Tag Archive for independence
The end of a (half) Era
Today is one filled with mixed emotions, concerns and thoughts. Today, 18th January 2015 is the last working day for my guide dog Vicky. We have been working together as a qualified team since 18th November 2009, and it has been an amazing 5 years and 2 month.
I maybe should have warned you that this post will probably get soppy and definitely be emotion (for me at the very least). Anyone who has had a pet dog will tell you, a dog is more than ‘just a dog’ they are a companion, a confident and a loyal friend: Then add to that a dog that works for you, a guide dog (or other working dog) and the level of support, trust and love you feel for them increased even further.
Add to the mix, that Vicky is my FIRST guide dog and all of the changes she has allowed me to bring about, along with all of the changes I have had no control over that she has helped me to overcome, even when it felt like I was fading. And it has been an amazing time together.
Before she arrived I was highly dependant on family and friends, I found myself disappearing into myself after my eye condition was finally diagnosed in 2008, the thought of my sight going completely and leaving me blind, unable to watch my daughter grow up, marry, have children of her own, along with no longer being able to earn money to pay for the things she needed and wanted. The question of if my partner would be happy to stay with me, ultimately becoming my carer… All fears of my future.
Which were all quashed with the increasing bond between me and Vicky, with the feeling of independence that she gave me, the feeling of being safe, even on a tube in the middle of London. And as well as guiding me and making me feel safe, she listened, she loved and she showed no judgement.
She gave me so much more than what was on her job specification. She gave me back me, but not the me that was there before. She gave me a stronger, altered version of me. She can’t change how my eyes deteriorate but she has changed the way I think of the future.
She enabled me to feel safe while I carried my son in my belly, she enabled me to take my daughter to pre-school on my own. She allowed me to feel I could be more, do more and even helped me quash my fear of being in a relationship where the role of carer overtook the role of lover. She even gave me the strength (indirectly) to walk away when my relationship failed.
Now that both my children are now at school and my previous career has come to an end, my priorities have changed. My sight is such that I tire from using my eyes, using a computer, reading and concentrating cause pain and exhaustion. With eye strain a daily accurance, I know that I can reduce my stresses by making the changes I have, I no longer have to ‘waste’ my sight while walking in the street or taking the children to school, Vicky gets me there safely, regardless of a rough wheelie bin, dumped child’s bike or even a car parking on the pavement. I can prioritise my sight to sit reading with both my children after school, helping with homework and even cooking dinner (with the help of a few cheats, like pre-cut veg or meat)
If someone had said that having a guide dog would enable me to be a single parent and help my children with their homework I would have thought they were crazy, but that is what she has done.
She has enabled me to live, rather than just exist.
Vicky came into my life to guide me, she came to me as a mobility aid, just like a long cane. But a mobility aid with a brain. I can never ever repay her for everything else.
Vicky will have a forever home with me and the children, she will get to put her paws up and enjoy the peace and quiet, the lead walks where she can finally stop to smell who has wee’d on the gate post! Free-run more with the other dogs in the park… And generally get to be more dog.
My new guide dog, Fizz will replace Vicky as a guide dog, she will take on the role of being my leading lady, but she will never replace Vicky.
In fact, she has some rather big paws to fill. I still have plenty of room to grow, my eye sight will continue to deteriate and only time will tell how Fizz will help with all of these things.
Fizz is different to Vicky, not just in breed (although also black) she is a faster girl than Vicky now is, she has a bit of a cheeky personality and we both have a lot to learn about each other. We will do this, it will take time, but I am sure she will be a great addition to our home and my independance.
So watch this space for updates on our training journey and Tales from Vicky’s time as a retired pup.
The Awards
Today is the day when Adrian Chiles, Joey Essex & many more British celebs get to meet with my gorgeous guiding girl Vicky Osborne. Tonight we join other wonderful guide dog partnerships, volunteers and staff to celebrate their achievements. In addition to the achievement that all 45,000 partnerships & 4,000 pups in training will have. To some, “they are just dogs” but to me and other GDO’s they are our independence, our guides, our eyes.
I for one as a VIP, would not even consider the train & tube journey to London today. But as a team, together, me & Vicky will fathom out Victoria station some how. And regardless of the results of tonight’s awards, she is my guiding girl, without whom I wouldn’t be half the gal I am today.
10.39
Warm, almost empty train… And off we go!!!
Whether it is a blind persons thing or any traveller. My bag has been checked, checked and checked again for travel cards, purse, headphones and phone….. Then the case, for dog food, bed, bowl and finally phone charger!
So, one final check for my travel card & off we go…… Eek !!!
12.45
I haven’t travelled to London Victoria train station since I was a very small child, it seems just as big and scary a place now as it did then. I have the time of the next tube to get me to Kings Cross, but as the tubes run every few minutes and I am in now hurry. I set Vicky out to “find coffee”. Where she weaves me through crowds and shoppers to Starbucks. Such a refreshing break and decent coffee to plan how and what to do next.
First order on the agenda, loo for me, grass for Vicky!
Then off to Victoria Underground we go.
With the help of the underground staff and a turned off escalator we made it to our tube and along to Kings Cross.
Vicky was in her element with the crowds, tourists not knowing where they were or where they were going, she guided like a dream.
If only she could read street signs and it would have been an easy trip from the underground to the hotel.
As I have said before, I rely on maps on my phone, 3G signal was good, head phones were in one ear and I was ready to go….. GPS however had other ideas.
London Kings Cross area is surrounded in its fair share of tall buildings. St Pancras International being one, The British Library, then there is the clock tower at Kings Cross, the office buildings, the hotels and the apartments.
It was at this point I discovered that high/tall buildings and GPS don’t mix!
But then, one thing you can be almost certain of in London is a police man or 3… All of whom were willing to walk me the 5 minutes to the hotel. They appeared most put out when I said directions would do! So a quick ruffle of Vicky’s head and off we went.
The directions were spot on, but the guide dog sense was even better…. The arrival of not 1 but 7 guide dog puppies as we were on the approach to the hotel symbolised that we were in the right place, and Miss Vicky’s wage to revert to her (never-forgotten) puppy years was growing by the second.
The hotel was simple, clean and absolutely perfect for a vip like me, no fuss, no frills and no silly unnecessarily placed furniture. We checked in, put the tele on promptly fell asleep !!
Eek….. Waking with just an hour to go before set off for the dinner, I laid out my clothes. Only to discover that I had not packed my tights….. Double eek.
So, on went the harness and off we rushed back down the road to Kings Cross to find a chemist, easy enough surely? Ummm Nope!!
We made it to the chemist, we located the assistant and got the tights. Then upon leaving, the reality of it hit me. The light was going down, I was in London, not entirely sure of which street I had to take for the hotel and I only had 45 minutes to get back, shower and change before te coach left.
This was where Vicky came into her own. She seems to know what I wanted and where it was. So with a great tension on the harness I let her lead the way, through the crowds rushing in and out of the tube station, patiently waiting for the beep of the crossing despite others rushing through the traffic built up. We were off and in less than 8 minutes we were back at the hotel.
Quickest shower, hair dry and dress I have ever performed.
Quick brush of Vicky….. And we were ready !!
The only bonus of this mad panic was that the nerves I had been feeling all day had gone, I didn’t have the time to remember them. Thank goodness!
5.25pm
The coach is heading through bright coloured streets, flashes of Christmas decorations, The London Eye (I overheard someone say behind me say). Then we were at the Hilton. THE HILTON. The Christmas tree in reception was huge, thinking colours and lights. Guests were wandering around. People crowded around people asking for photos and autographs, while I found myself amongst the crowd, feeling the loneliest I have felt in a very long time. Oh, so very very alone.
A member of the guide dog team came into me, introduced themselves and offered me their arm. I was guided to the lift, up several floors and into an area with a coat check. Coat checked in, then the arm was offers again and I was walked into a large ball room, handed a glass of fizz and introduced to people who’s names I didn’t recognise and faces I couldn’t see.
It was a whirlwind of introductions, explanations of why I was there, what type of dog Vicky was and warm wishes of ‘good luck’ before being walked through to the main event. The stage was set with bright white Christmas trees, the room had a blue ice illumination to it and the tables were set with far too much cutlery and a very heavy, thick white table cloth.
The feeling of loneliness and dread filled me again, I felt myself beginning to feel anxious and clammy. That was when I found a trustee for guide dogs by my side pouring me a glass of water and reassuring me that they were there to help, with anything I should need.
I welcomed the water, quenching a thirst I wasn’t even aware of and then he offered to pour me a wine, white or red? Or both? I said I would never be able to see the white, so best make it a red.
And the rest of the evening was a whirlwind of fundraising, silly entertainment, singers and then …. The awards.
The first award was for an individual or group that had supported guide dogs, I don’t remember the name of the award. Because it was the moment I realised that Vicky wasn’t the winner of her category.
How did I know you ask?
It was simple, the winner of the first award had a short video all about what they’d had done.
I hadn’t done any video recordings.
I was gutted, so very very gutted.
Creative SparKs are Flying
Although I am only just writing about this, the things I am about to share with you actually started just over 18 months ago. But it has taken this time to get the project to where it needs to be.
A friend of mine is a magician, children’s’ entertainer and balloon artist. A role that he has played out for many years before I even knew him. Many of his clients and party gig’s he got through word of mouth and his website and business card. Both of which he admitted didn’t show his true personality.
He is known in the business as sparkey….. A play on his main profession and surname, but with no definition between the two parts.
He mentioned that he was trying to redesign his image and website, to enable him to move forward in his role. This is where my creative brain kicked in And I asked him if he would mind me having a play around with his ideas.
So, I started with my brief and his name….. And off I went.
First things first, his name….. I wasn’t going to change it, but I did ‘alter’ it a bit.
So sparkey became SparKey.
And the fun really started to begin.
I am not going to bore you all with the sleepless nights and crazy ideas that flowed (due to me suffering with insomnia, not due to the stress of the brief!) But I took the initial idea of a ‘burnt out clown’ and gave him The SparKey personality.
The brief was to work in fun, laughter, magic and balloon modelling into a single character. The balloon magic was a challenge, although it didn’t need to have been, I was missing one key feature of the package. SparKey always made and wore a 3 coloured balloon made top-hat.
The magic was simple with a traditional black and white magic wand.
The fun came in the form of 3 iconic metallic green juggling clubs that SparKey used within many of his shows from the very beginning.
The fun, from his oversized green and blue clown shoes.
But how to portray the laughter?
That took more work, that took many a drawing being scrunched up on the kitchen floor, over flowing the waste paper basket at the kitchen table. It turned me into, what to appear to others, unaware of the project….. A First Class Stalker.
Several hundred photographs, videos and observations of the man behind SparKey.
As the time went on, my sight went away. Graphics was part of my degree, part of my soul and a brief like this wouldn’t have taken me a quarter of the time before. This with it, bought its own demons, its own dark moments and at the same time, its own moments of creativity that may not have come, had the brief been completed in a quicker time.
One part of the design was really challenging, it was the key to bringing the whole design and character together. It was the laughter, the smile, the energy that came through from the man behind the costume that was SparKey.
At one point, I struggled to distinguish shadows and laughter lines on his face, so I even spent time, feeling his face. Touching his mouth and sketching as I felt the ever so slight small lines that made the smile. The smile that made SparKey the character come to life and also the smile, that on many a draft occasion made the character look more like a psychopath than a childrens’ entertainer!
Tweaks and re-draws filled yet more waste paper baskets. Colours and rendering took time. Then, just before Christmas 2013 SparKey was born, he wasn’t perfect…. But that was part of his charm, part of his fun and part of the cheeky personality of the man that lay behind the image.
The man that is Simon Key. A.K.A SparKey.
Then came the colour and the logo to match.
All in all not bad for a VIP like me !!!
The images above are the ‘computer tweaked’ images of my hand drawings. That have now been formed to make SparKey’s business cards and website. A website that you can find at www.thesparkeyshow.co.uk
(copyright 2014)
Fabulous Five Years
Today marks Five Fabulous Years since I was signed off as having qualified with Vicky, my guide dog. In that time, she has given me so very much, at a time of sadness, sorrow and increasing darkness, she has given me love, support, companionship and above all else….. Independance.
Without her guid are readding ing me, protecting me, showing me the way, I honestly feel that the darkness would have taken over, and it is propable that I may not even be here today to tell you these tales.
I know you, you are reading this thinking “she has sightloss, its not terminal.” Which yes is true, but with my sightloss, came depression. And if not treated, it can become all consuming and that can be a terminal illness.
I’m not here to talk of that though, I am here to talk about how much I have gotten from my gorgeous guiding girl.
She is a dog, YES. But actually, she is a walking, breathing, living mobility aid.
Without her by my side, I wouldn’t be leaving the house. I wuldn’t be able to take the kids to the park, I most deinately wouldn’t be contemplating returning to Uni next year.
As my guideing star, a friend has nominated Vicky for an award with Guide Dogs. She is in the final 3 for the ‘life changing award’ to be decided at the annal Guide Dog Gala Dinner, to be held in December in London.
Me and Vicky have been invited to the awards ceremony, which if she wins her catagory, she will also be put forward to be crowed as Guide Dog of the Year.
I am very excited, to win this award wold be fabulous recognition of all that she has done for me. I already know all of this, so if the judges don’t pick her, it won’t change my ove for her and my appreciation for having her by my side for the past five years.
Its almost time to climb a Gherkin
Having started rock climbing earlier this year, I have found a real passion for it. I am always after a challenge though, so thought to myself “Why not bring the two together?” So, I decided that my challange for 2014 would raise money and awareness for Open Sight, a Hampshire based charity that has helped me so much within my sight loss journey, that I want to give something back.
So, a climbing challange it was to be. Simon too needed to agree as I can’t climb alone. He has on occasions climbed wearing a blindfold, so that he can understand how I climb, so he agreed that any challange we took on, he would ‘equal the score’ by wearing a blindfold. He has many many years of climbing with challanging himself to reach a higher grade, he agreed that he too needed the challange, so he suggested the blindfold.
The type of challange was decided, the who was involved was decided. Now to decide the distance…..
Something BIG. Something ICONIC. Something even those with no sight could understand its SCALE.
IT HAD TO BE A SKYSCRAPER !!
The Shard in London was suggested, but at 310m (or there abouts) it was too big. A buiding that comes in at just under half its size came in as a suggestion. The Gherkin, named as such for its fully glazed exterior and dome shaped top resembling that of the pickled vegetable.
It measures 180m or 510ft in old money. As the building is completely glazed it isn’t physically possible to ACTUALLY climb it. So, between me and Simon, we will climb the equivalent distance of it at Calshot Climbing wall.
Me with my limited vision and Simon wearing his blindfold.
I think he is beginning to regret that decision, as he is probably now facing a larger challenge than me!
So, now for the ‘over to you’ part of this post.
This is a personal challenge for both me and Simon, but in doing this we wish to raise money and awareness for a great charity Open Sight…. We can do the climb (I hope) but we can’t raise the money without your help.
Please support us via our Just Giving Page www.justgiving.com/gherkinblindclimb or click the button below.
