Today is one filled with mixed emotions, concerns and thoughts. Today, 18th January 2015 is the last working day for my guide dog Vicky. We have been working together as a qualified team since 18th November 2009, and it has been an amazing 5
03
Sep 2016
So….. Today, this happened !!
It’s almost 11.00 o’clock, 12 hours after this crazy day started. The climbing arena was nothing like I had ever seen before and no matter how much I had researched and looked at photo after photo I was not prepared for the quarry that I
02
Sep 2016
Maybe I Should have said something before…..
Well, this is something new……. I am sat in the passenger seat of my friends car doing 70+ MPH on the M6 Motorway travelling on my way to Edinburgh; while typing this blog. My iPad is tethered to my phone for 4G and my voiceover
18
Dec 2016
Another church and The Angel of the North….. Was it a sign?
Round 4 of the Paraclimbing series for 2016, the final in this years competitions, another great location and my chance to shine. Newcastle Climbing Centre is set within the walls of an old church, one that was much larger and steeped in more history than
14
Apr 2025
Who needs a comfort zone anyway?
Its been a while. 2024 threw me some pretty horrid curve balls, I was exhausted; emotionally, mentally and physically. And I allowed myself to get lost among it all. 2025 has been about making peace with the demons, coping with the new way of doing
11
Oct 2013
Looking towards the future
Part of me as a person, is someone who works and earns my own money. Being on benefits for me is a failure of my ability to do this.
I am currently in a position that I am reliant on the help that they offer. I am home looking after my two children, now on my own after my relationship broke down earlier this year.
But I want to do more……
It is not that I do not love being at home, or that I don’t love my children, but I need more. I have a strong work ethic and I want to be able to support my children more and allow them to have nicer things.
My career before my sight started to deteriorate was in design, a career that yes I could have continued with with the correct support, but one that I felt that my heart had fallen out of.
I have also worked within administration and with charities that deal with sight loss. But although I ave an eye condition and I enjoy the volunteer roles that I have with Open Sight and Guide dogs, my sight is just part of me.
So time to look to the future and to see what I can do for my next career.
Last year I started this ball rolling by doing a taster course in counselling. I fell in love with it as a subject and as a possible career move. And despite my initial concerns my sight loss has no affect on me being able to support others. It just means that I need to do things in a slightly different way.
This year I have been working towards my ABC certificate in counselling. Class makes up just 4 hours with 8 hours at home, however for me this is more like 12.
Studying and all that comes with it has been a learning curve in more ways that just the subject! I have learnt a lot about how and when I can use my eye’s and sight to get the most out of them, without creating negativities for myself.
An example of this, is using the computer. As I have said before, I am a Mac user and as such, have a MacBook Pro and iPad. Both of which offer fabulous accessibility as standard. (maybe thats another blog in the making!) But when I can use my Macs is becoming limited.
If I want to be able to close my eyes and wind them down to sleep, I must not be using them after 9pm in the evening. Even with the speech software, I still try to use my remaining sight, its a natural reflex. If I have reading to do, this must be done even earlier in the evening or preferably during the day.
So, study is nothing like the all-night, stopping only to use the loo sessions that I had when at university just 10 years ago. Which is a real marker for me of the deterioration that has occurred.
So, my work is done with an hour here, an hour there and also a stopwatch. Because as with most people when I am deep into something, time can run away with me and with my eye’s I do not feel the affects immediately, but it is often a few hours after.
But this has not put me off.
Just this week, went in the application for the DipHe in Counselling. Its a whole day at Eastleigh with 2 1/2 days of home study. The ‘perk’ of this course is that I can apply for assistance in the form of a scribe for the time in college. I can also apply for a grant to help me to upgrade my Mac, to a larger screen as my existing mac is becoming a struggle. Its not going to be easy. This I am in no doubt about, but this is where I want to be.
So, as I can no longer do late night studying, I will have to give VERY early mornings a trial instead.
08
Oct 2013
Joining the Gym
Just over a year ago, I signed up to a swim membership at my local leisure centre. I aimed to go several times a week to improve my fitness.
I was able to swim alone if I chose my times carefully, but to keep up my enthusiasm and to help me with my swim technique I roped a friend into coming with me.
The swimming was going well, I still go. But I felt that as the colder, wetter, darker weather was due to set in, my opportunity to get out on my bike, for a run or just an incredibly long walk was reducing.
I also needed to admit to myself that I needed to train more if I were going to actually achieve something out of the great south run.
So….. Joining the gym seemed the obvious choice.
To say I was nervous was an understatement, I was petrified.
The instructor Stephen, who did my induction with me was incredibly fit and I felt incredibly unfit and fat. Yes it is his job,, and isn’t that the whole reason I was joining, was to improve both my fitness and to reduce my weight.
I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to use the machines, but those fears were soon quashed. The display on the cardio gym equipment was HUGE…. It was also incredibly simple and easy to use.
I would if I wished even plug in a set of headphones and watch my own tv programmes if I wished, without disruptions from any kids. I asked if I could move in, but they said “no” !!
Stephen was very clear in his explanations of how to use the different programmes on the machines and where I could find everything within the gym. For now I am only looking to use the cardio machines.
Since my induction last tuesday, I have already been 3 times.
I like the fact that on the treadmill I can run at different paces, without having to do it at a time that suits someone else. The gym is open from 6am to 11pm, that is the only restraint on when I can go, that and childcare too.
This has made me feel incredibly good about myself. Help is on hand, but for the majority of the time I am independent. I can run, walk, ride, row, all by myself.
In addition to the gym, I have also joined a class. Its called BodyBalance and is a mix between Pilates, Yoga and Tai Chi..
Carol the instructor is incredibly descriptive with the position and movements, it is a very slow although energetic I felt able to keep up, even if I need to work a bit more on my balance and coordination.
But I survived and will be back again tomorrow for another class. It will take time to get up to a more flexible standard as some of the others that go to the class, but then thats why I am doing this.
To improve my fitness for me.
05
Oct 2013
Life
It happens around us, it creeps up around you and before you and before you know it, lots has happened and you haven’t written a single part of it down.
So here I am, writing it down.
Bear with me, there is training for the great south run to catch up on, a new gym experience, my guide dog, gained independence, the fun of benefits and me finding out about me. So over the next few days there will be a fair few updates, some will be archived depending I when they occurred, so have a good look around.
09
Aug 2013
Employment and support allowance
Having suffered with my employer and my depression caused by my continued battle with getting to grips with my deteriorating eye condition and having to learn to use a new form of accessible software that I didn’t feel ready for, I had been on long term sick leave since October 2012. In February this year, after a lot of thinking, adjustments and not very successful adjustments, I was let go from my position on medical grounds.
This did not in fact cause me any great upset, as I had come to the conclusion that my current role was not the one for me.
It was the thought of accepting my eye condition and applying for the government benefit, for people like me who are unable to work…. Employment and Support allowance, often referred to as ESA. Read more
11
Jun 2013
Feeling Isolated, yet surrounded by others.
Although I am a VIP, I pride myself on being independent and when I am within environments that I know or at least understand I am able to achieve this.
But move me away from my comforts and I struggle. I have often linked asking for help and needing support as a weakness and laughed it of as me being silly not being able to do things because of my eye condition.
After all, lazy, I don’t like to just sit back and get others to do things for me while I am able to do it for myself.
A recent bought of bad health has seen me admitted to hospital. Which I am sure you will agree without adding in my eye condition is quite a daunting and scary thing.
But starting with the travel in the ambulance to get here, to moving from emergency medicine, to medical assessment to the current ward, I am feeling very low and lost.
The ambulance crew were fantastic, very descriptive and explained what they were doing and even where we were on our journey especially when we were travelling down the corkscrew of a slip road off of the motorway, which whil laying down and travelling backwards felt like a roller coaster ride!
Emergency medicine was very busy and nurses and doctors were rushing everywhere, I was really looked after and treated brilliantly, every time a nurse came passed my bed they asked if I needed help to get to the bathroom as they were all aware of my sight or lack of it.
Following hospital guidelines on time etc ( the politics of the nhs) I was moved to a medical assessment unit for further looking at. The handover on this ward was detailed about my eye condition, but sadly not passed over clearly to the next staff that took over, so having buzzed for assistance to go to the bathroom I was advised that if I couldn’t walk I was to use a commode…. So I corrected them that I was able to walk, but couldn’t see, which she argued over as I wore glasses, surely I knew where the bathroom was (don’t worry, the compaint went straight in to the staff the next day and the bed allocator who spoke with me about my preferences before I moved to the ward I am on now)
The porter that took me between the two wards was unaware and grumpy that she had been apparently stood by the side of my bed being ignored for 5 minutes, so she got a firm explanation of my eye condition and how it was polite to make people aware of her presence!
The ward I am on now was not able to accommodate me in, but I was given the next best thing. The ward I Amon with just 3 other ladies has a bathroom directly opposite me. The layout of the room was thoroughly explained as was the location of the bathroom, the rails and most importantly the help call buttons.
The odd slip up with cleaners moving my table or my glass from one end to the other has occurred, but the ladies on my ward have helped greatly, although immobile they have always explained the new location of the table or the glass perfectly. Just this morning they advised me of a wet floor sign just at the side of my bed that I would have kicked into.
Hospitals are not my favourite place and I know how busy the staff are, so hate to feel that I am making a nuisance of myself when taking up their time with silly little things.
The reaso sharing this with you is because, just this morning I had a great chat with the nurse. I explained my condition, my worries and had a really good chat, she then helped me sort out my clothes within the locker so I would find things easier. She briefed her staff about me and even got one of the assistants to help me plait my hair to cheer me up. She told me that all of the things I needed, whether that was medication or being told where food was on my plate wa all part of my care, nothing silly, nothing was because I was being stupid. She said that she would expect everyone on the ward to receive the care that they required with all of their needs, not just the medical issue that had bought them into hospital.
