Tag Archive for Feelings

To blog, or not to blog……. It shouldn’t have ever been a question!

Thankfully I am the thick-skinned stubborn gal I am…. Although even I found myself getting upset by it all.

Those of you who have followed my blog, know that I can be strong and determined in print, where, spoken word may often fail me.

 

This blog isn’t to anger you, it isn’t to slate a company, thankfully it was all due to the opinion of a minority.  My reason for sharing is to give the FULL picture of the whole situation.

And hopefully, a small part of me hopes that this reaches someone who may not have a good understanding of ‘blindness’ – This may help to educate about how ‘off-hand comments’ may have a much greater effect.

How it all started…..    I had a rare Saturday to myself, no plans, no children and as the sun was shining, I was up early and feeling ready to make the most of the day.

So, off to Whiteley I went; it’s not the easiest of places to get to if you don’t drive, but with the sun shining I didn’t mind the 20 minute walk from the station, I also knew that Mizz Fizz would enjoy the long leg stretch.

Being just after 9am when we arrived it was lovely and quiet, perfect for me, it meant I could ‘mooch’ about, take my time and know that it wouldn’t be too busy.

When training with a guide dog, my GDMI explained that shops can be difficult for a guide dog to work, many factors add to this, the smaller spaces, the extra obstacles and mostly ME.  As everyone does, when I shop I am constantly starting and stopping…. That can be a real struggle for a guide dog, so it is advised that if I can (in that I feel safe doing so) I should drop harness and walk with Fizz on her lead.  This means she can relax, not become stressed by the situation and I can take my time.

I went to a shop I LOVE, there is stationary, gifts, nic-nacs and most of all; being a large chain, the layout is pretty much the same whether you’re in a London store or as I was, in Whiteley.

This ‘familiarity’ is a great help to me. So…. In we went and down went the harness.  I was able to use the quietness of the store to focus in on the colourful displays, a member of staff came over to ask if he could be of assistance. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m just having a look around.” Was my polite reply.  And off he went.

I moved around a display and that was when I caught his conversation with his colleague.

And I found myself almost frozen to the spot in shock.  I wanted to run out of the store, but curiosity also made me want to stay and hear it all.

“I have never seen a proper blind person with a guide dog, she can clearly see, she isn’t even using the dog, she’s picking up things and having a good look at them.”

“I think it’s all a con so people can just bring their pet dogs into the shops.”

His colleague was clearly trying to hush him, he was talking in a quieter whisper, but as my eyes fail me, my ears pick up the slack….. Hence how I was able to hear this.

I did move away, to pick up a gift for a friend, I then went up to the counter to pay for my purchases.  I was hoping I would be served by his colleague, but sadly it was not to be.

He made small talk while he served me, asking my plans for the day and such.  It took a lot for me to talk and smile as if I had not heard a thing, but I did.

managed to keep it together until reaching a coffee shop, where I found myself shaken and beginning to feel angry.  Not with his comments, but with my inability to say something, to stand up.

So instead I sat down with a coffee and put the words down in an email.

I was a wreck, so much so I will share with you how personal and detailed I found myself becoming in my email.

 

Please bear with me, it’s quite lengthy !!

Hello.  Allow me to introduce myself, I am a bit of a stationary addict who happens to be visually impaired and relies on my faithful guide dog Fizz to allow me to live my life to the fullest.  Today I visited your Whiteley store to have a good ‘look’ around and pick up some gift wrap.

I was approached by a member of staff and asked if I would like any assistance, I said thanks, but that I was ok for now. He left and returned to his colleague at the counter, I continued to look around he store, when I overheard his conversation.

This caused me great upset, but I am also stubborn and was not going to let it show that I had heard. I purchased some gift wrap and on my receipt the name of my server was *********

I have a visual impairment, but where my eyes fail me, my ears step up, this mixed with it being an incredibly quiet store I heard him speak (even though I think he thought it was a whisper)

He was talking to his colleague about how he felt it was all a con, he had never seen a real blind person in the store with a guide dog, she (me I assume) is looking at things, walking around, she isn’t blind, she just wants to bring her pet dog in.

His colleague did try to quiet him, without luck. And I moved away so that I could hide my upset at his accusations.

I am sat with a coffee and voiceover on my phone typing this email. And still feeling sick, I am not one for confrontation, so am writing this email instead.

I am visually impaired, I am registered as disabled and the class of my registration is ‘severely sight impaired’ I have a condition that I have less than 6% of my vision left, which means I have pretty much no peripheral sight. Today I was wearing glasses, these are just to help reduce the glare from the bright sunny day. The sight I do have left does not enable me to read the top line on the eye chart at the hospital, where I go annually to have my degenerate condition monitored.

I should not need to be explaining any of this to you, yet I am.

In a shop environment I focus in on colour and in a store such as ********** I find the layout with the big tables and shelving units very easy to negotiate, it can be hard in any shop to work a guide dog (this is where I am holding both the lead and the harness) this is as it is usually a narrower space and one that she would struggle with. So I take it slowly and just hold her lead.

I did appreciate the initial offer of help, and many times when help is offered I will accept it, but on a day when it is quiet and I am able to ‘mooch about’ like others I do.

I will not be returning to your Whiteley store. I find it hard that at a time when access for working dogs is not just legislation, but actually forms part of the 2010 law on disability discrimination that someone would feel the need to even question my need for such a mobility aid, all be it a four pawed breathing, thinking mobility aid.

Very few of the 50,000 guide dog owners in the uk have no usable vision, as a person who will one day most likely lose even the little bit I have, I want to be able to keep my independence and freedom. I enjoy shopping and today I have been deeply upset and angered by the conversation and judgemental attitude of your staff.

I would like for a senior member of staff to speak him and make him aware of the impact on his comments. I will be sending a copy of this email to my local guide dog mobility team.

It was very difficult for me to make small talk when he served me, he has completely ruined my experience and made me feel like I don’t have the right to be independent.

I shall now be going home instead of continuing with my day, I will also be reflecting on this incident and when I am not as emotional shall write about it in my blog (address below)

Thank you for taking the time to read my email, I would appreciate hearing an explanation of the situation.

I have removed details of the store and servers name….. The reason for this is because of the response I have had from my email.

The Customer service team promptly replied informing me that my email had been passed to senior staff and that a full investigation would soon be started.  The customer service team reassured me that they were horrified on my behalf for the situation I experienced and wished to ensure that this didn’t happen again to me or any other customer.

I received several emails updating me and then came the one where they asked for my telephone number.  This was so that a company director could call me to ensure that I was ok.

It made me nervous and anxious, but I gave my number and awaited the call.  I have never had this response to a customer complaint before and didn’t know what to expect.

The following day the director called, he was a very kind and friendly gentleman, he apologised profusely on behalf of the company, he explained that is was not the ‘company opinion’ and I did say I was aware that by the tone aid the store staff member that this was clearly HIS opinion.  The director asked me if I would give the combat a second chance? Would I shop in a different one of their stores, he fully understood that I wasn’t happy to return to the store in Whiteley.  He said that he had not as yet spoke  to the staff member, he was awaiting a report by the area manager who would be conducting the investigation personally.

The director didn’t quiz me (which was what I expected) He just kept apologising for the way in which I had been treated.

He thanked me for taking his call and said that I would be updated as and when the investigation was concluded.

His call was followed up by an email for customer service asking for my address, so that a ‘good will’ gift could be sent to me.  I had explained o  the phone, that I didn’t do any of this to get something in return, which the director said he understood, but he appreciated me sharing my experience with him and the company.  Several weeks later an email arrived, (without going into details) stating that following a full and thorough investigation, the appropriate actions had been taken.

AND IT IS FOR THIS FOLLOW UP BY BOTH CUSTOMER SERVICE AND THE COMPANY DIRECTOR THAT I AM NOT NAMING NAMES.

I wanted to share my experience so that others were aware, how an ‘of Han:’ .omment can caus3 great upset to others.

 

What can I say?

So…. Following on from This gal is off to a Gig, I am sure you have all been waiting with great antisipation to hear my update of The O2.  I honestly don’t know what I can say, I was absolutely blown away.

We weren’t in any ‘special’ seating, we were in ZZ and oh my, that may sound terrible, but it was actually brilliant.

We walked in to the arena and our seats were on that very level on the left, no stairs, no panic over how the hell I was going to walk down amongst crowds of people.  All we had to do was shuffle along in front of people who had already taken their seats and we were there.

I was far too nervous to need the loo!  Even with the Vente Starbucks and the best part of 2 bottles of rosé…. I just wanted to watch it.  (I know I mostly listened, but the term ‘watching’ is part of my vocabulary. Just like ‘I’ll see you later’ even though it will be a very long time if ever that I actually SEE them!)

….. I hate those people who go to a gig and then watch it through the tiny screen on their phones, but tonight that was me!  Not for the whole gig, but definitely for the beginning, for the ‘pre show’ sitting down bit.

I wasn’t recording it, I was able to take the odd snap and look at it, the set up was amazing though.

photograph showing the stage, which has a large image of closed eyes, surrounded by a large light framing it.
photograph showing the size of the arena, showing the central stage along with the different levels down from my seat
As my photos show, we were high up, but with the big screen (and the use of my iPhone) where we sat was irrelevant.

Going to the gig was more about the atmosphere, the unexpected and the ‘live-ness’ of it all.

Adele probably has one of the most powerful voices of this age, she knows how to sing… She also knows how to talk to the crowd, in a way that makes you feel that you are at an intimate location, not sat in the O2 with 20,000 plus other people.  I guess being from London herself, she felt more relaxed in her surroundings.  She didn’t just sing though, she performed to the crowd.  Those sat close enough got involved, including two little girls who were 7 and 8.

There were two parts to her ‘stage’   She initially came up out of a box on the centre of the arena before moving to the large stage.  She then moved back to be centre stage, to me a small dot of lights was all that enable me to see this, until she was encased in a curtain…. That was when I got to see her, properly see her.

Photograph of the central stage with Adepe stood in the middle, surrounded by a sheer curtain that is showing her projected onto each of its 4sides
As the photo shows, she is projected up onto each of the four sides, she joked that she shouldn’t spin around, before doing just that…. Because it would make the audience dizzy and feel sick!

The whole event was amazing, the atmosphere was brilliant and when I began to get nervous about leaving, the staff were quickly on hand to help (while also checking out that my cane wasn’t some sort of weapon!)

I am even more excited now about returning next month to see Muse!  This time with Mizz Fizz who will be escorted out of the arena after I have been seated to spend her evening with the management team….. In an ‘almost’ sound proof office!

Perfect vision …. If only in hindsight.

Isn’t it crazy how even to someone with poor eye sight, hindsight has perfect vision?

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Blind doesn’t mean I can’t see

A blurred image of a woman's eyes and the bridge of her nose.

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A simple cold can bring the world down

It’s early January, the weather has beensuprisingly warm and wet, so having a cold is not something of a shock to me.  Its that time of year, it would be more suprising not to get one.

But this is different, this time this is making it a real struggle to get on…… I have plenty of tissues, Vick’s, hot blackcurrant and black tea to keep me going.

This time, the difference isn’t actually the cold, it is how it has affected my hearing, which in turn has made my world incrediby difficult to navigate within.

And if I am being totally honest, it is scaring the …. out of me.  My hearing is my indeoendance, my hearing is my way of ‘seeing’ the world.  My hearing is my escapism over a coffee, I am not currently able to pick up the conversations of strangers, I am struggling enough to pick up the conversation of anyone I am with!

I am feeling pretty lost.

Statistically I am pretty insignificant

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Celebrating 2015 with a Fizz

Just before Christmas I had a call from guide dogs. The one I havd been waiting for for over a year.

“We think we have a match for you”

Excitment, hope, fear and absolute dread were some of the emotions that were stirred up.  An appointment was made and Fizz was due to come out to meet me with Jo the GDMI (guide dog mobility instructor)

Fabulius Fizz……

A beautiful black lab, crossed with a golden retriever…. With the shiniest smoothest coat I have ever known.

She is a speedy little lady, that took my breathe away for the first five minutes of our matching walk, but actually, she wasn’t walking any faster than I used to walk with Vicky five year as ago.  She was very easy to handle and we seemed to soon find a pace that worked well.  She was a little cheeky, paying too much attention to the area where we walked (but only as it was all new to her)

Jo walked behind us with a second lead so that she could take control of needed, but after 15 minutes she removed it, she kept us walking for a further 15 minutes.

Jo thought we were a good match.  Fizz is currently boarding (a foster home for guide dogs) with a family that are manic and the children are around the same age as my pair, she has settled well there having previously worked for a short time with a partner that decided for whatever reason, they didn’t wish to continue with Fizz.

Eek….. I felt the walk went really well, but was on tender hooks waiting for Jo to tell me what she thought.

Then it came….

“I think you worked beautifully together, if you agree (as I get to give my opinion too) I think this is the match for you and we should look at training dates and what the girls (Vicky & Fizz) think of each other”

So, a second meeting was arranged.  Where Vicky met Fizz up the road, they had a good ‘doggy’ sniff of each other.  Then Jo followed us home.

The girls got on like a house on fire.  They had a good romp around with school other.  Fizz took out each toy and several bones from the toy box, which Vicky didn’t bother with.  After this they both calmed down and laid together on the rug without a fuss.

 

So….. We are to train together, from home, not in a group class.

And we are due to start on Monday 19th January.

This is when Vicky will return her harness and be able to rest her paws and enjoy her time to stay home.

Which having worked with her over the Christmas period and since doing the walk with Fizz, I have realised just how much she has slowed and just how much she has had enough now.

 

So, in just over one week…… LET THE FUN BEGIN !!!

 

 

 

The Awards

Today is the day when Adrian Chiles, Joey Essex & many more British celebs get to meet with my gorgeous guiding girl Vicky Osborne. Tonight we join other wonderful guide dog partnerships, volunteers and staff to celebrate their achievements. In addition to the achievement that all 45,000 partnerships & 4,000 pups in training will have. To some, “they are just dogs” but to me and other GDO’s they are our independence, our guides, our eyes.

I for one as a VIP, would not even consider the train & tube journey to London today. But as a team, together, me & Vicky will fathom out Victoria station some how. And regardless of the results of tonight’s awards, she is my guiding girl, without whom I wouldn’t be half the gal I am today.

10.39

Warm, almost empty train… And off we go!!!
Whether it is a blind persons thing or any traveller. My bag has been checked, checked and checked again for travel cards, purse, headphones and phone….. Then the case, for dog food, bed, bowl and finally phone charger!

So, one final check for my travel card & off we go…… Eek !!!

12.45

I haven’t travelled to London Victoria train station since I was a very small child, it seems just as big and scary a place now as it did then. I have the time of the next tube to get me to Kings Cross, but as the tubes run every few minutes and I am in now hurry. I set Vicky out to “find coffee”. Where she weaves me through crowds and shoppers to Starbucks. Such a refreshing break and decent coffee to plan how and what to do next.

First order on the agenda, loo for me, grass for Vicky!

Then off to Victoria Underground we go.

With the help of the underground staff and a turned off escalator we made it to our tube and along to Kings Cross.

Vicky was in her element with the crowds, tourists not knowing where they were or where they were going, she guided like a dream.

If only she could read street signs and it would have been an easy trip from the underground to the hotel.

As I have said before, I rely on maps on my phone, 3G signal was good, head phones were in one ear and I was ready to go….. GPS however had other ideas.

London Kings Cross area is surrounded in its fair share of tall buildings. St Pancras International being one, The British Library, then there is the clock tower at Kings Cross, the office buildings, the hotels and the apartments.

It was at this point I discovered that high/tall buildings and GPS don’t mix!

But then, one thing you can be almost certain of in London is a police man or 3… All of whom were willing to walk me the 5 minutes to the hotel. They appeared most put out when I said directions would do! So a quick ruffle of Vicky’s head and off we went.

The directions were spot on, but the guide dog sense was even better…. The arrival of not 1 but 7 guide dog puppies as we were on the approach to the hotel symbolised that we were in the right place, and Miss Vicky’s wage to revert to her (never-forgotten) puppy years was growing by the second.

The hotel was simple, clean and absolutely perfect for a vip like me, no fuss, no frills and no silly unnecessarily placed furniture. We checked in, put the tele on promptly fell asleep !!

Eek….. Waking with just an hour to go before set off for the dinner, I laid out my clothes. Only to discover that I had not packed my tights….. Double eek.

So, on went the harness and off we rushed back down the road to Kings Cross to find a chemist, easy enough surely? Ummm Nope!!

We made it to the chemist, we located the assistant and got the tights. Then upon leaving, the reality of it hit me. The light was going down, I was in London, not entirely sure of which street I had to take for the hotel and I only had 45 minutes to get back, shower and change before te coach left.

This was where Vicky came into her own. She seems to know what I wanted and where it was. So with a great tension on the harness I let her lead the way, through the crowds rushing in and out of the tube station, patiently waiting for the beep of the crossing despite others rushing through the traffic built up. We were off and in less than 8 minutes we were back at the hotel.

Quickest shower, hair dry and dress I have ever performed.

Quick brush of Vicky….. And we were ready !!

The only bonus of this mad panic was that the nerves I had been feeling all day had gone, I didn’t have the time to remember them. Thank goodness!

5.25pm

The coach is heading through bright coloured streets, flashes of Christmas decorations, The London Eye (I overheard someone say behind me say). Then we were at the Hilton. THE HILTON. The Christmas tree in reception was huge, thinking colours and lights. Guests were wandering around. People crowded around people asking for photos and autographs, while I found myself amongst the crowd, feeling the loneliest I have felt in a very long time. Oh, so very very alone.

A member of the guide dog team came into me, introduced themselves and offered me their arm. I was guided to the lift, up several floors and into an area with a coat check. Coat checked in, then the arm was offers again and I was walked into a large ball room, handed a glass of fizz and introduced to people who’s names I didn’t recognise and faces I couldn’t see.

It was a whirlwind of introductions, explanations of why I was there, what type of dog Vicky was and warm wishes of ‘good luck’ before being walked through to the main event. The stage was set with bright white Christmas trees, the room had a blue ice illumination to it and the tables were set with far too much cutlery and a very heavy, thick white table cloth.

The feeling of loneliness and dread filled me again, I felt myself beginning to feel anxious and clammy. That was when I found a trustee for guide dogs by my side pouring me a glass of water and reassuring me that they were there to help, with anything I should need.

I welcomed the water, quenching a thirst I wasn’t even aware of and then he offered to pour me a wine, white or red? Or both? I said I would never be able to see the white, so best make it a red.

And the rest of the evening was a whirlwind of fundraising, silly entertainment, singers and then …. The awards.

The first award was for an individual or group that had supported guide dogs, I don’t remember the name of the award. Because it was the moment I realised that Vicky wasn’t the winner of her category.

How did I know you ask?

It was simple, the winner of the first award had a short video all about what they’d had done.

I hadn’t done any video recordings.

I was gutted, so very very gutted.

Life Changing Award

Every year Guide Dogs celebrate special partnerships with their annual awards.  They ask people to nominate special partnerships in one of 2 categories, life changing and beyond the call of duty.

i was lucky to hear that my gorgeous girl had not only been nominates in the life changing catagory.  But she was a finalist in the catagory and as such we have been invited to the annual gala dinner in December.

Which is now fast approaching…..

Earlier this week we had a small article, thought you might enjoy the read:

image

 

Although, she is much more than my ‘Merry Mutt’ !!

Watch this space … Rumour has it we have a radio interview to do !! EEK

Creative SparKs are Flying

Although I am only just writing about this, the things I am about to share with you actually started just over 18 months ago.  But it has taken this time to get the project to where it needs to be.

A friend of mine is a magician, children’s’ entertainer and balloon artist.  A role that he has played out for many years before I even knew him.  Many of his clients and party gig’s he got through word of mouth and his website and business card.  Both of which he admitted didn’t show his true personality.

He is known in the business as sparkey…..  A play on his main profession and surname, but with no definition between the two parts.

He mentioned that he was trying to redesign his image and website, to enable him to move forward in his role.  This is where my creative brain kicked in  And I asked him if he would mind me having a play around with his ideas.

So, I started with my brief and his name….. And off I went.

First things first, his name….. I wasn’t going to change it, but I did ‘alter’ it a bit.

So sparkey became SparKey.

And the fun really started to begin.

I am not going to bore you all with the sleepless nights and crazy ideas that flowed (due to me suffering with insomnia, not due to the stress of the brief!)  But I took the initial idea of a ‘burnt out clown’ and gave him The SparKey personality.

 

The brief was to work in fun, laughter, magic and balloon modelling into a single character.  The balloon magic was a challenge, although it didn’t need to have been, I was missing one key feature of the package.  SparKey always made and wore a 3 coloured balloon made top-hat.

The magic was simple with a traditional black and white magic wand.

The fun came in the form of 3 iconic metallic green juggling clubs that SparKey used within many of his shows from the very beginning.

The fun, from his oversized green and blue clown shoes.

But how to portray the laughter?

That took more work, that took many a drawing being scrunched up on the kitchen floor, over flowing the waste paper basket at the kitchen table.  It turned me into, what to appear to others, unaware of the project….. A First Class Stalker.

Several hundred photographs, videos and observations of the man behind SparKey.

As the time went on, my sight went away.  Graphics was part of my degree, part of my soul and a brief like this wouldn’t have taken me a quarter of the time before.  This with it, bought its own demons, its own dark moments and at the same time, its own moments of creativity that may not have come, had the brief been completed in a quicker time.

One part of the design was really challenging, it was the key to bringing the whole design and character together.  It was the laughter, the smile, the energy that came through from the man behind the costume that was SparKey.

At one point, I struggled to distinguish shadows and laughter lines on his face, so I even spent time, feeling his face.  Touching his mouth and sketching as I felt the ever so slight small lines that made the smile.  The smile that made SparKey the character come to life and also the smile, that on many a draft occasion made the character look more like a psychopath than a childrens’ entertainer!

Tweaks and re-draws filled yet more waste paper baskets.  Colours and rendering took time.  Then, just before Christmas 2013 SparKey was born, he wasn’t perfect…. But that was part of his charm, part of his fun and part of the cheeky personality of the man that lay behind the image.

The man that is Simon Key. A.K.A SparKey.

 

Sparkey-Vector-1000X1233

 

Then came the colour and the logo to match.

 

Sparkey-Vector-ColourSparkey-Worded-Logo

 

All in all not bad for a VIP like me !!!

The images above are the ‘computer tweaked’ images of my hand drawings. That have now been formed to make SparKey’s business cards and website. A website that you can find at www.thesparkeyshow.co.uk

 

(copyright 2014)

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