl bought out to me the following morning.
She was still weak, she was still in pain, but she was also relieved to see me again.
So we went to the specialist. Where we were joined by GDWO (guidebook dog welfare officer) Vicky was so placid that they were able to X-ray her without sedation.
It wasn’t good news.
Although the X-rays didn’t tell them EXACTLY what was wrong with her, they did tell them enough.
The consultant was so kind.
The GDWO was so kind.
We could investigate more.
We could reduce her pain.
But the one thing we couldn’t do was to stop the end result.
Vicky was 12 yo and as a Flatcoat cross Golden Retriever I already knew she was older than most.
The growth on her chest was too big. Whether it was a fatty lump or cancer, there was no option to remove it.
The consultant talked about this and that. I remember asking is guide dogs needed it investigating further (they didn’t)
It was then that I looked down at Vicky. I had sat down on the floor with her by this point. I could see the pain in her eyes, I could feel the tension in her body.
Through tears (just like those that are escaping now) I asked the consultant if we could let her go to sleep and take her pain away?
He was amazing.
He told me he would give me time with her and if when he came back it was too soon I was just to tell him to bugger off (his exact words!) and he would give us more time.
The GDWO went to get Vicky a comfy bed as she was laying on a hard floor and kept banging her head each time she lifted it.
The nurses bought a beautiful white fluffy fleecy bed and we got her comfortable on it.
I spoke to her and thanked her.
The consultant came back and I agreed it was time for her to go.
I stayed with her and held her tight. She was so peaceful, she was no longer in pain….. But she was gone!
My friend that was with me supported me throughout, even though she too was upset. The GDWO told me she would stay with Vicky, make sure that she wasn’t left alone and take care of all the paperwork.
It absolutley broke my heart the minute I walked out of that room and typing his now I am feeling that pain all over again.
Vicky was so much, she gave me so much more than I could ever thank her for or repay her for:
She gave me the me that is here today. There are no words to describe what that is. I just know that the love I feel for her will never be replaced.
It was agreed that Vicky would be cremated and get to ‘come home’
The GDWO took care of all of this on my behalf. She even bought Vicky home to me on 10th January.
The house hasn’t been the same. Fizz hasn’t been the same; I have sat and cried cuddled into her; I have explained it to her. I know she is missing her friend. The whole time Fizz has been with me, she has had Vicky to play with. And now it is just her…….
We have plans to take Vicky for her ‘final walk’ and let her go. Keeping all the memories, the photographs and a few simple keepsakes of her.
Along with the love for her. And although I love Fizz (and wouldn’t change her for the world) Vicky will always have an extra special place that no other dog or human can ever replace.
And so it all starts again…..
Round 1: Paraclimbing competition for 2017 (2018 team selection)
EICA – Edinburgh International Climbing Arena, hosted by BMC and MSC.
One year and one week to the day of my first ever competition and I was back to do it all over again.
And in that one year and one week many things had changed. I have most definitely changed; my climbing has most certainly improved and although my sight and hearing have had their setbacks (as detailed standing alone) I thought I was in a much stronger position physically and mentally for this competition.
I wasn’t sure though, why I hadn’t been as prepared for the 13 hour drive that had seen us be diverted off the M6 and not arrive at the hotel until after 1am on Saturday morning. After all, thanks to said sight and hearing impairments, I wasn’t able to share the drive with my CPC (Climbing Partner in Crime). The whole horrible job had been left to him to endure and in turn exhaust him mentally in ways, that as having never been a driver I can’t quite understand; yet one I can fully empathise with.
This year was different, this year I didn’t have the apprehension of a new Climbing Centre, the apprehension of never having competed before.
This year I had a bench mark; a place to beat and a score to improve upon.
This year I always wanted to EARN my podium place (not just get it by default-having been the only competitor last year!) Which although I couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t have competition I was setting myself a personal goal to get me up on the podium.
After a bit of a wobble I found myself ready to set about the day. My first move was a bouldering problem which was actually marked as the hardest of my 3 problems, but it wasn’t something I was aware at the time.
it was to start from a sitting position, it was also then I realised that my routes where only to cover 2 categories; interestingly the 2 categories where VI and Upper-Body Amptutee.
It happens some times that some routes are set for particular categories and not others, for example a route set for lower body amputees would probably not be suited to an upper body amputee. And for a reason I do not understand it is often that the Vi and Upper-amputee are grouped together.
All competitors (from each of the 9 categories) had the same Boulder 1 and 2, in addition to Climb 1 and 2, but when it came to the 3rd of each problem this was where the VIs and Upper body amputees had a different problem on each.
This meant that the queue of competitions on these routes were much smaller; hence my school girl error of actually doing my hardest first.
So, going backwards I then completed with a flash (getting to the top on 1st attempt) Boulder 1.
I wasn’t as successful on Boulder 2, where I misread my footings and started off all wrong, a silly error I repeated on my following attempts.
Time for lunch and freshness break for Guiding girl Fizz, who had made herself lots of friends while benched as I climbed. And was sporting a slightly grey colour around her ears; afyerall a black dog around all that chalk isn’t the best mix!
Then it was onto the climbs. (Which unlike the Boulder, you only get one shot) Climb 1 was over before I realised, it was a great warm up climb and one I didn’t need any guidance from the ground on.
Climb 2 was a busy climb, with each and every Climber using it I got to enjoy watching (through the camera on my iPhone) the others who went before me. It was a much higher climb, with a column and yellow holds on the grey wall. It was time for me to climb, just as my CPC had returned from completing his 3rd Boulder (not the same as my 3rd Boulder) he told me how he had scraped his knuckle on the wall and would just need to sit and rest. (I later discovered that he had popped a tendon and actually had to have it strapped up and imobilize his middle fingers)
So, off I went and got myself tied in for the climb. I was about 2 m off the ground when I realised I didn’t have the support. My ground support wasn’t there, I was on the climb alone and had to up my game and concentrate on my hands and feet. I heard no instruction, I just had to focus and more importantly; remember to breath !!
….. Something is very easy to forget when I climb…..
It was a long climb, it was a climb that went from left side to right side and back to left, it wasn’t easy with the little contrast, but I did it. Or I hoped it had! When I got to the rope top (the rope didn’t finish at the top of the wall) I reached around but couldn’t find another hold, I had to just hope I had the last one, but I was worried I had missed it!)
Thankfully coming down I confirmed with the judge, I had got to the final hold and I had flashed the climb.
Phew….. I could relax.
It was then I discovered my CPiC’s injury and worked with him to support his injury to enable him to finish his own last two climbs.
And given the shortage or judges, there was a fair wait for me to finish my final climb. I was however able to watch two of my fellow competitions complete the climb (yet as they were both upper body amputees, their climb was different to mine…….. Even though it was the same route and wal)
It also gave me the opportunity to watch my CPiC complete his climbs too.
Then it was time for my final climb; just in time too as they announced it was time for the last climbs.
And this climb looked like a great contrast; black holds on a light grey wall. I hadn’t worked out why my fellow climbers had ignored several of the obvious holds, that was until I got on the wall.
The ‘obvious’ holds were in fact not holds at all, they were black gaffer tape taping over quickdraws and other such climbing accessories. A feature that had apparently been on the other walls too. But as the holds on those routes weren’t black, I hadn’t even noticed them.
I took on the climb, it was most certainly a challenge. But a fun challenge at that.
I had a move planned in my head, I moved my feet to make it an easier set a ste and then ….. OUCH!
I had missed it, it was such a simple move, but one I never made, instead I scraped my elbow off the wall as I dropped quite far. (My belay has been getting ready to take up my slack, which gave me more rope, sc I when I missed the move he found himself unexpectedly giving me more rope-which was no issue as I was fairly high up the wall!)
It was the final climb though, I had no second chance and one I am proud to say that “I climbed until I fell.” Not something I had done in previous competition; not something I had been doing while climbing in general until very recently.
And yes, I fell….. But it felt AMAZING !! I climbed until I couldn’t climb anymore.
And it got me a Silver Medal!
Out of the 4 competitors in my category I came second. A medal I am more than proud of. And can’t wait to improve on at October’s competition!
Roll on round 2, when I get to climb at The Castle !!
Summer showers
I can’t be the only guide dog owner this relates to? Surely there are more like me?
This is what they call a ‘3rd world problem’
when irs humid and it rains in the summer months, I can but only GET WET!
Yku see. When everyone around me is reaching for the umbrella, I have to make a decision; do I put on a coat with a hood (which even a lightweight jacket is too hot) or so I get wet?
When I was trained with both Vicky and Fizz, the importance of hand signals with a guide dog were just as important, if not more important that the words I spoke.
I can, just about get away with carrying a bag or pulling a suitcase when I am working my guide dog, nuts en this isn’t easy.
So, when it rains I don’t even carry a umbrella. Which in the summer mo the means making the decision between sweating in a plastic mac or getting wet.
Most of the time, I choose getting wet!
However, saying that, this summer is different. This summer I have hearing aids, this summer I have looked at other options, none have been feesable, so now on a day that is set to rain, I am dressed with a jacket, a thin top and the hope that I can dash between places instead of getting stuck in a rain shower.
Like I said, 3rd world problems ….
Fearful times
Last year I was very lucky to be able to attend several gigs, and pretty gigs at that; with Adele, Muse, Red Hot Chilli Peppers and even Placebo. All of these took place in London, a capital known for its security and safety record.
Several weeks ago, a terrorist targeted a Manchester gig. Men, women and even children were caught up in this horrid act that resulted in 22 deaths and many many more suffering.
I am not here to talk about the attack, nor the group behind it, this is not a political post…… I am going to talk about the fear that this has left me with.
I am in fear of this happening at a gig I go to.
I am in fear of putting my friends in danger, because of the additional support they afford me.
I am in fear or letting this fear stop me.
Followng on from the Manchester attack, London saw a savage attack just last weekend. Where a van, usually placed on any street in the country was used to mount the curb and drive into Londoners who had been out enjoying a Saturday evening.
My next gig is in London in just a few weeks. It’s on a Saturday. It’s also at venue I have never been before. By the nature of a gig, one especially that is SOLD OUT. There will be an increase security presents to enable ease of movement for gig goers arriving and leaving, especially with additional support in the nearby tube and railway stations. I am also aware that many concrete barriers have been erected around London at key locations, such as The Bridges that cross The Thames to make it more difficult for a vehicle to be used as a terror weapon.
In wake of the terror attacks, plenty of advice has been given on RUN. HIDE. TELL. This is the bit I fear. What saved many people in both of these attacks was the ability for them to see the danger, see an escape route and to see those who needed help.
So, how do I cope in such a situation without the ability to see?
I can run, and especially if it were needed I would do this, but which way do I run? The fear in all of this isn’t for me. The fear in all of this is for my guiding girl Fizz and my friends.
I know that they would never leave me, but what if by helping me they are put into the way of danger?
What if me being with a guide dog appears as an easy target?
All these questions and fears are building up.
I don’t think I would ever have the answers, but in writing my blog I hope to ease my own fears and ease the fears of those around me.
Not even a trained firearms officer can say how they will cope or how they would deal with being involved in such an attack. As no amount of training can say how you would deal with human nature and the flight or flee reaction.
My friends will walk with me and support me in the same way that they have in the past. My vulnerability will also stand out to our police men and women and other security forces.
Some of my fellow friends with both hearing and visual impairments have said that they have felt additional support has been afforded to them especially in London since the weekend.
I am not going to make this blog about the terrorist that committed these crimes. Because after all the whole reasoning for many acts of terrorism is to divide and terrorise people. And iconically both Manchester and London have actually ‘come together’ supported each other and shown just how great they are as a whole at supporting those who need the support.
So, I have told you my fears, I have explained them, I am not able to completely dismiss them, but I am able to understand them. I am able to know that they will not stop me from going to London, or any other city for that matter.
I may just make sure more so than usual that my phone is charged and my additional battery pack is also charged.







