Today is one filled with mixed emotions, concerns and thoughts. Today, 18th January 2015 is the last working day for my guide dog Vicky. We have been working together as a qualified team since 18th November 2009, and it has been an amazing 5
03
Sep 2016
So….. Today, this happened !!
It’s almost 11.00 o’clock, 12 hours after this crazy day started. The climbing arena was nothing like I had ever seen before and no matter how much I had researched and looked at photo after photo I was not prepared for the quarry that I
02
Sep 2016
Maybe I Should have said something before…..
Well, this is something new……. I am sat in the passenger seat of my friends car doing 70+ MPH on the M6 Motorway travelling on my way to Edinburgh; while typing this blog. My iPad is tethered to my phone for 4G and my voiceover
14
Apr 2025
Who needs a comfort zone anyway?
Its been a while. 2024 threw me some pretty horrid curve balls, I was exhausted; emotionally, mentally and physically. And I allowed myself to get lost among it all. 2025 has been about making peace with the demons, coping with the new way of doing
20
May 2018
Silly ‘Blind’ Moment
I wonder about many thing.
Especially if that something is architectural or design related. One such moment of wondering that I want to share with you is ….. Disabled Toilets.
From a design point of view I can still quote the minimum measurement requirements for a disabled toilet from The Metric Handbook: Planning & Design Data. I can tell you the reasoning for the outward opening door; the height of the hand basin and so on and so on.
I can also have a discussion at length about badly positioned pull down nappy changing tables….. But the one point I find the hardest to fathom is the mirror.
Placing a mirror above the wash hand basin in common place, yet often missing in a disabled loo.
Instead there is often a LARGE floor to ceiling mirror (which covers all height differences in disability) instead. Which makes perfect sense, after all despite the outdated signage there are many people with disabilities who do not use a wheelchair.
I for one am one of them!
A room I can go into, lock the door and know not only does my guide dog have space to sit patiently for me; But I know that I can find my way around the room (regardless of lighting) to do what I need to do, then wash and dry my hands afterwards.
But I go back to ‘That Mirror’ …. Why is it always positioned directly beside or infront of the toilet?
Surely nobody wants or needs to see themselves at that point?
Or in my case, no-one needs to hear me scream when a glimpse of my reflection (which didn’t seem to actually be me) mid-visit panicked me to thinking someone was in the room with me!
Like I said at the very beginning, this was a ‘Blind’ moment or maybe it was even a ‘Blonde’ moment…. But for someone with minimal peripheral vision it was most certainly an ‘embarrassing’ moment.
Especially when fellow patrons were knocking on the door to offer assistance and asking if I needed medical attention!
19
May 2018
When riding a bike is not like riding a bike
About a month ago I bought myself something rather quite special.
I bought a tandem.
I bought it from a fellow blindie who had had a change of health and although the bike had been serviced and well looked after; it had remained sat un-ridden.
It is only through the ‘on this day’ feature of Facebook that I can tell you that it has been just under two years since I have ridden a bike.
It was when we were away on holiday with the children, it was when we were riding on site of a Haven Holiday Park. After this I am sure that there was one further bike ride back at home before my bike was left to gather cobwebs and become home to spiders in the garage.
I did not stop riding because of an injury.
I stopped because with my hearing going in addition to my sight I did not feel I was safe either for myself or for other road users.
Many would be surprised that it is only in the last two years that I haven’t ridden my bike. Thinking about it now, it was pure stubbornness that had stopped me from hanging up my riding helmet before then; in the same way I can only imagine that a car driver who is in denial about their sight feels about surrendering their driving license.
A tandem was a way of gaining back some of me.
Yes, by the very definition of it I would only be able to ride with someone else. But riding a tandem with someone else feels less of a lack of independence than riding a bicycle with another adult beside me. I think that this is because a tandem is for ANYONE. A normally sighted person can ride a tandem, it isn’t a ‘mobility aid’ in the conventional sense of the word. Even though when I think about it, in my case it kind of is just that; a mobility aid.
Anyway……
I had the bike serviced and checked over. I spoke with a few friends about coming out for a ride with me and then, earlier this week. One of them took me up on my offer.
Having spent time looking over the bike and following the workings of it I was instantly struck by the fact that as the rear peddler (the stoker in technical, bicycle jargon) I had no gears or brakes. I was to simply just peddle. (Which when you think about it sensibly it makes perfect sense, but to me as a former solo cyclist-I had always had gears and brakes)
So, if all I was to do was to peddle. When and how would I know to peddle?
How would it feel sitting behind someone else (The Pilot-more jargon) who was in control of where we went?
How fast we got there?
And in what intensity of gears we were to achieve it?
I guessed I would just have to ‘go with them’ … LITERALLY.
My faithful Climbing Partner in Crime (CPiC) Simon was my first volunteer; we have ridden together before (on individual bikes) and he more than most understands my sight loss, and more to the point my anxieties of something new.
First he took the bike for a ride to the end of the car park without me. This gave him a feel for the length of the bike and the kind of turning circle it would have. Then it was my turn to get on with him.
My first ‘odd’ feeling was that I had both my feet off the floor, on the peddles and yet the bike was still upright and stationary. This being because Simon is taller and still had his feet on the ground!
We set off; it was wobbly, but it soon became smoother as we got into a rhythmic pattern. And surprisingly; not being able to see infront of me wasn’t concerning (because all I could see was the red of his jumper) felt O.K.
It felt ‘odd’ in the sense that I didn’t feel I was peddling enough, not as much as I thought I remembered from when I had ridden my bike before. However, what I was forgetting was one simple rule;
”Double the bodies means half the power”
Easier said than done. When the pilot slowed down I felt that as the stoker it was for me to peddle more. This wasn’t the case. In fact at one point I was told very bluntly to “JUST STOP”
I began to relax into the journey, I began to feel when it was time to coast and when it was time to peddle.
I also felt the exact point where my shoulder relaxed and my anxieties of ‘letting the other rider down’ were disappearing.
I only got off the bike and walked at a point where we crossed a road on the footpath (rather than add the complication of the road junction into the mix)
And before I knew it we were heading back towards home.
I could lie and say my arse wasn’t hurting from being sat on a not so padded saddle. I could lie and say I didn’t get cramp in my thigh….. But then were would the fun be in that?
It was interesting to discover that I can suffer with ‘Elvis Leg’ when riding a bike, just as I do at points when I am climbing….. This usually comes at a point where I am concentrating so hard that (as silly as this will sound) I forget to breathe!
We managed to clock up just over 9km on our first ride. After all I live in The Highlands area, which as the name suggests is an area with many a hill; which for the most part I want to be avoiding until my bike fitness has improved somewhat.
The route was recorded on my Apple Watch and all the specifics as to times, heart rate and distances are stored within my fitness app. So next time we can follow the same route and see the improvements in it.
I wasn’t really able to talk to Simon much while we were cycling (but then there really was no need to) so when we arrived back I asked him how he felt, his answer wasn’t what I think I expected to hear;
”It felt creepy having someone riding RIGHT behind me, so close; I felt I wanted to ride to get away from them.”
…. But as he never managed it, he said it was just something he would have to get used to. And he has agreed to go out and ride with me again.
So watch this space for more tandem cycling antics.
16
May 2018
The simplest of tech can make the Biggest impact
if you have followed me for some time you will know how much I like my coffee. It’s no secret, I enjoy sitting with a nice cup and ‘people watch’ (yes even as a VI I do this!)
But of late I have really struggled.
Not so much with the people watching part; but rather the collecting my coffee part.
Just a short bus ride away from me is the lovely Whiteley Shopping Village. It is home to a great variety of shops, restaurants, cinema and yup you guessed it coffee shops!
It has the three MAJOR brand names of Costa, Nero & Starbucks, in addition to The M&S cafe.
Whitely was purpose built. Many of the storesmake use of the high ceilings and glass outer wall to add a mezzanine floor, while the cafes and restaurants leave them to create the feeling of space and ambiance.
But here in lies an issue.
Starbucks in particular……
with its solid floors, wooden traveled, coffee ba and very minimal in way of ‘soft furnitings’ the inside has an echo.
The seating is positions around the centrally placed counter that leads you around to the right where you can collect your coffee at the end of the bar, where the bar continues again to the right (and right again) to enable friends to sit on the stools while enjoying a coffe with easy access to PowerPoints that are built into the bar.
There are standard level blue benches that cover one entire wall of the store with small tables, then at the back there are simple couch like seating around low tables.
With a further bar seating in front of one of the windows and more 2 seated wooden tablespoon dotted about.
So for me, I can easily find somewhere to sit that works with the lighting, be that natural, bright sunshine that we are enjoying at the moment or artificially lit by the store itself.
So, hopefully I have set the scene for you. The fact that the coffee machine is not directly beside the till make for easy ordering and it also enables the staff to have a ‘queue’ system for drink collection.
But it is this ‘drink collection’ that has become a real struggle for me.
With the height of the ceiling, the multiple coffee machines and the general ‘noise’ of the store; even with my hearing aids I can’t hear any particular voice clearly.
These are all factors I can’t change. And I am not one to be beaten into having to avoid a store (particularly one that sells coffee) because of it.
With my visual impairment I can’t make eye contact with others, although I can thankfully usually recognise a member of staff at datrbusks by the iconic green apron they all wear.
So now, when I arrive at ‘the bar’ I politely gain the attention of a member of staff and then I show them my phone…..
And this is what they see. (Or similar depending on my order)
Where I have found that a kind member of staff then directly passes me my drink when my order is is completed. Saving them shouting out to deaf ears and saving me from tepid coffee because it has been sat too long.
Such a simple little app is ‘Notes’ which I use every day for one thing or another like many people. But one that has enabled me to keep just a little bit more of my independence (even if it is something so trivial as ordering a coffee)
I now feel more comfortable when dealing with such noisy situations.
And I don’t have to miss out … So it’s win-win situation.
12
May 2018
I’m still here
This year hasn’t had the easiest of starts, with changes in my sight, trouble with my hearing and ‘other’ issues; It has all been a bit much to deal with at times.
All of this compounded by a need to explore who I am and where I belong, and it isn’t hard to realise that my anxiety and mental health has also taken a beating.
But that’s ok.
It is alright to not be ok ALL the time.
And it is ok to admit that; however hard it may be.
There are a few things I want to tell you about, I have realised I never finished off my 2017 BMC Paraclimbing competition blogs, or even mentioned the Team Selection Day back in February 2018.
So, for now I am going to spend some time going ‘backwards’ but as all posts are dated to (around) when they happened, humour me.
And once I have completed these, take a good look through the past six months. I can promise you there will be laughter, whit and sarcasm. But be warned there will also be sadness, upset and moments of total despair.
Enjoy xx
Theresa Osborne-Bell |
No comments | Tags: BMC, deafblind, Disability, independence, Paraclimbing, training
31
Mar 2018
Happy Haptics
Back at the tail end of last year I was incredibly humbled to be support by The Molly Watt Trust and their Apple Watch Project. Here is the article I wrote as a review on their blog.How is it that a few simple vibrations can give you SO VERY MUCH?
“If you had asked me the same question just a few months ago I would have probably said how I didn’t understand them.
Well, that was before I was fortunate enough to receive a Series 1, 42mm Apple Watch from the charity The Molly Watt Trust This was a piece of accessible technology I would never have been in a position to justify buying; even though I have seen the benefits others have gained from it.
So I took a chance, I applied to the charities project and crossed everything!The Apple Watch arrived at the end of November. And after I plucked up the courage to open up the box it was like love at first sight! (If such a thing can happen with an inanimate object like a watch!)
The first fun was setting the Watch face. Having previously had a Fitbit Surge I thought this would be easy…… it wasn’t! That’s a bit of a fib, setting the Watch face was easy it was rather trying to decide on what ‘complications’ I wanted to be able to have for easy access on the Watch face that was the difficult part. And it took just over a week to get the right mix, that I have continued to use ever since!i
Since wearing hearing aids in 2017 I am no longer able to wear in ear headphones, this posed a huge issue for me as an iPhone user who relies heavily on Apple maps and google maps to help support me to keep more independence. Walking with my phone out in my hand wasn’t exactly safe either.
This is the one feature I was really excited about trying out for myself on the watch. The ability to set a route on my phone in apple maps and then have the haptic (vibrations) go on my wrist to alert me to an instruction.
It took some getting used to, and if I am honest I tend to make use of my remaining sight to look at the instruction, but I am learning to be more trusting of it. While my phone stays safely away in my pocket or bag.
Another feature I have found incredibly useful is text messaging. Yes I can use my phone for most of my day to day messages (with the added support of zoom).
But if I am out and about (or even sat in a loud, busy venue) I can quickly scroll down to a pre-set message that simply says “struggling here”. This I find is enough to help raise the alert that I am not finding things easy.
This works particularly well with my friends who also have an Apple Watch, but for those who don’t, but who can quickly glance at their phones I am quickly able to find reassurance…… Or in the case of the other day; I am able to alert my friends that I have got lost on the way back to the table after going to the toilet (the waitress had kindly shown me where they were)
For me, the feeling of being safe in my surroundings is key; whether this is somewhere on my own, somewhere new or somewhere ‘different’ has always been important to me. As my sight determinated this became event more important. But when my hearing also started to fail me; I worried that I would loose myself with it.
In these past four months, I have felt like I have a new lease on life. And I really do believe this is down to the support I have benefitted from from The Molly Watt Trust and The Apple Watch Project.
Thank you.”
22
Mar 2018
What a difference a year makes
On 20th March 2017 I found myself sat in the audiologists office having my hearing aids fitted; which I wrote about in What does sound sound like?.
I had previously been told I would only need a hearing aid for my right ear, yet when I arrived at my appointment I was actually fitted with a hearing aid for both my left and right ear; a pleasant suprise, yet a very welcome on. Because in giving me hearing aids for both ears the audiologist was able to programme the strength in each side differently so that I heard the same.
I wont’t lie, I hated wearing them.
It took me a long time to get used to ‘hearing’things again. The little things, like the kitchen clock; the dogs gnawing on their bones; the sound of my feet on the pavement. But (following the audiologists advice) I soon learnt to ‘not hear’ or rather ‘tune out’ these sounds; sounds that my brain had learnt to ignore (just as it does for most people who can hear perfectly well)
I also quickly learnt how little and inconspicuous my hearing aids were. With very few people realising that I actually wore them.
When they were originally fitted, I had them set by the audiologist to automatically adjust with no input from me. However this was not while I got used to them.
In July ((1 beep, 2 beep, 3 beep, 4) I had my hearing aids adjusted and since then I have gone from strength to strength in using them and wearing them each and every day, just as I would with my glasses (even though I now get so little from wearing them-wearing them is a daily habit)
I have also added to my ‘tech’ to go with my hearing aids, with my amplicomms personal t-loop system I am able to listen friends in busier environments, have calls streamed directly into my ears with the microphone around my neck; I am also able to listen to audible and music too.
My CPiC and I are working on using it as an aid to my climbing….. But that is a whole other blog post!!
So, what have I gained in the last year?
I have learnt that just like glasses for me, hearing aids to not ‘fix’ my hearing; however they do enable me to hear more and clearer than if I don’t wear them.
I have been able to feel safer out and about, especially with hearing traffic and its direction. So much so, that in recent months I have gone back to enjoying walking into town (about 2.5 miles) with Fizz guiding me.
I have also learnt that I can ‘shut out’ noise if I want to sit quietly with a cuppa or a cold pint, then I can turn my hearing aids down, put them into the induction loop setting and I can sit peacefully. So I can have ‘selective’ hearing too!!
Its been an interesting year of wearing hearing aids, I would be lying if I said I am getting used to them….. But I am finding the postitives with them, both with my own hearing and with the connections I have made with other people who have hearing and sight issues.
I am still wanting to work on fundraising for my own pair or ReSound Hearing Aids, which are so much more ‘tech’ friendly with my iPhone and Apple Watch, but that is a work in progress.
13
Mar 2018
Silly Self-Consciousnesses
The sun is out and so are the sunglasses!
Hello Sun…….
This leaves me feeling a little ‘vunersble’ though. You see I have continued to wear my glasses as a way of ‘hiding’ even though I gain very little from them when I am out and about.
It is a comfort, because I don’t like how my eyes look. Having always worn glasses it feels like I have huge dark circles around them, that they are ‘sunken’ within my head. And because it appears more ‘obvious’ that I have a sight issue when people can see the continual movement of my eyes.
Team these ‘anxieties’ with the fact that I feel that my hearing aids are ‘HUGE and OBVIOUS’ when really they aren’t and you can see where my self-consciousness comes from?
Today though, today was a small victory kinda day…..
Sat enjoying a cuppa, tea it’s Fizz curled up at my feet; it was only when a woman tapped me on the shoulder that I realised I was being spoke to.
You see, not only did I have my sunglasses on my head, butI also had my ‘Amplicomms’ personal T-Loop system around my neck like a large lanyard.
But to the ‘unknowning eye’ it wasn’t as ‘obvious’ !!!
Today for the first time in a long time I am also wearing my hair up in a ponytail (instead of the usual plaits) which to me makes it feel like my hearing aids are in full view of everyone; when in-fact they are hardly noticeable!
So, pausing the book I was listening to, I apologised to the woman for not hearing her and it was very pleasing to hear her reply
“I would have never guessed you had hearing aids in, or that you couldn’t see me, I couldn’t see you wearing headphones; I just thought you were ignoring me!”
Maybe I am the only one who feels self-conscious like this, or maybe this is a ‘common’ feeling amongst those with sight loss and hearing loss.
Either way, a strangers comments made me feel slightly happier with myself today.
08
Mar 2018
Inspiration comes in MANY forms
Today marks International Women’s Day. A day where social media and such goes CRAZY over ‘inspiring women’ well I am bucking that trend. I think that inspiration can come from ANYONE. Man, Woman, Human, Animal ….. You get the idea!
In recent months with my changing hearing and sight I have been working hard on myself. On how I deal with a situation and how I do not allow my ‘disabilities’ to take away my sparkle, to rob me of my mood or emotions.
If I said it was an easy task I would be lying. But it has been a task I have set about with great vigger and enthusiasm; not always successfully I may add.
Within my climbing, Be it with fellow Para climbers or (regular) climbers I am free, everyone at any wall is always happy to offer support or suggest a different move Or body position. But some of my greatest inspiration has come from fellow Para-climbers.
From my very on CPiC who has Fibromyalgia and Aspergers, he is continually in pain or ‘foggy’ which high levels of medication can simply ‘reduce’ but not ‘cure’, He finds a great strength from within to push through it and to climb his ass off, always pushing himself and yet still there to offer me continual support and help ME with my climbing.
There is also my dear friend Anoushé, her ‘visable’ disability is that she has no arm from just below her elbow on her right side. She also has many other health conditions that are ‘invisable’
We first met in September 2016 in Ratho, the first paraclimbing competition for us both. And we have grown closer upon each meeting and now regularly try to fit in training sessions together.
I look at Anoushé and feel humbled to watch her climb (mostly via videos or in photographs ) As a guide dog owner and a long cane user I am more often than not walking with either my right or left hand full (be it with a harness or a cane) but if I REALLY needed to use both my hands, I can.
I am not, nor will I ever compare my disabilities to another person (not even another hearing and visually impaired person) as just as humans we are unique; how we live with ‘differing-abilities’ is also unique.
My disabilities have been a platform for me to meet so many people from different backgrounds, and just as I believe there is something to learn from each of the people who have come and gone from my own life; I hope that others can look to me for those lessons and ‘alternative’ views.
So, today on International women’s day I want to say THANK YOU to all of those who have enabled me to grow.
09
Feb 2018
New Year; New Challenges
And no, this isn’t about setting a (be it a belated) Resolution. This is about the realisation that after just over a month into 2018 I have faced and fought, fought and (sometimes) lost and lost and re-found my own sense of strength.
If you are a regular reader you will know that this year started with the sad loss of my first guide dog Vicky.
But with the sadness of loosing her; along with the adjustment of ‘just having Fizz’ I found a passion.
A passion that has always been in me, but for one reason….. Or rather one EXCUSE or another I had forgotten it.
It is so easy to forget those simple passions that can bring such pleasure when ‘life’ keeps getting in the way.
Anyway, I digress……
When we said goodbye to Vicky I suddenly realised how much I loathed being at home. How I couldn’t bare the ‘silence’, the little things about her like hearing her dream.
It also took me several weeks to ‘forget’ to say hello to her when we came in.
One of the strangest things was coming home to a silent house! Because for the past 3 years I have always left on the tv or the radio to keep her company, so she didn’t feel alone.
So, as painful and upsetting as returning to a quiet house was, sitting in one was even worse!
And this is where my passion reignited.
When the children weren’t home (because of school or being with their dads) I disappeared off for a walk.
The beauty of a walk is that Fizz could always come too. The beauty of a walk is that I could just ‘stomp’ out my upset.
The other beauty of walking is that I could track it all on my Apple Watch, to judge the distance, to track my pace and after several weeks to gauge how my fitness had improved, because the very same walk from my house to town isn’t taking as long!
The other bonus of my walking is that I could feel free. I don’t need to rely on another person to walk, I don’t need to rely on any equipment or memberships.
I just ‘harness up’ Fizz and head out.
Sometimes we get the bus to the beach, sometimes we take a different route into town. And other times we enjoy a stomp through the muddy bridal ways en route to the pub with friends!
Your probably wondering why I am telling you all this in this post? Well, you see I have decided to make this walking count.
I haven’t finalised the details yet, but with a group of friends I am looking to complete The Three Peak Challenge in late Summer. Its just over 26 miles and with a tour guide is a walk that is set to take between 9 and 12 hours to complete. And for obvious reasons (such as exhaustion, concentration and distractions) it is one walk that Fizz won’t be completing with me!
But that doesn’t mean that she can’t help with my training !!
And why I hear you ask……..
Well, you see ReSound have just made a massive development with their hearing aids, having raised just over £1,000 for them, I want to ‘earn’ the remaining £2,500 towards enabling me to purchase the new and improved LinX 3D (an improvement on the LinX 2 that I had previously tried.
So, one the challenge is set up you can show your support with words of encouragement, pennies to help reach the target OR by joining in on the walk yourself.
Domation can be made via the Just Giving Page Help TINK Hear
