Tag Archive for guide dogs

The 1st of the withouts

Yesterday marked the beginning of it.

Today compounded it even more.

What am I talking about?

I am talking about events and celbratitions about my first leading lady, the ‘original guiding girl’ Vicky.

On 15th October 2009 I met her for the very first time, she came with my GDMI Caroline to see if she could be the dog for me.  And it wasn’t known to me at the time, but today 16th October is her birthday; or rather WAS her birthday.

And as such today is the first time since she came into my life that she hasn’t been with me to celebrate this day.

Good Olde Facebook has reminded me of today with lots of photographs and happy memories.

And it is some of those I feel I would share with you in this post.

Vicky gave me so much and it is about remembering her today; not being sad that she is no longer here, rather be grateful that she came into my life.  Photgraph shows black flat tie x lab dog sat with a grey hat and scalf in front of a red sofa

Photograph shows Guide dog Vicky sat in harness in the lounge in front of the sofa, she is wearing a smile on her face.

 


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Gosh, four years since The Gherkin

Photograph of The Gherkin building behind a church with the side of The Cheesegraer on the very left of the photo

Its hard to believe that Monday this week marked four years since I took on my first challenge….. The challenge to climb The Gherkin.

A challenge that took a twist when my CPiC and I decided rather than to climb the height between us, we would climb the height each.

All 180m.

For me, ‘The Gherkin’ was to prove (mostly to myself) that I could undertake that level of endurance.  For Simon it was a slightly different challenge; for him it was about climbing blindfolded.

A challenge that together, we improved upon in May 2017 when we chose another iconic and interestingly nicknamed building of London’s skyline when we set about the challenge of scaling all 225m of ‘The Cheesegrater.

So….. 180m up a gherkin, 224m up a cheesegrater.

What number could possibly come next?

Can you keep a secret?

What if I told you the number involved was 270?

What would your thoughts be?

I can also tell you that the next challenge WON’T be a climb.  However, it will very much involve LONDON.

 


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GETTING MY GEEK ON in Glasgow

Photograph of my gold Starbucks travel mug with the guide book to The Glasgow Science Centre with the SEC Armadillo building behind across the river Clyde.

Continued from … Welcome to Glasgow

After a relaxed evening in the hotel which included a Tai Chi class, a swim and a sauna before a gorgeous dinner, on Wednesday morninf I decided to visit The Glasgow Science Centre before embarking on another train journey deeper into Scotland (you’ll have to read on to find out where)

The Science Centre and adjoining iMax cinema were architecturally interesting buildings even before I walked through the doors.

 

Photograph shows a round ball like building on the left which is Glasgow IMAX with a large screen on the right of the photograph, with a small green area in front of it

Photograph is taken of the rear of the IMAX building where Starbucks sits amongst a glass wall sat beside part of an old dock areaPhotograph of the entrance to The Glasgow Science Museum, shoring what looks like the top half of a letter C shaped building, the glass front of the building sat to the right of the large screen

These building were custom built for purpose and opened to the public in June 2001, with a titanium clad exterior the Science Centre (science mall) with its crescent shaped glazing enables it along with the neighbouring imax to ‘blend in’ with the often grey overcast skies of Glasgow while offering a reflection from the river Clyde.

Set over three floors and including a planetarium and many interactive work station I could understand how it had gained its reputation and place on trip advisor as a ‘MUST SEE’ even though it was a pay for attraction (which many museums are not)

I fell in love with each and every floor.

Although I struggled with a few small issues (like no large print or alternative format maps or voice information on the lifts) I did find a very helpful member of staff who explained the floor levels to me and even explained where the stairs were as they were tucked away as the main traffic was directed towards the large lifts.

One perminant exhibit that I was interested in was ‘A Question of Perception’ that looked at optical illusions, the science behind it and how the human brain helps with this.  In addition to the illusions, I watched the cctv monitors for the centres own ‘wacky salon’ (you can find a video for this on YouTube, but as it is not accessible I have decided against sharing it here)

With interactive exhibitions across the whole centre, including a wonderful planetarium I enjoyed a good couple of hours here and took hundreds of photographs of the different exhibits, of which I will share just one with you.  This is of the ‘perfect triangle’ which from the angle of my photograph looks far from perfect.

Photograph of tabary - A mind blowing sculpture of a three part solid triangle, which is in fact an optical illusion and it is only when you get to within 2 foot of it that you see the sculpture is actulay 3 separate solid four sided rectangular, not actually a triangle at all.

However, too soon it was time for me to go, popping back to the hotel to collect my bags and head off for another train journey.

A train journey that saw me travelling from Exhibition Road to Glasgow Central, to hop on the shuttle bus to Glasgow Queen Street before boarding a train to Perth, where I would then change again (after a quick ‘wee stop’ for Fizz) to travel onto Pitlochry.

A place that could not be further from the hustle and bustle of Glasgow, with a population of just over 2,500 in comparison Glasgows 500,000….. It was a place I really couldn’t wait to escape to.

To be continued…….


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HOO18 – Where Fizz got invested as a Cub Scout

Photo shows Fizz with her necked on and her left paw being held by the GSL as he said the Cub Scout promise

This past 5 days I have been wearing my scouting volunteer hat and been camping just outside Wareham with roughly 3,000 children and leaders for the Big Hampshire Event HOO18 which saw beavers, cubs, scouts and explorers from across the county come together to undertake a ‘Monster’ themed camp.

I volunteer within 1st Locks Heath Cubs and it was with my 1st Locks Heath Volunteer family that we had a ‘mini-camp’ within the bigger event.  We had cubs & scouts for most of the week and the smaller Beavers came for a sleep over and a day of activities too.  But we were contained within our own little area;  it is this one little detail that enabled me to go, to join in, to support and to enjoy 5 days and 4 nights at such an amazing event.

With the glorious weather we have been having it was only reasonable that we should arrive in rain on Sunday!  In fact, we had an impromptu stop at Nordon Mines because those leaders and support who had camped out on Saturday night had had to re-build part of our camp after strong winds brought some of it down.

Traveling with Fizz, I went in convoy with a fellow cub leader while the others were transported via minibuses.  When we did arrive to camp it was then that I was to set about pitching my tent. (Something I have done a few times now as you can see in A whole other challenge  ) only this time it was in the rain!

It was actually quite fun.  And having only replaced a dog chewed guy rope the week before I was grateful I had left my groundsheet and inner attached to the outer shell.

With a little help from another cub leader in getting my poles in I was quickly set up.  My tent having side doors was pitched on an angle (one to fit the space and two so the door faced the opposite tents where the children were sleeping) Our ‘mini’ camp was set up with a large marquee and kitchen tent, then children’s tents along one side, with leaders and support along the opposite, with each oth the top tents turned in slightly to create an almost enclosed horseshoe shape.

Each different group had an area like this to set up their own ‘mini’ camp within the camp although layouts varied.

As we had a large canvas marquee with just as large support ropes and guy ropes, an area around the marquee was fenced off with steaks and orange lattice style fencing.  This actually served an alternative purpose, this area gave Fizz an enclosed grass space where she could do her business and I was safe in the knowledge that should i miss picking up if it were dark, no child or fellow adult were going to stand in anything. (As it was she was very clever and kept alll that to daylight hours!)

First item on the agenda for camp is introductions.  We were each introduced to one another (children and adults) and then we went off to explore the bigger site, find our bearings and learn where the all important toilet and shower blocks were.

There was a designated disabled toilet and on our second walk out to if Fizz had it in her mind, knowing where the low tree branches were, where the tree stumps were and even where the boundaries of the camp beside us were.

She was doing so well.  Camp sites are not the easiest to navigate at the best of times; let alone for a guide dog.  A guide dog who is trained to walk on paths, to follow ‘shorelines’ or building lines and to work on clear commands.

I had the clear commands, but there were no buildings as such, I worked her to use the boundary of the camp beside us as a ‘shoreline’ but as for paths ….. It was a large grass field with some gravelled patches and wood chipped paths around the toilets, but very little ‘concrete’

Our ‘shorelines’ only failed when the camp beside us moved their boundaries.  This added to the fact that Fizz quickly came to realise that the camp beside us was one with whom we knew the leaders, we had previously camped out in their hut.  And she soon wanted to take me into their camp rather than around it !!  Teamed with the wonderful food smells that came from their shelter kitchen, I couldn’t completely blame her!

Being such a big camp, the activities were set for us.  There were different ‘zones’ with different activities laid out in each.  These zones were clear and easy to navigate.  The children within the section were sometimes put into teams, sometimes worked in pairs and on other occasions worked alone.  The activities included things like Zip-wire, Go-Ape, Zorbing, Spiderweb-climbing, crazy golf, escape room, dragon boat racing, water slides and even a type of ‘its a knock out’ inflatable arena to name a few.

The only downside was that the activities were for the kids only! I would have loved to have joined in.

As the days went on we moved around different zones, which added a new challenge.

By Tuesday the temperature had risen dramatically, we had erected additional shelters on our camp to ensure everyone had plenty of shade.

This meant Fizz too.

Before heading away I had sought advice from Guide Dogs and with some handy tips and ideas I knew the time had come to leave her ‘benched’ in camp while I used my all-terrain cane to accompany the children and leaders to their activities.

This made the kids laugh, my all-terrain cane has a large red disk on the bottom of a heavier set cane.  This makes it look a bit like a metal detector; but what it means for me is that it will glide effortlessly over rough paving and grass, indicating to me the divots and tree roots, but not getting caught on them.

Unlike Fizz, my cane can only tell me about the ground.  It can not tell me about tree branches and it can’t correct for a group of oncoming children.  So to say I caught a few of those low bracnvhes and bumped some (not many) of the on-coming children would be an understatement.

But this minor inconveniences to me meant that Fizz was safe, she was in shade, had a breeze, plenty of fresh water and no direct sun on her.

The kids within 1st Locks Heath quickly took to ‘looking out’ for me.  My own Pack of cubs were aware of me, but for some of the other groups cubs, beavers, scouts and even some of the leaders I was new and I imagine at times I was also confusing to them.  But without me asking they walked infront of me, they warned me of tree branches and they explained if there were any major tree roots or stumps coming up.  This was a very pleasant surprise to me, it made me feel at ease and as regular readers will know, anxiety goes hand in hand with my sight and hearing loss.

On Wednesday 01.08.2018 at 14:00 as a group we celebrated the 111th anniversary that General Baden-Powell held his first camp for boy scouts on Brownsea Island.  And in the evening at 18:00 we gathered together again as a group and this was when The Group Scout Leader invested Fizz into the Cub pack. Kieth the GSL took Fizz’s left paw in his left hand and read out the promise to her.  He did this with agreement and permission from the County Commisioner and District Commisioner who both believe that this is the 1st ever Guide Dog to be invested into a pack.

As it was felt by all that Fizz was an important part of the team and should be recognised as such.  She was even awarded her own necker, which I am to sew her badges from camp onto.

I managed to keep smiling during the investiture, but when it was over I found myself crying with pride and happiness at the way in which not only Fizz, but also how I had been accepted into the group.

Yes I have been an assistant leader within my Cub pack for just over a year, but I have always felt a little on the outside with regards to the other leaders because of my disabilities. (not intentionally, but just in how there have to be additional measures taken)

I saw a very different side to my fellow leaders and I felt that they respected me for being me and didn’t feel I was a burden to their camp, but rather a benefit. (Given the nature of my sight I am not able to count directly in the ratios for adults to children on camp-so they could have simply left me behind, but my knowledge of the kids, my perseption with the kids was felt to be important, so I was very much included)

The group I went away with made for a great experience.  I have never camped for more than 2 nights together, but barring the odd guy rope incident I managed to survive the 5 nights and 4 days I was away.

Taking my tent back down in glorious summer sun meant I knew it was dry, but it took three times as long to do.  For a tent on a hot day is no place to be; so I took it down in sections.  Resting and rehydrating in between each set.

Other cubs and leaders offered to help me, but I am a creature of habit and like to do things in my own way (but that’s for another blog!)

For now I am feeling tired and I am suffering with eye strain, but at the same time I am feeling happy.  I am finally feeling like part of a scouting family (which so many others talk of)

And I am a very proud guide dog mum.

Photo shows Fizz with her necked on and her left paw being held by the GSL as he said the Cub Scout promise

 

 


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Comfort zones

Prolonged hot weather and guide dogs don’t mix.  So where I have been using my cane for all ‘ESSENTIAL’ journeys and cancelling those I could, the length of this heatwave is getting rediculous now!

I can’t keep cancelling things, I can’t keep letting people down.  I can’t keep letting myself down!

Then a very such event popped up in the diary.  An event that no-one would have judged me for for not attending; but one I really wanted to go to and be part of.  So with some extra planning I didn’t let myself cancel.

I even arranged a ‘puppy sitter’ for my faithful Fizz so she would have company and I could take my time….. Also as this event saw me travelling to London it wouldn’t have been fair on her just having the neighbour pop in every few hours.

Yup, you read that right…. I went to London; more so I went to London dogless!

The event was facilitating and supporting route setting for an informal para-comp being hosted by VauxWall Bouldering Centre and Paraclimbing London.

The wall wanted to run the competition to enable abled bodied, non-sensory-Impaired climbers to gain an understanding of how someone could climb with differing abilities.  The competition was also set up so that those with impairments could try out bouldering or improve on what they were already doing.

Being a very hot day meant that London would feel EVEN HOTTER to an outsider like me.  The event was also set to take place on the very same day that The Gay Pride Parade marched on London; and if that’s wasn’t enough, it was also the day that the England Football team got into the Quarter Finals of the World Cup for the first time in decades!

So, as the title suggests ….. Who needs a comfort zone anyway?

Maybe it was the heat beginning to take its toll.  Maybe it was the chance to climb.  Maybe it was simply the fact that I felt I needed to prove to MYSELF that I could do this….. Who knows.

Anyway,  train ticket bought, journey planned and even altered so I didn’t have to tube through London with my cane. (Vauxhall is just one change at Clapham Junction-a station I have regularly used) and I even (virtually) walked the route from the station to Starbucks and then onto VauxWall via Google Streetview.

I planned to arrive early, sadly delays due to network rail engineering works and cancelled trains changed that for me.  However it did mean that I arrived ON TIME!

Selfie photograph of me sat inside VauxWall with people climbing behind me and the signage for VauxWall behind me

The climbing was great fun, even though I sustained an injury to my left hip and right knee.  Paraclimbing London and VauxWall had a brilliant turn out (despite the weather, pride and football) And I found myself only leaving 30 minutes before I had originally planned; in case there were similar issues on the way home.

It wasn’t easy to navigate major (or even minor) railway stations with my cane.  It wasn’t easy navigating where the door to Starbucks was and it most certainly wasn’t easy to navigate finding a seat (or even assistance) on the train.

But I did do it.

Big tick to me.

Although I wouldn’t do it again out of choice!

Its good to challenge yourself some times, it’s good to know that barring the odd ‘rib-jab’ my cane akills are still pretty good.

 

Panoramic photograph of the room hosting the competition in VauxWall with people stood around and some climbing


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The day I brought my cane

“Stepping through the door like a troubadour
Whiling just an hour away
Looking at the trees on the roadside
Feeling it’s a holiday
You and I should ride the coast
And wind up in our favourite coats just miles away
Roll a number, write another song
Like Jimmy heard the day he caught the train.”
On this beautiful sunny summers day I couldn’t resist the play on words!
But with this beautiful weather and scorching temperatures come one very sad moment.  And that is that for me to go out during the peak part of the day, my faithful hound Fizz must stay behind.
It isn’t because she is a black dog, it is simply just because she is a dog. And as such can only reduce her body temperature through panting.  She would also be walking bare foot on pavements that have been heated by the sun, which could cause blisters on her paws.
So for me, it is back to my (not so faithful) long cane.  With its red and white strips it was recently likened to a barbershop candy striped cane!!
As a guide dog owner it is important to keep up my cane skills for very such occasions……. But it doesn’t mean that I enjoy this time at all; not one little bit.
Bright sunshine, blue skies and long canes (for me) do not mix well.  I find myself scanning with my residual sight, apologising to shadows and generally find myself more exhausted by the whole experience.
I can’t however cancel all plans and stay home.  I am however limited to how far I can go as Fizz is home I need to ensure I don’t leave her alone too long either.
It is a balancing act and in one way I am grateful that I can still keep my essential independence because of my long cane skills, but in another way I will be much happier when the weather cools a little.

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Days like today…….

I have a ‘Have Guide Dog, will travel’ attitude to life, today I decided in the sun to visit Winchester (alone) something I don’t think I will be in a hurry to repeat.

The rudeness, the sly comments & general ‘opinions’ that were continually thrust upon me resulted in a very short visit.

I am more than happy to accept and I do understand that not everyone likes dogs, be that an assistance dog or  a pet.

I do understand that in some cultures dogs are not warmly accepted. But today the comments or actions of rudeness did not come from the here.

Today it came from,

A business woman looking down on her phone;

The art student with a VERY LARGE portfolio;

The man in the queue in Starbucks;

The woman behind me in boots who tutted at me when I asked the sales assistant to repeat herself for the 3rd time because I couldn’t hear her;

The van driver who got shirty when I waved him on because I wouldn’t cross in-front of him.

Were it not for the kindness of strangers I would have found myself fighting tears & heading for the nearest taxi.

it was thanks to ….

The window cleaner who moved his ladder so I would walk past;

Theassistant in Starbucks who offered me water for Fizz while pointing out to the rude man that assistance dog or not I had every right to enjoy coffee;

To the sales assistant in boots who guided me to a quieter area so I could hear what she was saying!

I know that I may stand in the wrong queue at times, I know that my guide dog likes to walk by the building line, which means we often walk right in front of the shop doors, I do understand that I take up more width on the pavement as I walk beside my guide, and she can’t tell me to “step in” the way a sighted person would if the path was narrow.

But at what point does vocalising your opinions change this? All it does is demoralises someone who just wants to get on.  And could even stop a (less stubborn) person from going out and visiting other areas.

Today has been one of those days where I have felt isolated and hurt by the actions of others.  But writing this now I am able to say that I won’t let it stop me, I share this with you now to raise awareness.

Because it can often be the ‘off-handed’ comment that you quickly forget making that can cause irreparable damage to someone.  We never know what demons people are fighting; so just be kind.

It really is THAT simple.


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Overheard in Costa (other coffee shops are available)

 “you can tell your teacher tomorrow how you saw a guide dog being trained, that is a very special dog and once that lady has trained him he will look after a blind person.”

“Mummy isn’t that lady blind?”

“No darling that lady isn’t blind, she wouldn’t be out on her own in coffee shops if she was!”

This whole conversation tickled me and I shared it with my friends on Facebook.

I would usually correct the mum, but on this occasion I wasn’t feeling myself so didn’t.

For which I am now kicking myself; I also find myself asking

“Why can’t a guide dog user go into a coffee shop alone?”


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Didn’t you see it?

There is nothing like a GDRI (Guide Dog Related Injury) to wake you up on a chilly winters morning.  Although in fairness, this wasn’t Fizz’s fault at all.

After the school run we were heading over to catch a bus, but as the weather was bright (although chilly) I had decided we would walk the 20 odd minutes to a stop further away.

A stop that saw us having to walk through a lovely park area that Fizz often gets to run around in.

So I knew her distraction level would be heightened.  But this I could manage; I could even handle the other free running dogs coming over to say hello.

Afterall, I didn’t expect them to understand it when their owners were shouting

“Leave, that’s a working dog!”

So, with her harness in my left hand (as usual) and the lead in my right; we navigated through the park.

Several Dogs; ignoring their owners pleas came to say hello.  But with a strong

“Leave it, walk on”

Fizz ignored them for the most part….

That was until we met a tiny dog.  I say tiny as Fizz had to put her head down some way to sniff (which I could feel through the harness)

I could hear the owners pleas, but they were some way away, so continued with our walk and giving Fizz the command to go on.

But she wouldn’t.

I thought this was just down to the distraction of the dog, so persevered and finally got her to move forward.

And that was when it happened….

I fell forward, landing full pelt onto my hands and knees

When the owner appeared beside me and uttered those words

”Didn’t you see the lead?”

Suprisingly, NO!

It would appear that said small dog ‘Rouge’ was on an EXTREMELY long lead type rope, which the owner used as she (Rouge, not the owner) was so small she would get lost if not attached!

I asked the owner why she hadn’t used the leader to get her dog out of the way and her reply made me laugh

”She may be small, but she is very strong and I can pull and pull on her lead, but she just won’t be moved.”

To give you an idea, this dog was chihuahua sized, but with long hair.  Personally I thought she looked like the sort of dog that would blow away if the wind was more than a gentle breeze!

But I kept my comments to myself, picked myself up and making sure the dog wasn’t in front of me, continued on with our walk.

I know that walking through the park can be a distraction for Fizz and I also know that dogs will be running free and want to say hello.  What occurred today left me winded!  And if I am honest, a little upset.  I received no apology; or worse still, no help from the other dog owner.

But it has reminded me that Fizz May be surrounded by distraction, but she still knew what was best for me!  Something I don’t give her credit for enough……… Lesson Learned!


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Sleep tight baby girl

This post has taken me several weeks to write and I must warn you that it may cause you upset, tears are most certainly in my eyes as I type this.  But they are tears of great memories, of funny stories and of achievements.

On January 2nd, after a struggle with an illness I said goodbye to my original guiding girl; my first guide dog Vicky.

Three years ago today (19.01.15) Vicky wore her guide dog harness for the final time.  She walked beside me as I took the children to school in the morning.  We took a longer walk home that day.  She then sat wondering what I was upto when I took this photograph of her sat in the lounge wearing her harness.Photograph shows Guide dog Vicky sat in harness in the lounge in front of the sofa, she is wearing a smile on her face.

And the reason for this final photograph?  It was because in less than 30 minutes a GDMI (guide dog mobility instructor) would be coming to start my training with a new guide dog, my second leading lady Fizz.

I wrote about all that she had enabled me to do in The end of a (half) Era

When Vicky retired it was agreed that she would enjoy her retirement at home with me and the children, the home that she had moved into in 2009.  The home that she had been such an import part of and had help to instigate so many changes within.

Most of all (among others) when she guided me both literally and metaphorically through my pregnancy with my son.  When she ensured that both of us were safe while he was inside my tummy and while I carried him in his carrier.  She had also allowed me to go out and spend time with my daughter (who was just 4 1/2 yo when Vicky arrived)  So it goes without saying that she had captured an extra special part of my heart, that no other guide dog would be able to replace.

As my first guide dog, working with Vicky was scary.  But also exhilarating!!

When I applied for her in 2008 my list of ‘wants’ was to be able to go to the local shops alone, to take my daughter safely to pre-school (and then school) and to be able to go back to getting the bus to work and being able to not have to rely on someone to drive me.

When ‘murmurs’ of Vicky retiring began in 2013 my list of ‘wants’ was so very different.

Althoigh I no longer, I now had a son.  I now went horse riding.  I now volunteered with various charities and had such a busy schedule between the children, volunteering and hobbies that it took 16 months to find a guide dog that could follow in the huge paw prints that Vicky had set out.

It was also at this time when I started training with Fizz that I discovered just how much Vicky had had me wrapped around her dew claw!

I had thought it was ‘usual’ to work in circular routes, not being able to just turn around and walk back the way we had come (in the supermarket for example) like when we had walked upto school, which was LITERALLY in the road next to the house, we had to walk up on one side of the road and back down on the other!

It was when training with Fizz I discovered that this was a ‘retriever trait’ and one that I had been allowing Vicky to get away with.

Anyway….. I digress …….

In September last year Vicky had a cyst removed from her hip, it was nothing of any consequence, it had just been a source of discomfort.  So just weeks after when I noticed a lump on her side I took her straight back to the vets.

They weren’t overly concern.  She had just turned 12 yo and when tested with a needle prick the results showed it was a fatty lump.

So, with the agreement of both the vet and guide dogs we would watch and measure the lump.

In November Vicky went off her food, the lump was measured and there was  a sizeable change in it.  Vicky was put on pain medication and further tests were agreed.

When I took Vicky in Forbes her X-rays in early December it was felt that actually she would benefit from specialist investigations that my vet could not offer.

Vicky was starting get tired.  She was beginning to show her struggle.  She was still very playful at home with Fizz, but our walks had become considerably shorter.

She was noticeably loosing weight and her coat was loosing its gleaming shine.

Her pain medication was increased and every hope was placed on her appointment with the specialist.

That was until she took a turn on New Year’s Day.  It was heartbreakingly to watch her.  The vets were brilliantly though. They put her on a drip and made her comfortable.  They even managed to change her visit to the specialist.

So after staying with them overnight I was amazed to see a much brighter bouncy girl bought out to me the following morning.

She was still weak, she was still in pain, but she was also relieved to see me again.

So we went to the specialist.  Where we were joined by GDWO (guidebook dog welfare officer) Vicky was so placid that they were able to X-ray her without sedation.

It wasn’t good news.

Although the X-rays didn’t tell them EXACTLY what was wrong with her, they did tell them enough.

The consultant was so kind.

The GDWO was so kind.

We could investigate more.

We could reduce her pain.

But the one thing we couldn’t do was to stop the end result.

Vicky was 12 yo and as a Flatcoat cross Golden Retriever I already knew she was older than most.

The growth on her chest was too big.  Whether it was a fatty lump or cancer, there was no option to remove it.

The consultant talked about this and that.  I remember asking is guide dogs needed it investigating further (they didn’t)

It was then that I looked down at Vicky.  I had sat down on the floor with her by this point.  I could see the pain in her eyes, I could feel the tension in her body.

Through tears (just like those that are escaping now) I asked the consultant if we could let her go to sleep and take her pain away?

He was amazing.

He told me he would give me time with her and if when he came back it was too soon I was just to tell him to bugger off (his exact words!) and he would give us more time.

The GDWO went to get Vicky a comfy bed as she was laying on a hard floor and kept banging her head each time she lifted it.

The nurses bought a beautiful white fluffy fleecy bed and we got her comfortable on it.

I spoke to her and thanked her.

The consultant came back and I agreed it was time for her to go.

I stayed with her and held her tight.  She was so peaceful, she was no longer in pain…..  But she was gone!

My friend that was with me supported me throughout, even though she too was upset.  The GDWO told me she would stay with Vicky, make sure that she wasn’t left alone and take care of all the paperwork.

It absolutley broke my heart the minute I walked out of that room and typing his now I am feeling that pain all over again.

Vicky was so much, she gave me so much more than I could ever thank her for or repay her for:

She gave me the me that is here today.  There are no words to describe what that is.  I just know that the love I feel for her will never be replaced.

It was agreed that Vicky would be cremated and get to ‘come home’

The GDWO took care of all of this on my behalf.  She even bought Vicky home to me on 10th January.

The house hasn’t been the same.  Fizz hasn’t been the same;  I have sat and cried cuddled into her; I have explained it to her.  I know she is missing her friend.  The whole time Fizz has been with me, she has had Vicky to play with.  And now it is just her…….

Photograph of a pale wooden box with the gold inscription “Vicky” on the top sat on a grey sofa with w small dog bone beside it that was placed there by Fizz the dog who is looking sadly at the bone and the box.

We have plans to take Vicky for her ‘final walk’ and let her go.  Keeping all the memories, the photographs and a few simple keepsakes of her.

Along with the love for her.  And although I love Fizz (and wouldn’t change her for the world) Vicky will always have an extra special place that no other dog or human can ever replace.


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