It’s almost 11.00 o’clock, 12 hours after this crazy day started. The climbing arena was nothing like I had ever seen before and no matter how much I had researched and looked at photo after photo I was not prepared for the quarry that I
18
Jan 2015
The end of a (half) Era
Today is one filled with mixed emotions, concerns and thoughts. Today, 18th January 2015 is the last working day for my guide dog Vicky. We have been working together as a qualified team since 18th November 2009, and it has been an amazing 5
02
Sep 2016
Maybe I Should have said something before…..
Well, this is something new……. I am sat in the passenger seat of my friends car doing 70+ MPH on the M6 Motorway travelling on my way to Edinburgh; while typing this blog. My iPad is tethered to my phone for 4G and my voiceover
19
May 2017
I have a question for you
it is time for me to ask for you to help me. If I were to write a book, giving in sight into my life and how I have got myself in and out of many a situation. Would you read it? I am talking
08
Feb 2018
Overheard in Costa (other coffee shops are available)
“you can tell your teacher tomorrow how you saw a guide dog being trained, that is a very special dog and once that lady has trained him he will look after a blind person.”
“Mummy isn’t that lady blind?”
“No darling that lady isn’t blind, she wouldn’t be out on her own in coffee shops if she was!”
This whole conversation tickled me and I shared it with my friends on Facebook.
I would usually correct the mum, but on this occasion I wasn’t feeling myself so didn’t.
For which I am now kicking myself; I also find myself asking
“Why can’t a guide dog user go into a coffee shop alone?”
19
Jan 2018
Sleep tight baby girl
This post has taken me several weeks to write and I must warn you that it may cause you upset, tears are most certainly in my eyes as I type this. But they are tears of great memories, of funny stories and of achievements.
On January 2nd, after a struggle with an illness I said goodbye to my original guiding girl; my first guide dog Vicky.
Three years ago today (19.01.15) Vicky wore her guide dog harness for the final time. She walked beside me as I took the children to school in the morning. We took a longer walk home that day. She then sat wondering what I was upto when I took this photograph of her sat in the lounge wearing her harness.
And the reason for this final photograph? It was because in less than 30 minutes a GDMI (guide dog mobility instructor) would be coming to start my training with a new guide dog, my second leading lady Fizz.
I wrote about all that she had enabled me to do in The end of a (half) Era
When Vicky retired it was agreed that she would enjoy her retirement at home with me and the children, the home that she had moved into in 2009. The home that she had been such an import part of and had help to instigate so many changes within.
Most of all (among others) when she guided me both literally and metaphorically through my pregnancy with my son. When she ensured that both of us were safe while he was inside my tummy and while I carried him in his carrier. She had also allowed me to go out and spend time with my daughter (who was just 4 1/2 yo when Vicky arrived) So it goes without saying that she had captured an extra special part of my heart, that no other guide dog would be able to replace.
As my first guide dog, working with Vicky was scary. But also exhilarating!!
When I applied for her in 2008 my list of ‘wants’ was to be able to go to the local shops alone, to take my daughter safely to pre-school (and then school) and to be able to go back to getting the bus to work and being able to not have to rely on someone to drive me.
When ‘murmurs’ of Vicky retiring began in 2013 my list of ‘wants’ was so very different.
Althoigh I no longer, I now had a son. I now went horse riding. I now volunteered with various charities and had such a busy schedule between the children, volunteering and hobbies that it took 16 months to find a guide dog that could follow in the huge paw prints that Vicky had set out.
It was also at this time when I started training with Fizz that I discovered just how much Vicky had had me wrapped around her dew claw!
I had thought it was ‘usual’ to work in circular routes, not being able to just turn around and walk back the way we had come (in the supermarket for example) like when we had walked upto school, which was LITERALLY in the road next to the house, we had to walk up on one side of the road and back down on the other!
It was when training with Fizz I discovered that this was a ‘retriever trait’ and one that I had been allowing Vicky to get away with.
Anyway….. I digress …….
In September last year Vicky had a cyst removed from her hip, it was nothing of any consequence, it had just been a source of discomfort. So just weeks after when I noticed a lump on her side I took her straight back to the vets.
They weren’t overly concern. She had just turned 12 yo and when tested with a needle prick the results showed it was a fatty lump.
So, with the agreement of both the vet and guide dogs we would watch and measure the lump.
In November Vicky went off her food, the lump was measured and there was a sizeable change in it. Vicky was put on pain medication and further tests were agreed.
When I took Vicky in Forbes her X-rays in early December it was felt that actually she would benefit from specialist investigations that my vet could not offer.
Vicky was starting get tired. She was beginning to show her struggle. She was still very playful at home with Fizz, but our walks had become considerably shorter.
She was noticeably loosing weight and her coat was loosing its gleaming shine.
Her pain medication was increased and every hope was placed on her appointment with the specialist.
That was until she took a turn on New Year’s Day. It was heartbreakingly to watch her. The vets were brilliantly though. They put her on a drip and made her comfortable. They even managed to change her visit to the specialist.
So after staying with them overnight I was amazed to see a much brighter bouncy girl bought out to me the following morning.
She was still weak, she was still in pain, but she was also relieved to see me again.
So we went to the specialist. Where we were joined by GDWO (guidebook dog welfare officer) Vicky was so placid that they were able to X-ray her without sedation.
It wasn’t good news.
Although the X-rays didn’t tell them EXACTLY what was wrong with her, they did tell them enough.
The consultant was so kind.
The GDWO was so kind.
We could investigate more.
We could reduce her pain.
But the one thing we couldn’t do was to stop the end result.
Vicky was 12 yo and as a Flatcoat cross Golden Retriever I already knew she was older than most.
The growth on her chest was too big. Whether it was a fatty lump or cancer, there was no option to remove it.
The consultant talked about this and that. I remember asking is guide dogs needed it investigating further (they didn’t)
It was then that I looked down at Vicky. I had sat down on the floor with her by this point. I could see the pain in her eyes, I could feel the tension in her body.
Through tears (just like those that are escaping now) I asked the consultant if we could let her go to sleep and take her pain away?
He was amazing.
He told me he would give me time with her and if when he came back it was too soon I was just to tell him to bugger off (his exact words!) and he would give us more time.
The GDWO went to get Vicky a comfy bed as she was laying on a hard floor and kept banging her head each time she lifted it.
The nurses bought a beautiful white fluffy fleecy bed and we got her comfortable on it.
I spoke to her and thanked her.
The consultant came back and I agreed it was time for her to go.
I stayed with her and held her tight. She was so peaceful, she was no longer in pain….. But she was gone!
My friend that was with me supported me throughout, even though she too was upset. The GDWO told me she would stay with Vicky, make sure that she wasn’t left alone and take care of all the paperwork.
It absolutley broke my heart the minute I walked out of that room and typing his now I am feeling that pain all over again.
Vicky was so much, she gave me so much more than I could ever thank her for or repay her for:
She gave me the me that is here today. There are no words to describe what that is. I just know that the love I feel for her will never be replaced.
It was agreed that Vicky would be cremated and get to ‘come home’
The GDWO took care of all of this on my behalf. She even bought Vicky home to me on 10th January.
The house hasn’t been the same. Fizz hasn’t been the same; I have sat and cried cuddled into her; I have explained it to her. I know she is missing her friend. The whole time Fizz has been with me, she has had Vicky to play with. And now it is just her…….
We have plans to take Vicky for her ‘final walk’ and let her go. Keeping all the memories, the photographs and a few simple keepsakes of her.
Along with the love for her. And although I love Fizz (and wouldn’t change her for the world) Vicky will always have an extra special place that no other dog or human can ever replace.
14
Jan 2018
First Scarlet; Then Pink; A study of Sherlock
This is an interesting one. Something a little different for me. Something that is far too good an opportunity to pass up.
Through my volunteer role with Open Sight I was made aware of The Conan Doyle exhibition that is currently taking pride of place at Portsmouth Central Library, an exhibition that was bequeathed to the City of Portsmouth by richard-lancelyn-green with funding from The National Lottery (among others) it had been made fully accessible to those with a visual impairment.
Sadly I had yet to find the time to visit when I received another correspondence from Open Sight giving very vague details of a residential writing course being run and funded on behalf of The Conan Doyle Trust. For whole Open Sight were simply collecting details of those who were interested to be passed over for more information.
The residential course running 5 full days would be fully funded including accommodation and travel, so I fully expected the ‘application process email’ when it arrived.
(I won’t detail EVERYTHING here)
But hence to say, an interest in Sir Conan Doyle and his infamous charactor Sherlock Holmes were part of the process.
The first criteria was to submit TWO examples of our own work (published or not) to give an idea of writing style.
The second criteria was to write (in no more than 500 words) what you could gain from such a residential course, while explaining your interest in The Conan Doyle Collection.
So, I set to work, this is what I wrote:
Oh how I dream to study Sherlock!
The opportunity to attend a creative writing course will enable me to learn properly how to put my own ‘interesting’ writings of my journey with sight loss. To discover that the whole thing is not only being supported by The Arthur Conan Doyle Collection that was bequeathed to the City of Portsmouth; but it is to work on the ongoing projects funded to take part in 2018, possibly enabling me to write about my love and enjoyment of more recent adaptations of one of Doyle’s infamous characters Sherlock Holmes and I find my fingers tingling over the keyboard to find the right words.
Just 500 words to explain myself, that in itself is a challenge!
Honestly, until the 2010 BBC TV series of Sherlock written by Steven Moffat and Mark Gattis I hadn’t really had an interest in the works of A.C Doyle. I initially took each episode as it was, set in today’s time yet with the iconic ‘nod’ to the originals by seeing Holmes and Watson share rooms at 221b Baker Street. I never realised just how many other ‘nods’ each story held.
And it was the special in January 2016 of The Abominable Bride that I gained so much insight into the original works of Doyle. Being visually impaired it is difficult to ‘read’ yet with audio description turn on I was able to enjoy every detailed part of the theatre that played out on the screen. The detailed explanation that had led the writers to take a trip into the past, the additional details within the current stories that all held historically to the original works. I was transported to a world of intrigue, mystery and found myself wanting to join The now consulting detective.
The whit and sarcasm were bought to life by a great cast, which I relate to as I often find myself writing with these; to turn some of the sadder stories that I relay into a more positive light.
My mind often runs away when I am writing and the words flow easily for the most part. I write in the hope that just one person will find comfort or happiness in reading my words. I write on my own blog www.seemyway.co.uk – about my own life, my journey, about the little ‘tweeks’ or ‘blind fails’ I encounter regularly. I also use it to talk about my passion for rock climbing, volunteering and not letting my sight beat me. It isn’t always pretty happy stories, but then it is real and sometimes there is no way of adding a positive spin to something.
I want to expand my knowledge of writing, my understanding and use of the English language as my hope for the future would be to become a published author, supporting others with sight loss, their families and friends to gain a better understanding of how people can see the world when they are visually impaired.
(the supporting work I included)
And now I wait….. A concept that requires Patience; something that doesn’t come naturally to me !
Despite my work being ‘found to be very interesting’ I was put onto the ‘shortlist’ which meant that if (for whatever reason) anyone was t able to attend I would get to go.
So, I kept quiet, made arrangements as if I were to be going. Only to hear at the beginning of this week that I would not be attending.
So, for now I am looking at the positives and have taken some learning away from this experience and I am also looking at other adventures that my blogging could open for me.
So….. Watch this space !!!
11
Jan 2018
London just got A WHOLE LOT Easier!
Today I made my first trip of the year into London. After all, have dog; will travel still stands.
Even more so when a return ticket costs just over £10!
So, 2 hours on a direct train to London Victoria and then to get the tube to meet friends.
Something in the past that I have dreaded a little from London Victoria, but not anymore.
Why?
Because as THE busiest tube station on the entire underground network, Victoria is now ACCESSIBLE.
So, it’s not quite so straightforward, and it isn’t the easiest of ways to navigate. But all the same, Victoria now has a new North Entrance; which offers step free access (via lift) from street level to tube.
I say it isn’t straightforward because the entrance to the accessible part of the underground isn’t within London Victoria Railway Station, rather it is up the road on the outside by a fairly new shopping area on Victoria Street.
And then once you find the street level lift area, it is then a series of lifts to get down to the deep level of the district/central line, before changing to a 3rd lift to go even further under to reach the Victoria Line.
This multi-lift approach is very similar to the confusion that is Kings Cross, however (thankfully) the lifts have really clear white on blue signage indicating which lift to take to which level.
And as always, helpful and friendly TFL staff more than happy to help.
So, no more dreading this particular tube station and a whole world of possibilities opening up to me without the need to walk on switched off escalators (which isn’t actually always possible when it’s peak time!) with their steeper treads and length distances.
To some this may not seem much, but to others this will help reduce some of the ‘additional’ stresses that London can pose.
10
Dec 2017
When the final isn’t THE final
Snow is threatened!!!
Just what you need to hear when you have a journey to Newcastle to make for the final round of the BmC Paraclimbing comps for 2017.
So, to cover all eventualities a pup sitter was sourced for both Vicky and Fizz (us humans getting stranded in the snow is one thing, but not at all suitable for a dog; extra layers and clothes packed; along with extra car supplies SHOULD we end up stuck.
Driving up wasn’t an issue, apart from the odd icy patch, we managed to make good time.
Saturday morning we awoke to frost, but thankfully NO SNOW.
But the temperature was too cold. It would actually have to warm up to snow. And I am sure I have mentioned before how cold weather and climbing centres don’t really mix?
Especially when said climbing centre is inside an old church….
So, base layers, t-shirts, jumpers, coats AND hats at the ready I was warm. (But totally unable to climb with all these layers.
Newcastle Climbing Centre had restricted entry, it was only available for the competition, which made for a much quieter and less stressful day, but it was really REALLY really COLD.
The first top rope route was long, it wasn’t technically difficult, but such a high route in a cold setting and about 2/3rds of the way up I found myself having to move quickly from each hold, while at the same time unable to move quickly because of the temperature.
This very problem caused me to come off rope rope two at a move that I should have had no trouble with.
Top rope three was quirky, it saw me challenging my climbing style and making moves that I wouldn’t normally do, but these moves saw me reach higher than I ever expected. I was proud of this route, even though I didn’t too it.
The bouldering problems were much easier to warm up for. Boulder problems are set on lower walls, with bigger crash mats underneath and as such, this area of the centre appeared warmer.
Route one on the boulder saw me miss out the top hold for fear of sitting down and pulling up. Route two was more of a traverse around a corner and then up on a diagonal, a route where I managed to get the start of on my final try, but then slipped further on on it.
Route three was a pig! I am being kind here because it would be rude to swear. It was a route that started in an almost horizontal laid back position and then you were to climb backwards before moving upto a standing position of height. I was put off this route by watching some of the climbers I would count as ‘elite’ not managing to get past the backwards climb section of the problem. Not surprisingly I got to the starting golds of this route (where all my body was off the floor) but only managed to move one hand before coming off.
My efforts were not in vien, these little ‘extra point’ moves saw me gain silver for this round of the competition.
And accumulatively see me awarded with Silver for the series.
………
However, the results of these competitions is not how the 2018 Paraclimbing team will be selected. This time around there will be a selection day in February in Sheffield.
So watch this space …. My climbing has changed dramatically in the last year, but will it be enough?
14
Nov 2017
Silvers nice ….. Yet Bronze is prettier
This weekend saw the 3rd round of the BMC Paraclimbing series.
Manchester Climbing Centre was the venue – A beautiful former church, which has kept many of its original features, not to mention the lack of heating!! (Which was clearly felt this weekend ‘tup-north)
The routes were set, the atmosphere was buzzing and the turn out was phenomenal.
There were six competitors in female VI (according to the entry list anyway) and Abi a fellow vi Climber who often ‘flashed’ all her routes and boulders was here. So barring a natural disaster I set myself up for the best I could achieve would be a silver.
….. So what is a FLASH I hear you ask …..
To ‘Flash’ all routes and boulders is to get to the top hold on the first attempt. With the top rope climbing routes you only had one go to get the best score or to ‘flash’ the route, but with the boulder problems you are given 3 opportunities. Scoring a bonus 2 points if you succeed on the first go.
Anyway, I set myself the personal challenge to beat my scores from the same competition last year. Knowing that the climbs had been set harder, this was my way of judging how I had improved in the past year.
This is the same challenge I have set myself for each of the rounds. However one that, despite topping more routes and reaching higher in the routes I didn’t top, I didn’t actually achieve this in Edinburgh. But as we don’t climb the EXACT same routes each year this isn’t always a clear sign of improvement, they may have changed the scoring against how everyone performed last year.
This was certainly the case for the 2nd round this year; after 3 of the 4 Male VI climbers scored maximum points, the route setters upped the challange for London. Given that the 3rd top rope in Manchester was graded as a 7a (2a grades above my comfort zone) the Competition was seen to be set for a much higher status.
Usually as the routes go, boulder 1 and top rope 1 are lower grades, I flashed boulder 1, yet took a silly slip on top rope 1, costing me 26 points.
I got further on top rope 2 and just under the first ledge on top rope 3 (where I hadn’t expected to get too far from the ground!)
The second boulder was a challange and one I had hoped to return to after a break (but time ran away from me) while boulder 3 was set as a challange to most. I was happy to get the minimum points of 47 on this as it was such a hard set. 47 Out of 60 meant I got both my feet off of the ground, which given there was only one foot hold and the hand holds had an interesting placement was quite an achievement and similar to many of my fellow competitors.
Had time allowed I think a 3rd attempt on this route would have seen me complete it.
But time didn’t allow.
The sheer volume of competitors and lack of volunteers who could belay meant that the competition ran over by 35 minutes as it was. In which time I competed in the 3rd top rope, where I found myself scoring much higher than I expected.
Once the competition was over it was time to calm down, take off my climbing shoes (hello feet) and harness and await the results.
There were no podium blocks, but an innovative use of the stone steps that led upto the bouldering area and my catagory was read out.
As expected, 1st place went to Abi (which I congratulated her on) then 2nd place …….. Me!
I took my podium; accepted my medal and had my picture taken.
There had been no 3rd place on the podium which I had felt was odd, but had honestly thought the person named as 3rd had left.
It was only after all the podiums were announced that the organiser explained that the medals that hadn’t been handed out in London were ready for collection. It was at this point I discovered that a fellow female VI had been mis-catagoried and was in fact 2nd. So back went my shiny silver medal and out came the beautiful bronze!
Sadly it was too late to re-take the podium photographs. So the only one I have is of me with my silver. So here is my ‘incorrect’ Podium photo showing me beside the beautiful Abi.
